What Are We Doing?
by BRBDyying
Summary: Emma and Killian were happy, until one day Killian left. Now that he's back in her life, will Emma be able to forgive and let him in again? Or will their shared past be too much to forget? (my username used to c.elaine327)
1. Chapter 1

**Hey y'all! Here's my newest story. Let me know what you think!**

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"Come on, Ems! Tonight is going to be so much fun, I promise." Ruby assured her for what felt like the millionth time that night. "This guy is really sweet and super hot, I know you two will get along well!"

Emma groaned, she hated when her friends tried to set her up on dates. They were all happy in their relationships and wanted that for Emma, but she wasn't having it. "If I had known you were going to try to set me up tonight, I wouldn't have shown up.." She mumbled.

Ruby rolled her eyes. "Which is exactly why I didn't tell you, Emma. You need to meet people, and if you don't get along with him, I won't set you up with anyone for at least a month."

"Make it two, and I'll stay." Emma sighed.

"Deal!" Ruby grinned. "He and Dorothy should be here soon. He's a new professor at the university, he just moved back into town to teach. Oh, he's got an accent too, Emma." She winked at her.

Emma had stopped listening to Ruby when the door to the bar opened and in walked the last person she ever wanted to see. "Fuck.. Rubes, I can't stay.. I'm sorry, it's a.. a work thing, I just got a text.."

"Bull shit. Don't lie to me, Emma. You haven't looked at your phone since we got here." She rolled her eyes.

Emma quickly slid her arms into her red leather jacket. "Look, I can't explain, but I can't stay here either. I'm sorry, Rubes.."

Emma grabbed her phone and wallet before hurrying to the door hoping he wouldn't notice her and she'd be able to leave quickly. She wasn't paying attention to where she was walking, and instead ran into a solid body, their arms quickly coming around her to keep her on her feet.

"Bloody hell, I'm so sorry, Lass." He spoke gently. "I didn't see you there."

She had to take a breath before she looked up and into the eyes of Killian Jones, someone she hadn't thought she'd ever see again. "It's fine." She mumbled, pulling herself away from him to run before he could say anything further.

"Swan, wait!" He called after her as she pushed herself the rest of the way out of the bar. He brought his hand up to run his fingers through his hair, the hurt and shock in Emma's eyes permanently etched into his brain.

Dorothy came up behind him. "Killian? Is everything okay? I expected you to have found Ruby and Em already.." She frowned when she looked at him. "You look like you've seen a ghost.."

He chuckled dryly at her observation. "Well, Lass.. In a way I suppose I have seen a ghost.. But it's fine, let's go find your lovely girlfriend and this mysterious Em I've heard about." He gave her a smile.

Dorothy kissed her girlfriend. "Where's Emma, Babe?" She asked as she wrapped her arm around her waist.

"She left.. I don't really know what happened, I'm sorry, Killian. Just all of a sudden she got up and rushed out." She shrugged. "I promise I will get you two into the same room, I really think you'd be good together."

"It's quite alright, Lass.. How about I buy you both a drink before I take my leave and let you have time alone?" He asked.

"That's sweet of you, Jones. But you don't have to.." Dorothy smiled and gave him their drink orders.

"Nonsense, Dorothy. You don't want me hanging around." He bought them and brought them back to the table. "Care to tell me more about this mysterious Emma?"

Ruby smiled a little. "She's a social worker, and a damn good one. She's gorgeous, blonde.. She can be a bit prickly, but she's amazing once she lets you in. She's been my best friend for a few years now. We bonded over relationship issues, but now I have Dorothy.. and she's still alone, so I try to help her out."

Killian nodded. He couldn't help but compare this Emma to his Emma, they sounded so alike. But it couldn't be, could it? His new friend couldn't be setting him up with the one woman his heart has been stuck on since he left her.

"I'm really sorry she left, Killian.. You probably feel like this is a waste of your time.." Dorothy frowned.

"I don't.. If I'm honest with you, I'm not a huge fan of set ups either, but I agreed because I thought it might be nice to meet some new people. Though I've lived in Boston before, I'm not certain the people I knew are still around.." Or willing to talk to him after the way he and Emma ended things.

"Well, you've got us. And we'll eventually get you to meet our friends." Dorothy smiled.

He nodded. "Aye, Lass. I'd like that." Killian told them goodbye before leaving the bar. He had no desire to stay as the odd man out to Dorothy and Ruby.

Emma headed to her brother's apartment from the bar, not wanting to be alone after seeing Killian. Mary Margaret ushered her in and made her a hot chocolate.

"Alright, Sweetie.. What has you so spooked?" She asked, as David came in and hugged his little sister.

"I um.. I saw him." Emma mumbled, holding onto David tightly.

"Him.. As in, him.. Killian?" Mary Margaret asked softly.

She nodded. "The one and only.. I was waiting at the Rabbit Hole with Ruby for Dorothy and someone they were trying to set me up with. I saw him, and then as I was trying to leave I literally crashed into him and.. I just can't, M.. I can't."

"Want me to find him, and threaten him a little?" David asked, holding his sister tighter.

"No, David.. It's fine, I'm just a little shaken by this.. I thought he had left for London for good, and here he is.. I know what our agreement was, and that he was just adhering to that, but.. I.. I don't know what to do.." She sighed.

"We'll just have to take it as it comes, Emma.. If you see him again, maybe you should just talk to him. He was at one point an important part of your life. But everything is going to be alright, I promise you that. David and I will not let him hurt you, if that's what you're worried about." Mary Margaret told her softly.

Emma nodded. "Right, yeah.. Thanks, I'm sorry to have interrupted your date night. I just didn't want to be alone."

"We understand, you're always welcome here. Your brother and I were just watching a movie tonight, since Leo is upstairs.. And we just want you to be happy."

Emma stayed with her brother and sister-in-law for a few more hours that night before heading home. She was still shaken by seeing Killian, but being with the only two people who knew about her relationship with him helped calm her down a little.


	2. Chapter 2

The next time they saw each other, Emma was sitting at the kitchen counter with David and Mary Margaret's son, Leo, keeping the baby occupied while his parents took care of dinner.

"Did Ruby say who this new friend of theirs is?" Emma asked.

"She didn't, she just asked if it was okay they come to family dinner. And that it's apparently one of the new professors this semester in Dorothy's department, and doesn't have many friends." Mary Margaret shrugged.

She nodded. "Oh, alright.." She was skeptical as she bounced Leo on her knee gently since it made him grin at her. Emma loved her nephew, and loved to play with the baby.

David answered the door when there was a knock and Emma looked up to see who Ruby's new friend was, and was less than shocked to see Killian standing behind them awkwardly.

Emma watched David clench and unclench his fist at the sight of Killian in his doorway. She knew he was holding back for her sake, but she wanted to punch him too. Emma carried Leo over to them, and stopped next to David.

"What the hell are you doing here?" She almost growled at Killian.

"Swan, I promise you I didn't know. If I had, I wouldn't have surprised you like this." Killian said softly.

She rolled her eyes. "I know, but you didn't recognize the house when you pulled up? You helped them move in." She sighed. "You could've done something."

Ruby folded her arms across her chest. "What is going on here? You two know each other?"

"Aye, Lass." Killian sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

Emma sighed. "Better than you know, Rubes." She mumbled, the baby in her arms was keeping her from doing something stupid. Like slapping him, or kissing him.

"Swan, I'll leave if you don't want me here. These are your friends, and I don't want to upset you.." Killian said softly, shoving his good hand deep into his pocket.

Emma could tell he wasn't lying, that he would leave if she asked him to, but she wanted to know what he's been doing over the last few years. She sighed. "Just stay, Killian. You're already here, it's whatever at this point."

He nodded. "Who is the handsome little lad you've got there?" He asked once David had let him fully into the apartment.

"This is David and Mary Margaret's son, Leo." Emma smiled a little. "He's eighteen months old, and a little charmer."

Killian smiled. "Congratulations, Dave. I know how much the two of you wanted kids."

David nodded. "Thank you, Jones." He said curtly before he moved to help Mary Margaret finish dinner.

The six of them settled into the meal, and Ruby kept looking between Emma and Killian, slightly confused.

"Were you friends, or did you date, or what? I'm dying here, Emma." Ruby groaned.

"I really don't want to talk about it, Ruby. My past with Killian is just that. Mine.. And it's in the past." Emma snapped.

"Emma.. I'm sorry, I.. I didn't mean to upset you. I won't push anymore." Ruby said softly.

Emma took a breath. "I'm sorry for snapping at you. But it's really not any of your business.." She said softly.

"Love, if you want to tell her it's fine. If she doesn't want to talk to me afterwards, I'll understand. I don't want to come between you and your friends." Killian sighed.

She looked over at him. "I just.. The only people who know what happened between us are Mary Margaret and David, and us.. I'm not exactly interested in talking about it."

He nodded. "I understand."

She sighed, and pushed the food around her plate some. Mary Margaret turned to Killian.

"How is Liam doing? I know when you moved he wasn't doing well.." She asked.

"Aye, he wasn't.. But he's been alright for about three years now. He was in a coma for almost a year after I moved back to England.."

"I can't imagine how awful that must have been for you and Elsa and their kids.." She frowned.

"It wasn't easy, but I'm glad I was there. Neither Elsa nor I would have made it if we hadn't had each other." Killian said softly. "He's awake now, and he and Elsa actually had a little girl last year.."

"I bet she's just precious.." Mary Margaret smiled.

Killian smiled at that. "Aye, she is. She's a papa's girl for sure."

Emma sighed softly, and played with Leo when she had finished eating. She was still upset about the way things ended between her and Killian, and though she was glad to hear his family was okay, it hurt that he had chosen them over her entirely.

Leo held his arms up to her and she settled him in her lap, the baby helping distract her from everything going through her head.

"You're a professor now, what made you decide to start teaching?" Mary Margaret asked.

When Killian and Emma had met he was just discharged from the Royal Navy after the incident that caused him to lose his hand. He had been working as a bartender as he tried readjusting to civilian life in a new country.

"When I went back to London, I went to get my Ph.D. and I decided I wanted to teach history.." He shrugged. "Losing myself in the difficult work of my doctorate was the only thing that kept me out of the bottle after Liam's accident. I made a promise to someone that when things got tough, I wouldn't drink. And I wasn't going to break that promise." He said softly, glancing up at Emma.

Emma blushed a little. "You.. You didn't drink?" She asked softly. "Because of a promise you made to someone you left?"

"Swan.. I made the decision to hold up my promise because I wanted to be a man you'd continue to be proud of, even if I wasn't a part of your life any longer.." Killian said softly.

Emma shook her head. She didn't know what to take from his admission. She had made him promise her that he wouldn't turn to rum like he did when he lost his hand, she never expected him to keep that, especially not when his brother was barely hanging onto his life.

He looked down at his plate. "Um, thank you for dinner, Dave, Mary Margaret.. But I really should get going. I've interrupted your night too much already, and I don't want to overstay my welcome.." He said after a moment.

"You don't have to go, Killian." Mary Margaret tried to assure him.

"I'm afraid I do, Lass. I've already upset Emma multiple times tonight, and that is the last thing I want." He got up from the table.

"I'm so sorry, Love. I never meant to hurt you, I came to Boston thinking that maybe one day you and I could at least be friends again.. But I realize I hurt you beyond repair. And my apologies will never be enough." He said to Emma softly.

She looked up at him. "I don't want to do this now, Killian. But thank you for your apology." She said softly.

He nodded and bid the rest of the group goodbye before taking his leave. Ruby sat confused, and itching to ask Emma a million questions about Killian.

Emma kissed Leo's head, and rubbed his back gently. Mary Margaret rubbed her arm gently.

"I'm so sorry, Emma.." Mary Margaret said softly. "I know how awful that must have been for you."

Emma sighed softly. "It's fine, M.." She looked up at her sister-in-law, then to her best friend. "I'm sorry I ruined family dinner.." Emma apologized.

Ruby shook her head. "No, Em. Don't apologize, if I had known you had a history with Killian I wouldn't have invited him tonight.. I don't know what happened between the two of you, and as much as I want to know I won't ask, but can you tell me if it was serious?"

She nodded. "Yes, we were very serious.. You know the relationship I wouldn't talk about when we met? That was Killian."

"I really am sorry, Emma. I just thought you two would get along so well.. You're very similar, and I guess I was right, it was just because you had already been together." Ruby sighed.

Dorothy nodded. "I won't hang out with him outside of work either, Em. You're more important to us, you're Ruby's best friend.."

"Look, he and I had an arrangement and he held up his end.. I just had hoped it meant more to him, that I meant more to him, and I guess I didn't.. You can still be friends with him, he's a great man.." Emma sighed.

David groaned. "I wanted to punch him when I saw him in my doorway. But I have my son to think about, and I promised you I wouldn't do anything stupid.." He sighed.

Emma nodded. "I know you did." She gave him a grateful smile.

 **Thanks for reading! I'm hoping to post at least one chapter a week on Saturday, but I might post more if I am able. Let me know what you think!**


	3. Chapter 3

Emma eventually told Ruby the truth about what happened between her and Killian. She decided she could finally trust her best friend with the story. However, she knew she'd need some liquid courage before she was able to talk about it so she was already on her fourth drink.

"Killian and I met at a bar about seven years ago.. He was just out of the Royal Navy and came to America for a fresh start.. He was bartending and getting a masters degree." Emma sighed.

"Did you start dating then?" Ruby asked.

"No, it hadn't been long since I left Neal. But we became friends.. I would go to the bar just to talk to him, and then we ran into each other outside of the bar.. And had coffee, and he.. He was a good guy.." Emma took a breath.

"He would hang out with David, Mary Margaret, and his friends Robin and Regina and me.. And.. It was always easy with him." She shrugged. "Then he tells me he doesn't want to go back home, and his green card was about to expire.."

Ruby nodded, and took Emma's hand. "Wait.. Emma.."

"It was stupid, but I told him we should just get married, and then he'll be able to stay, and eventually apply for citizenship. He was my best friend and I didn't want to lose him.." Emma shrugged. "So we did.. He was my best friend so it wasn't difficult to convince Immigration that we knew each other well enough to be engaged.." She sighed.

"You married him? Killian is your ex-husband? Wow.." Ruby squeezed her hand. "Did you actually have a relationship, outside of your friendship, that wasn't fake?"

Emma nodded. "Yes.. A month or so after we were married, he had done something so special for me and I couldn't hold back anymore.. He was my best friend, and it was different with him than it's been with any other guy."

"Different how, Ems?"

"I loved him, and he was the only guy who acted like he was lucky to have me and didn't try to make me feel like I should be lucky he even looks at me.." Emma admitted. "When our agreement had come to its end, it was just after Liam's accident. I told him to go and that I would join him if he needed me. His brother needed him, and I knew he'd be miserable unless he saw Liam for himself.."

"And what happened? I'm assuming you didn't go to London?" Ruby asked.

She shook her head. "No, I didn't.. Instead, he sent me the divorce papers like we'd originally agreed, and apologized for leaving.. He told me he didn't want to hold me back.. So instead he crushed me. He was supposed to come home that day.." Emma tried to blink back her tears.

"Oh, Emma.. I'm so sorry he did that to you." Ruby pulled her into a hug. "Is it possible you're only mad he showed up again because you still love him?"

She rubbed her hand over her face. "I.. I don't know, Rubes.. There's something not even my brother or sister-in-law know.. Nor does Killian.. And it makes this even harder." She said softly.

"If you want to tell me, I'll listen.. And I won't tell David.." Ruby assured her.

Emma nodded a little. "I.. A few weeks after Killian was supposed to come home, but sent me divorce papers instead, I.. I found out I was pregnant.." She said, barely loud enough for Ruby to hear, tears falling down her cheeks.

"You were pregnant? Why didn't you tell anyone, Em?" Ruby asked softly.

"I called Killian a lot.. He deserved to know, I don't think he would've just left me and our child, his child.. But then.. Because of the stress and everything I.. I lost the baby at nine weeks.." She admitted, as Ruby reached up and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "I was devastated, and I couldn't tell David, he would've flown to London and killed Killian."

"Thank you for trusting me with that, Emma.. I'm so sorry you lost your baby." Ruby hugged her friend, letting her cry softly for a bit.

Once she felt Emma get a handle on her tears she spoke again. "Can I be honest with you, Emma?"

Emma nodded a little. "I guess.." She knew she might like what Ruby was about to tell her, but she would listen anyways. She missed Killian more than anything, even if she would never admit how much.

"I've talked to Killian some, and even though he agreed to go on that blind date with you, not knowing it was you, I could tell that his heart was elsewhere.. Somewhere I don't think he's even really admitted to himself. Now that I know more about your history with him, it's clear that he came back for you."

Emma sighed. "But he chose not to come back to me then, and not to ask me to come with him. He chose to follow through on something we hadn't thought about for a while.. We hadn't talked about it, but I figured he felt how I did.. That he wanted to stay married." She said softly.

"Do you really think he still loves me?" She looked up at her friend.

Ruby nodded. "Of course, Emma. I brought him to family dinner and he offered immediately to leave so that he didn't upset you. Even though he had been told it was fine he could stay. Then he left early because he could tell you weren't enjoying yourself. That he was making you uncomfortable.."

"I.. I love him, Ruby. I never stopped loving him. I'm pissed at him for leaving me, but I still love him and it's infuriating." Emma mumbled.

This is the first time she's admitted the truth to herself or anyone. She loved him, and it made her mad that he still had so much control over her heart.

Ruby leaned over and hugged Emma again. "I'm sorry, Ems.. But I think that you should give yourself a chance to be happy, just keep that in mind for me?"

Emma nodded a little. "I.. I'm not ready to forgive him yet.. But I guess he does deserve to know about my pregnancy.. Our baby.." She admitted softly.

"Do you want me or Dorothy to be there? I don't mind, in case he gets upset or something. I just don't want you to put your walls up higher than they already are." Ruby pulled her legs underneath her, turning to face Emma on the couch.

"You don't have to come, he would never hurt me physically. I let him behind my walls, and then he left.. I just don't know if I can do it again." Emma mumbled, she was worried she'd let him back in and he'd hurt her again. She didn't think she could survive it a second time.

"You deserve closure, Ems.. Remember how I told you how I lost Peter? I wasn't able to let myself be happy until I was able to get the closure I needed, and all I could do was just tell someone about it.." Ruby said softly. "But Killian is still around for you to talk to, to get your closure from.."

Emma nodded a little and looked at her best friend. "I'm sorry I never told you I was married to Killian.. I'll think about talking to him, I just don't know if I'll ever be ready.."

Ruby gave her a small smile. The girls spent the rest of the night on Emma's couch just watching movies and talking and laughing, Ruby trying to keep Emma's mind off Killian.

 **Sorry I didn't get a chapter up last week, it was Spring Break and I totally forgot. To make it up to you I'll post at least one more chapter tomorrow, if not two. Keep reviewing, I love to read your comments!**


	4. Chapter 4

Emma sat fiddling with her phone, for hours, a few days after she talked to Ruby, her phone heavy with the weight of Killian's number waiting for a text. Ruby had entered his number in before she left that night, and it had been all she could think about since.

She opened her messages for the millionth time, and hovered her thumbs over the keyboard. What did she say to the man who broke her heart? She bit her lip, as she managed to finally type out a message.

 _We need to talk. -ES_

She hit send before she could rethink her decision to talk to him and tell him the truth. To tell him about the baby she had lost. She almost jumped out of her skin when her phone vibrated in her hand not even a minute later.

 **ES? Bloody hell, Emma?**

 _Yes, Killian. Meet me tomorrow at the coffee shop at 9am. You know the one._

 **Aye, Swan. I'll be there.**

Emma let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding, nervous about meeting with him, but she felt a little relieved that he agreed so easily.

The next morning Emma found herself worrying about how she looked, like she cares what he thinks about her. She fiddled with her hair a bit more before she pulled on her red leather jacket and left her apartment.

Killian stood outside the coffee shop they used to frequent during their relationship, messing with his prosthetic hand nervously, waiting for Emma. He saw a flash of her blonde curls in the group of people walking towards him and his breath caught in his throat.

She was easily the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, and he had almost forgotten the real effect she had on him.

Emma saw him standing outside and stopped in front of him. "Hey.." She said softly.

"Morning, Swan. You look lovely." He smiled a little.

"Oh.. Thanks.." She mumbled, shoving her hands in her pockets as she led him into the shop.

"Would you like a hot chocolate, Swan?" Killian asked softly.

"Yeah.. With cinnamon." Emma was nervous, she hadn't thought she'd ever have to tell Killian the truth.

He nodded. "Why don't you get us a table, and I'll get our drinks. You look like you need a minute to yourself.."

Emma moved to protest him buying her a drink, before convincing herself it's the least he could do for her. She sat at a table in the corner by the window, and stared out it. Nervously biting her lip.

Killian watched her for a moment as he waited in line. He had no idea why Emma wanted to meet him, but he wasn't going to complain and risk scaring her off. He missed her more than he'd ever admit, and even if all she did was yell at him this morning, he thought himself lucky to even see her again.

He brought their drinks to the table, startling her out of her thoughts. "I was surprised to hear from you, Emma.." He admitted honestly.

She looked up at him, taking a sip of her drink to calm herself. "Well, I had a talk with Ruby a few days ago, and she convinced me to get my closure.."

"Closure.. Aye, I suppose you want to know why I just left without an explanation?" Killian ran his fingers through his hair.

"I.. Well, yeah, Killian.. I do want to know why. Why did you just make the decision for me? I wanted to be there for you." She sighed.

"Swan, your entire life was in Boston.. And mine, aside from you, was in back in England.. I thought I was losing Liam. I had to stay with him, and with his family. And I never could have asked you to move everything for me." He said softly.

"But what if I would have, Killian? We were married, I.. I loved you." She stared at the table, unable to look at him.

She knew the moment she looked into his eyes, she would fall for him all over again. He was still 'her Killian', but she couldn't let herself feel that pain again.

"When I saw Liam, I became the man I promised you I'd never be.. I drowned myself in rum, I pushed Elsa and the kids away.. I pushed you away."

Emma glanced up at him, and she could see the regret in his eyes.

"I shouldn't have, and I'm so sorry.. You kept calling, and I couldn't hear your voice or I'd break.. So I never picked up.." He continued.

She sighed. "I wanted to be there. I was your girlfriend, your wife." She ran her fingers through her hair nervously. "But I didn't ask you here to force you into apologies.."

"I.. Then why did you want to meet, Love?" His eyes softened, he could tell something was wrong. "Is everything alright?"

She nodded. "I need to tell you why I called so much after you sent the divorce papers.. I've only told Ruby the truth.. It was more than just that I missed you, Killian.."

"The truth? Emma, did something happen after I left?" Killian asked softly.

Emma could tell he was itching to reach out and comfort her like he used to, but he knew it likely wouldn't be welcome.

"Technically part of it happened before you left.." She mumbled. "Please don't be mad at me, when you hear it.. It.. It took me a long time to get to a place where I didn't blame myself."

"Swan.. You're scaring me, please tell me.." Killian's voice was quiet, scared of what she was going to say.

"I was pregnant, Killian." Her eyes had filled with tears. "I was alone and pregnant. Again."

He immediately moved from his seat, and pulled her into his arms. He needed to hold her, for the sake of both of them.

Emma allowed herself to be held in his arms, the tears falling down her cheeks. She sobbed silently into his shoulder, his hand rubbing her back gently. Killian closed his eyes as he rocked her gently.

"Oh, Swan.. I.. I'm so sorry.. I.. What happened to the baby?" He whispered after a few moments.

"I had a miscarriage.. The doctor said it was likely nothing I had done, but I.. I was stressed and terrified.. And, I needed you, but you sent me the divorce papers, and wouldn't answer my calls." Her voice broke as she spoke to him.

Killian wiped her cheeks, his own tears falling into her hair. "I.. I was going to be a father, and I.. I left my child.. and.. oh, Love.. I understand why you didn't want me around."

She sighed, and held onto him. "I.. I'm so sorry I lost our baby. Can I ask why you really came back to Boston?"

Killian rubbed her back gently. "I came to hopefully find you, even if all I was able to do was apologize for the way I acted. Swan, it took me too long to realize it, but you were all I needed to be happy. And I knew I needed to see you again.."

"KIllian.. I'm not.. I can't be that for you. You let me go so easily.." She said softly, pulling away from him a little.

"You think it was easy.. Bloody hell, Emma. Letting you go was the hardest thing I've ever done. Harder than dealing with losing my hand.. The only thing that kept me together, were my nephews and Elsa. They needed me with Liam on the edge." He rubbed his hand over his face.

Emma played with the sleeves of her shirt. "Killian.. I.." She didn't know what to say to him. "I'm so mad at you, I shouldn't even give you the time of day.."

"And if you never want to speak to me again after today, I'll accept it. But if I had my choice, our relationship wouldn't end here. I'd spend forever making it up to you, Love.." He told her, his determination clear in his eyes.

"I.. I want to forgive you, Killian.. I just, I don't know if I'm there yet.. I spent the last five years trying, but seeing you brought all of my feelings rushing back.. Good ones, but especially the bad. It'll take time, but.. I hope one day I can get there. It's just not today. I'm sorry." She told him softly before leaving the coffee shop without looking back.


	5. Chapter 5

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it, Mate?" Robin asked Killian as they sat in Robin's living room.

"Aye, I appreciate your concern, but it's something kind of personal and I don't think I'm ready to talk about it." He ran his fingers through his hair.

Robin nodded. "Well, it was good to hear from you, Jones. I figured you were busy, but I hadn't realized you were back in town.."

Killian looked over at his friend. "Oh, yeah, I moved back a few weeks ago.. I should have told you sooner." He shrugged.

Robin shook his head. "Don't worry about it.. Regina and Roland will be glad to see you when they get home." He smiled. "I'm going to assume your mood is because you've seen Emma?"

He sighed and rubbed his hand over his face. "Aye, how did you know?"

"There's only one reason you would show back up here after the way you left.. And it would be for her. You forget you're my best mate, I know you very well."

"Of course I came back for her.. The last five years were awful, I regret leaving her the way I did.. And it's awful, the way I treated her." He sighed.

"After you left, I didn't see her much, but I think Regina still talks to her every once in a while.. She's a strong woman though.." Robin said.

"Of course she is, my Swan was always strong.." Killian sighed. "She's showed me recently that she's stronger than even I thought she was.. Rob, I need to talk to someone about this, and I won't get to talk to Liam for a couple days.. But you can't tell anyone what I tell you.."

"Mate, of course I won't tell anyone. Is everything alright? Is Emma alright?" Robin was slightly worried at Killian's expression.

"Everything's fine, Robin.. Emma is fine. She just told me something that's important, and.. I just need to talk about it with someone." Killian took a deep breath, trying to keep tears from his eyes.

"I met Emma at a coffee shop the other day, and she told me.. She told me.. We lost a baby, Robin. She had been pregnant when I left, and.. She miscarried, and I ignored her. She was alone, and.. I should have been here."

"Oh, Killian.. I'm sorry.. Losing a baby like that is an awful feeling, and.. Obviously you're affected, but are you okay?" Robin asked.

"Aye, I'm.. I think I'm okay.. I'm more worried about what I put Emma through.. Of course I wish she would forgive me, but now.. Now I know why she might not ever forgive me. And it kills me to know that she's gone through so much alone."

"Of course, Killian.. You know you can be hurt by this too. You may not have been here, but you loved her, and you lost a child too."

"She told me that the only people who know are her doctors and her, and she just told her best friend.. Dave and Mary Margaret don't even know, Robin.. She didn't even lean on her brother, and she had tried to lean on me but I ignored her calls.." Killian sighed. "I'm a bloody idiot."

"You are an idiot, but at least she told you now, Killian. I imagine that's a big step for her, especially since you said she's barely told anyone.." Robin sighed. "Look, fight for her. Don't push her, but don't just give up. You two were good together, and I think you could still be good together."

"Thanks, Mate.. I'm sorry I kind of just dropped in on you today.." Killian looked over at him. "It really was great to see you."

"Of course, Jones."

Before either of them could say anything else, the front door opened and Roland dropped his backpack coming to find his dad.

"Papa." The almost nine year old grinned. "Gina and I got ice cream today, isn't that cool?"

Robin chuckled softly. "Aye, Lad. It's awesome." He stood to meet Regina and give her a quick kiss. "Look who came to pay us a visit, Regina."

"Well if it isn't Killian Jones?" Regina smirked at her old friend.

Killian stood and gave her a hug. "It's good to see you too, Regina.. You guys seem happy." He smiled.

Regina wrapped her arm around Robin's waist. "We are.. Roland, do you remember Killian? It's been a while since you last saw him."

Roland shrugged. "I dunno, maybe.. Hi, Killy."

"Hello there, Lad." Killian smiled, looking up at his best friend and his wife. "I should get out of your hair, but thanks for letting me talk to you, Robin.. We'll have to get together again.. It was great seeing you, Regina."

"Aye, anytime. It's good to have you back, Jones.." Robin walked him out. "Don't give up on her, or yourself." He said before Killian left.

Killian found himself a couple nights later sitting in the Rabbit Hole with Ruby, Dorothy and Robin. They were meeting Emma, David and Mary Margaret there, but Ruby couldn't hold it in any longer.

"I know you and Emma talked last week, Jones. She won't tell me how it went though. Was it okay?"

"Aye. It was fine.. She told me the truth, I can't believe I let myself believe leaving her was what was best for her. I know now that it wasn't. It wasn't better for either of us." He admitted.

"Do you really still love her?" Ruby asked. "Because she is my best friend and if you hurt her again, I'm not afraid to kick your ass." She gave him a look.

"Aye, I do, Lucas. I don't plan to ever hurt her again, but she would have to even give me a chance before that could happen." Killian shrugged.

Ruby sipped her drink, looking at him skeptically for a moment. "I believe you. And trust me, she'll come around. She knows you're going to be here tonight, and she's still coming. That's a good sign."

He nodded. "Thank you, Lass. It means a lot to me that you've been there for Emma."

"Would anyone like another drink? Killian?" Robin asked.

"No, Mate. I.. I don't drink." He shrugged. He stopped drinking a few years ago when he almost hurt his nephew in one of his drunken states.

"You don't drink? Since when?" He heard her voice ask from behind him, in disbelief.

Killian looked at her. "I.. I don't really drink anymore.. Not since an incident a while back.." He said softly, nervously scratching behind his ear.

Emma sat in the empty chair across the table from him, not wanting to be too close. "Oh, I just.. I guess I never expected to see Killian Jones turn down a glass of rum." She shrugged.

"I know, Love. I was serious about trying to be a better man though.." He glanced at her.

The corners of her mouth ticked up slightly when she saw the truth in his eyes, and she nodded at him in acknowledgement. He gave her a small smile in return.

Emma was quiet most of the night, sipping on a glass of rum and coke and listening to the group laugh and talk about their lives.

Killian tried not to stare at her, but he couldn't deny that she looked gorgeous tonight. She had on a pair of skin tight jeans, and a cream colored sweater. He glanced up once and caught her staring back at him.

Emma blushed slightly when she realized she'd been caught, looking down at the table as she pushed a piece of hair behind her ear.

"I-I'm um, going to go get a new drink." She mumbled, hastily getting up from her seat.

Killian followed her to the bar, wanting to talk to her alone. "Swan?"

"What do you want, Killian?" She turned to look at him.

"I just wanted to talk to you.. You don't look like you seem to be having fun tonight.." He shrugged.

"I'm having fun.. I've just got a lot on my mind, I guess. Are you sure you don't want anything to drink?" She asked him.

He nodded and ordered himself a soda and her another rum and Coke. She frowned.

"You didn't have to do that, and how did you know that's what I was drinking?" Emma crossed her arms over her chest.

"It used to always be your drink of choice. You forget I know you, Swan." Killian gave her a gentle smile.

She nodded a little. "I guess you're right.. I only started drinking rum when we became friends.." She took her drink. "Um, can I ask you something, Killian?"

"Aye, Love. You can ask me anything."

"How is Liam really? I.. Is he really okay after the accident?" She looked up at him.

Killian nodded. "Aye. He's doing just fine now.. It's been a long road, and he will never be as strong as he once was.. But he's healthy, and happy.. He and Elsa, their children, they're doing very well. The boys are almost eight, and their newest addition is one."

Emma smiled a little. "I'm glad they're doing well.. I-I I didn't want you to think I don't care about him. Or you." She said softly.

"I know you care about them, Swan.. And I think you care about me as well, and you have every right to be upset with me." He assured her.

"I am upset with you, and I do care for you. I can see that you're trying to be better, I'm proud of you for not drinking anymore. I know that likely isn't easy for you."

He ran his fingers through his hair. "It's not easy for me, but.. I did it to try and be a man my family, and ultimately you, could be proud of.. I realized that my drinking was hurting more than just me, and that I'd never be good enough for you.. Especially if I didn't stop drinking." He admitted.

"I.. Killian, I don't want you to think you're not worth anything simply because we didn't work out.. I was never good enough for you, and that's why it hurt me so much when you left. I let myself fall in love with a guy I knew was too good for me, and I should've known I would get hurt in the end. No one has ever chosen me." She had tears in her eyes, hating herself for admitting her deepest secret to him so easily.

"Emma.. Bloody hell, you were always and will forever be too good for me. I'm not even a whole man." He mumbled. "Um.. Do you want to get out of here? I don't think we should have this conversation in a bar.." He reached out to her.

She glanced over at their friends before placing her hand in his. "Yeah, I.. Let's go. The apartment isn't far from here." She said softly.

"You still live there?" He asked softly, leading her out the door.

She nodded. "I um.. I couldn't move out. It's the first place that ever felt like home for me." She admitted once they were outside.

He squeezed her hand gently, neither of them letting go as they walked. She took him up the stairs and unlocked the door to the apartment.

"Do you want some coffee?" She smiled at him.

"Yes, I'd love some.." He smiled back. "Can I help?" He moved into the kitchen with her.

"I've got it." She shrugged, setting the pot up and leaning against the counter. "I'm sorry about admitting something so heavy in the bar.."

"It's quite alright, Love.. I guess it just surprised me. That you ever thought you weren't good enough for me.. I know I didn't choose to stay with you, and I can honestly say that was the stupidest thing I've ever done. I wish I had stayed, or had asked you to come with me." He said softly. "I regret that every day, Swan."

"It shouldn't have hurt me like it did, but I let myself believe that you really wouldn't hurt me. I thought you were my future, I dreamt that you'd come running back, a few days later, claiming you were an idiot, begging me to take you back.." She turned from him to pour their coffee, and so he wouldn't see her tears.

"Emma, I.. I wanted to come back to you, I love you, you're it for me, I was just too blind to see that before, so I left." He moved closer to her, wanting to comfort her.

"I believe you, Killian. And I really want to just let you in again and let you be my person.. But, I.." She flicked her eyes back up to his.

"You what, Love?" He brushed her hair behind her ear gently.

"I can't take the chance that I might be wrong about you." She whispered.

Her eyes were full of conflicting emotions, and Killian wished he could take it all away for her. It was clear in his own eyes that he just wanted to hold her and tell her it would be alright. Killian nodded once at her words.

"I understand, Swan.. I'd like to continue to get to know who you are now, if that's alright?" He asked nervously.

She nodded. "Yeah, I.. I think that would be okay." She moved towards her couch and sat down, snuggling into the corner.

He stood by the other end, unsure if he was allowed to sit. She nodded and motioned to the seat.

"Sit.. I promise I'm working on not being mad at you.. Tell me about Liam, and Elsa.. And the boys?" She asked softly.

"The boys have gotten so big, Swan.. And they're brilliant lads, so strong and happy despite the fear of losing their father." He smiled, thinking about his nephews.

Emma turned her body more towards him as he talked.

"Liam is doing well, he's not the same as he was, but he's still a stubborn arse.. And Elsa, she's.. She's a strong lass. I told you they had another baby about a year ago.. A little girl.."

"You may have mentioned it once or twice." She teased. "You must really adore her.. I bet she's a daddy's girl, huh? And he doesn't like to spend too long away from her, or the twins, does he?" Emma asked.

"Aye, she is. Liam adores her, he's so grateful to be alive, and well enough to still raise a family with his wife.." Killian nodded. "It's been a long road, but they're doing well, and.. And there was really no place for me there, not when my home, my family was in a different country." He admitted softly.

"I know you say that.. But, the Killian I knew, he never would've just left like you did. It broke me, I thought I had been enough for you.. and I don't know if I'll ever be able to think of myself as the only girl for you." She said softly.

He nodded, knowing there was nothing he could say. It would take time for her, for them to be as close as they had once been, but he had hope that it would happen. Emma was quiet for a while before she spoke again.

"Can I.. Can I see a picture of the kids? I-I.. I know Liam and Elsa are probably mad at me too, but I still care about them, and their kids.." She said softly.

"Aye, Love. Of course." He moved closer to her on the couch so she could see better.

Emma noticed the background on his phone was a picture of him and Liam, and it looked fairly recent. Killian scrolled through his photos until he found one of his favorites of his nephews with their little sister.

"Oh, she's beautiful, Killian.. She looks so much like Elsa, and the twins.. I can't believe how big they are. They were probably three the last time I saw them.." She smiled.

"Aye, they've grown so much. And they're wise beyond their years, taking care of their mother and sister.." Killian smiled. "They're only lads, but they act like to be able to take care of their mom if something happened to Liam again.."

Emma nodded and yawned softly and Killian stood up.

"I should let you get some sleep, Swan.. But maybe, one day soon, you would like to meet for coffee?" He asked, scratching that spot behind his ear nervously.

She got up with him. "I um.. I think that might be okay.. I really have missed you, you were my best friend, the only one I could talk to.." She said softly. "Just text me, and we can plan a time to meet."

A small smile pulled at the corners of his mouth. "I'd like that.. Thank you for talking to me, and.. Letting me in tonight." He said softly.

She nodded and walked him to the door. She surprised him and herself by pulling him into a quick hug. "I'll see you later, Killian." She mumbled against his neck before pulling away.

Killian left and Emma leaned her back against the door once it was closed. She sighed softly.

When had she forgiven him? She thought as she stood there, she didn't even know she had until just now. She hadn't realized just how much she missed him over the years until he was here, and she easily told him everything. They hadn't spoken since he left, but it felt like they had never been apart.


	6. Chapter 6

Emma moved from her front door and into her bedroom. She pulled out a shirt from the bottom drawer of the dresser, sighing softly before she pulled it over her head.

She had kept some of Killian's clothes when she sent his things to him. She wore them to sleep, often at first, especially right after she lost the baby, but it became too much. Now she only wore them when she couldn't keep him out of her thoughts.

When she missed him more than she could bear, and tonight she needed the comfort it brought. As pissed as she still was at him for leaving her, for not letting her be with him through the difficult times, she missed him and she still loved him more than she'd ever loved anyone.

Emma crawled into bed, allowing herself to feel everything she'd been trying to forget for years. She wished he was there with her, his strong arms wrapped around her. His bare stump resting comfortably against her stomach.

Emma didn't know what had happened, but she knew she was already forgiving him. She didn't want to just forgive him because it meant she would be in his arms again. The one place she always felt like she was loved for herself, where her past never mattered. But now Killian was here, and she knew she couldn't just run too quickly back into his arms.

After tossing and turning in bed trying to sleep for a while, she gave up and went to sit on the bench by the window in her room. She leaned against the window and pulled out her phone. She paused for a moment before dialing her sister-in-law's phone number, she needed someone with her.

"Emma? Is everything alright, Sweetie?" Mary Margaret asked tiredly. "You left the bar with Killian.. Did he do something?"

Emma took a breath. "I.. I know, no he didn't do anything.. But.. I'm kind of freaking out, M&M.. I don't know what to do." She admitted. "I still love him. But I can't love him.. I can't.."

"Oh, Emma.. It's okay that you still love him. You two went through a lot together.. I know just how much he means to you.." She told her.

"But.. You don't, not really.. And he hurt me so badly.. I can feel myself forgiving him, understanding why he did it.. But I don't feel like I'm ready to do that.. I want him in my arms, to hold me and assure me everything is going to be fine. Like he used to.. But I also can't forget about what happened.. How he just left me." She sighed.

"I know, Sweetie.. Do you want me to come over? I just got Leo back to sleep and David will be fine with him in the morning.."

"I.. You don't have to, M&M.." Emma said softly. She really wanted her there, but was too scared to ask.

"You shouldn't have to be alone, Sweetie.. Don't worry about it, I'll be there soon, Emma. It's all going to be okay." She assured her, already putting her shoes on.

Mary Margaret let herself into Emma's apartment not ten minutes later. She knew where Emma was when she felt overwhelmed. Emma turned to look at her when she opened the bedroom door.

"You didn't have to come, Mary Margaret.. You probably need your sleep.." Emma said softly, tugging the blanket tighter around her shoulders.

Mary Margaret sat next to her, running a hand over her legs gently. "It's no issue, Sweetie. You're family, and you needed someone."

Emma leaned into her arms and sighed softly. "What do I do?"

"Emma, I know you're not going to like this, but.. I don't think you or him ever really stopped dating the other. You've tried going out with the guys we've forced upon you, but I know you've never enjoyed it. You compare them all to Killian, to the man you wished you were on a date with."

"But, I.. I was so hurt when he left. He broke my heart, I thought he was my future and he left me.. And I lost my-" She stopped herself before she could admit the rest of the truth to her.

"I know there's something you haven't told me, Emma.. About your relationship with Killian. And I get it, but I can't really help you unless I know everything." She ran her fingers through Emma's hair gently.

Emma took a deep breath and sighed softly. "Um.. Do you remember a couple weeks after Killian sent the papers, when I um.. I said I was sick?"

Mary Margaret nodded a little. "Yes, were you really sick?" She asked softly, scared of her answer.

"In a way.. Um, the same day I received the divorce papers, was the day I found out I didn't have a stomach bug.. I was pregnant." She said quietly. "I was pregnant and two weeks later I had a miscarriage.." Her voice had grown so quiet she wasn't sure Mary Margaret even heard her.

She pressed a kiss to her hair. "Oh, Emma.. I'm so sorry.. That's probably why you're so confused about all of this. Does he know?"

Emma nodded. "Yes, I told him a couple days after he came to family dinner.. I.. I couldn't see him and not tell him the truth. We had talked about having kids one day, and then.. It happened and he was gone.. Then so was our baby." Silent tears fell down Emma's cheeks as she talked.

"I know you're scared about getting hurt again, but I've never seen you happier than when you were with Killian. Even before you started dating. I think you should give him a chance, at least to be friends." She said softly. "Didn't you leave the bar with him last night?"

"Yes, and we had a good talk.. Which is how I ended up like this." She sighed. "He was honest with me, and he was understanding. And he was Killian, he was the Killian I used to love." She said softly. "The Killian I still love."

Mary Margaret rubbed her back gently. "I could see it earlier tonight how he still loves you, but I know you're just trying to protect your heart. Your brother and I, we just want you to be happy, so even though David might want to punch Killian for hurting you, he would never do anything if he's the man you love."

Emma sighed. "When I saw him at your house, I wanted to simultaneously kiss him and punch him. He showed me pictures of his family, and I.. I told him I'd meet him for coffee soon."

"That's a good start, Sweetie. I think it's going to be good for you to talk with him, and kind of start over, you know? Get to know who he is now, let him know the Emma you are now."

She nodded a little. "Yeah, I.. I think it would be.. I mean, neither of us are the same, but.. But that doesn't mean he's a bad person, or that.. That we couldn't one day get back to where we used to be.. Right?"

"Exactly. Now, let's get some sleep. I'm just going to stay here with you, make sure you get some sleep tonight." Mary Margaret helped Emma up and to bed.

Emma curled up with her sister-in-law. It took her a little while, but she was able to get a few hours of sleep. When she woke up the next morning, she had a blanket over her and could smell coffee.

She padded out of her bedroom into the kitchen where Mary Margaret was making her some breakfast. She smiled a little and kissed her cheek.

"You didn't have to stay and make me breakfast, M&M. You've got your son at home, and David." She shrugged. "But I am glad you stayed."

"Of course, I love my boys, but you needed me too. And you're as much family as they are, Emma." Mary Margaret gave Emma a plate and they sat down to eat.

Emma was still kind of distracted, but she felt a lot better than she had last night when she called. She fiddled with her phone, trying to decide if she should text Killian and ask him to get coffee.

After Mary Margaret left, Emma was left to her own thoughts again. She idly cleaned her apartment to keep herself distracted. When she finished that, she went to work on some of her cases, despite it being her day off, needing the distraction that only work could provide.


	7. Chapter 7

Killian's day was faring no better than Emma's, he couldn't keep himself from hoping that Emma would reach out and ask him to get coffee. He was in his office, grading the most recent papers his students had written when there was a gentle knock on his door frame.

Dorothy gave him a small smile when he looked up at her. "Hey there, Jones.. I just wanted to see if everything was okay, you and Emma kind of left all of a sudden last night.."

Killian nodded. "Aye, Lass. Come in.." He offered her the chair across from his desk. "I'm fine, Emma and I just talked for a while.. Not a conversation we wanted to have in a bar." He shrugged.

"I understand.. I may not know everything that you and Emma have been through, not like Ruby, but.. I know that you've got one hell of a past and I'm glad you're able to start working it out together, Killian."

He sighed. "I know, I'm glad she's giving me the time of day, but.. I also know I don't deserve it. I may have left to take care of my family, but.. I left the other half of my family alone. Something I knew she was terrified of me doing."

She nodded a little. "I'm not as close to Emma as my girlfriend, but I know she was hurt by you.. And based off everything she's told us about her time with you.. I think she'll always love you. You just have to prove that you're back. For good. That you're in this for the long haul, Killian."

"Aye, I know. I'm not going anywhere, and I plan to prove that to her in any way I can. I came back to see her. And I want to at least get back to our friendship.." He sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "I'm taking this at her pace, and anything she's willing to give me, I'm going to eagerly take." He admitted.

Dorothy gave him a gentle smile. "Good, you're a good man, Killian. And I'm rooting for you, for both of you together. I've distracted you enough, I should let you get back to it. Let me know if you need anything. Even if it's just someone to talk to." She got up and gave him a small nod before she left.

Killian spent the rest of his day teaching and talking to his students. He left his phone in his desk so he wouldn't be tempted to text Emma whenever he had a break in class. When he picked up his phone and extra papers at the end of the day, he was surprised to find he had a message.

 _Hey.. Can you get coffee with me Friday morning? -ES_

Killian smiled at the message, surprised but happy to see that it was from Emma.

 **Aye, Love. I'd love to, I don't teach until the afternoon so that's perfect. Is 9 good?**

He responded before he shoved his phone in his pocket to head home. He wanted to call Liam and talk to him about Emma. As much as he knew Liam supported his decision to go back to Boston, he knew Liam would never sugar coat his opinions and would tell him what he needed to hear not what he wanted.

Once he was home, he dialed Liam's number after reading a confirmation text from Emma. Liam picked up after only a few rings.

"Hello, Brother. It's good to hear from you." Liam answered, a smile evident in his voice.

Killian smiled. "Aye, I'm sorry I haven't called lately. There's been a lot going on here. I just wanted to talk to you about.. About Emma." He said softly.

"Ah.. You've found her recently then?" Liam asked.

"Aye, one of my new coworkers and her girlfriend set me up on a date with her. Coincidentally. It didn't go well, and then I agreed to go to their friend's house for dinner.. And it turned out to be Emma's brother and sister-in-law.."

"Did it not go well? Is everything okay?"

"It went fine.. Emma and I have had a few much needed conversations, but she's still hesitant to be around me." He sighed. "I don't want to push her too far too fast, I just want her to be happy, even if it's not with me."

Liam sighed. "Just keep it slow, Killian. If she's still talking and opening up to you, that means you're doing something right. Did you ask her to talk or was it her idea?"

"It was her idea mostly.. I knew she wouldn't want to see me, not after the way I left her.. But then.. Then she told me something else, and it made me feel like the world's biggest asshole. I don't deserve her forgiveness."

"What did she tell you?" He asked softly.

Killian took a breath, looking out the window of his bedroom. "She said.. She said she was pregnant when I left.." He could barely speak. "And that.. With the stress and pressures she felt of me leaving and not answering my phone.. That she.. She miscarried.." He said softly.

"Killian.. I'm so sorry.." He spoke gently. "I can't imagine how difficult that is for you. I know how much you used to think about having a family.."

Killian sighed softly. "It's okay, I'm upset that I wasn't here to help her through it, or.. That today there's not a little one running around with Emma's smile and nose.." He shook his head. "It doesn't matter. There's nothing I can do about it now."

"I understand, Brother.. Do you know when you're going to see the lovely Miss Swan again?" Liam asked.

"She actually asked me to coffee on Friday. I'm looking forward to it.. She asked about you and Elsa and the kids.. She was glad to hear you were doing better since the accident."

"That's sweet of her. Tell her I said hello and thank you for me? And enjoy the coffee. Don't make it too big of a deal. She's probably scared, and it's a big step for her to ask you to join her. She obviously cares or she wouldn't have asked."

"Aye, I'll tell her. And I'm trying to keep it simple. It's just coffee, Liam. And it surely means a lot to me that I'm getting the chance to make my mistakes up to the person I love, and have possibly hurt beyond repair." He sighed.

"Aye, Little Brother. Take your little victories, and don't mess it up again. She might forgive you once, but if you ruin it again you'll never have her.. But, I'm proud of you, Killian. For taking the chance, even if you didn't listen to me for years, you finally are going after what you want. I know how much you've missed Emma, and I know I'm not there to tell her as much.. But I think it'll mean a lot to her in the end how you treat her now."

"Younger brother." Killian groaned. "But, I just wanted to tell you everything that's happened.. I'm sorry I haven't talked to you lately, I've been busy getting settled in at work and at home.. And then how I accidentally ran into Emma and everything that's happened with her.." He sighed.

"It's alright, Killian. Elsa and the boys say hello, and they miss you.. And your niece misses you too." Liam said, Killian could hear the sounds Cassie was making over the phone.

Killian couldn't help but smile fondly. "I miss you all too. Give the twins and Cassie a hug for me. I'll video call soon so I can see all of you. Thank you for talking to me, I know it's pretty late over there."

"Of course, Brother. I was up with Cassie anyways.. But I'd do it anytime."

They gave their goodbyes and Killian made himself some dinner. His week went by quickly and before he knew it he was getting ready to meet Emma for coffee.


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry I'm a day late, I got distracted yesterday. Let me know what you think about this chapter!**

When Friday morning came around, Emma was standing outside the coffee shop waiting for him. She was nervous, but also excited to spend more time with him. He'd always been the person who easily made a bad day into something amazing, and she needed that after the way her week had gone.

When she spotted him, she couldn't keep the small smile from her face. He had on a dark patterned button down and a black waistcoat with his signature black jeans and black leather jacket.

"Hello, Love. It's good to see you." Killian greeted her with a grin.

She smiled back. "Yeah, you too.. Coffee is on me today. Do you still drink the same?"

"Aye, an americano. Thank you, Love." He nodded. He got them a table by the window while she waited in line for their drinks.

When she sat down she took a sip of her drink before she spoke. "I'm glad to see some things haven't changed." She admitted to him.

"What do you mean, Swan?" He raised his eyebrow.

She shrugged. "Just that you still drink the same coffee and dress the same way for work.. You've always known what clothes look good on you.. And you know what a waistcoat does to a girl.." She spoke softly.

He laughed softly. "Aye, I suppose I still dress the same.. I remember you weren't able to keep your hands off me when I wore clothes like this." He teased.

Emma felt the blush rising on her cheeks. "Yeah, well.. You're an attractive man, Killian. That's not news to you." She tried to brush off the effect he still had on her.

"And you're attractive yourself, Love. That beautiful long blonde hair.. Those sparkling green eyes and freckles.. I know you never believed me, but you always turned the heads of everyone in the room.." He told her honestly. "Every time we went out, every man and even some women couldn't keep their eyes off you."

She shook her head. "I'm not that great, Killian.. I never really understood what you saw in me, and then.. When you left I realized you probably never saw anything."

Killian frowned at her words. "Love, believe me when I say that you are easily the most gorgeous woman I've ever laid eyes upon. You're not only beautiful on the outside, but you've got a beautiful personality.. You're so kind and generous, despite your past and because of it. The kids you work with, they're lucky to have someone who cares so much about them and how well they are doing. Not a lot of social workers do."

She played with the lid of her cup. "I just.. I don't really want kids to have experiences similar to mine, because of me. I want them all to be safe and happy, and know they can be honest with me and that I'll always do whatever I can for them."

He nodded. "I understand.. I have my own experiences with bad social workers. Liam and I were lucky that we finally got one who fought to keep us together."

Emma nodded. "I try my absolute hardest to keep siblings together. I know what it's like to have no one, and I want those who aren't completely alone to stay that way." She shrugged. "But, for the most part I still do the same thing.. What about you, Killian? How's teaching treating you?"

"I love teaching.. Especially now that I get to teach some classes about the history I'm really interested in." He shrugged. "Not how they had a Brit teaching an American history class." He rolled his eyes.

Emma laughed softly. "I always did find that ironic. Are you teaching, uh.. Maritime history? You know, pirates and stuff?" She asked curiously.

Killian nodded. "Aye, 'pirates and stuff,' Love." He gave her a smile. "I can't believe you remembered."

She shrugged. "It was your passion, Killian. Of course I remembered.. I guess you're Doctor Jones now, huh?"

He blushed a little. "Aye, I suppose I am. But it's not that big of a deal.. I'm still Lieutenant Commander Jones, or Doctor Jones.. But to you.. To you, Swan.. I'd like to just be Killian." He admitted softly.

Emma looked down at her hands and nodded a little. "Yeah, I.. I'd like you to just be Killian too. As long as I'm still 'Swan'?" She asked nervously.

"You'll always be my Swan, Emma.. Love.." He said gently. "I know I don't exactly have any right to call you that, but.. But you've always been Swan to me, and.. I don't think that will ever change for me."

She met his eyes with a soft smile. "I'm glad to be Swan.. I like it when you call me that.." She admitted. "It's a nickname, and I don't really have many of those.. But, it's the one that's always made me feel safe.."

Killian nodded. "Even if you one day tell me to fuck off, and never speak to you again.. I will always be there to keep you safe if you need me."

She reached out and touched his hand, not realizing she had grabbed his prosthetic. "I hope you know I'm trying, Killian.. I've had a lot to think about, but.. I'm trying.. I.. I know you've hurt me, but.. But I realize you're trying too." She said softly.

He covered her hand with his good hand. "Aye. I understand, and I'm willing to give you as much time as you need, Swan. I'm trying to be a good man, to make up for what I've done.. But I also understand if I've hurt you beyond repair."

She squeezed his hand gently. "I don't think it's beyond repair, Killian. It hurts a lot, but.. I accepted a lot of what happened.. That you had your reasons.. That I'm just not cut out to be a mom, or.. Maybe I'm not cut out to have a man love me and choose me.. But, it's okay. The hardest part for me, right now, is letting you back into my life.. Opening my heart to you.."

He nodded. "I.. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't choose you. I should have. Even if I stayed in England, I should have asked you to come. You were my girlfriend, my best friend.. My.. My wife."

Emma closed her eyes for a moment. "I.. It's okay." She spoke softly. "We should both get to work, but.. Killian? Maybe you'd like to come to family dinner again? At Mary Margaret and David's?"

"Are you sure you want me there? I don't want to intrude on your family.." He asked softly.

Emma squeezed his hand and gave him a small smile. "I'm sure, Killian. I want you there.. It gets kind of annoying to be the fifth wheel, and there's no one I'd rather have to keep me from being alone among couples."

Killian smiled softly. "I'd be honored to join you then. Just text me the details, Love, and I'll be there." He assured her.

Emma nodded and let him walk her to her car like he used to. "It was nice to just talk to you, Killian.. Without any big conversations looming over us. I've missed it."

He nodded. "I enjoyed it as well, Swan. Thank you for inviting me. I hope you have a good day at work." He kissed the back of her hand.

She blushed a little and nodded. "You too. Knock 'em dead, Doctor Jones." She teased as she got in her car.

Killian grinned at her and watched her drive off. Emma couldn't help but smile the rest of the day. She hadn't expected to enjoy spending time with him as much as she did. Killian had been so honest and gentle with her, something she hadn't ever expected to have again.


	9. Chapter 9

It was starting to feel like old times again for Emma and Killian. They were getting comfortable around each other, and Emma felt safer with Killian than she had before. She was starting to feel like herself again, someone she hadn't been since she last had Killian in her arms, confident in herself and growing confident in Killian's intentions.

She was looking through her new cases when she looked up and saw Ruby grinning at her from the door frame. She sighed and eyed her friend nervously.

"Do you need something, Ruby?"

She shook her head. "No, I just noticed the smile on your face and was wondering what made you so happy. You haven't had this big of a smile since I've known you."

Emma shrugged. "I'm just having a good day, Ruby. It's nothing. Really." She tried to change the subject, not wanting to jinx herself.

"Please, Emma. I know something had to have happened to make you smile like that.. I won't push because I don't want to upset you. But.. But whatever it is, I'm happy that you're happy, Emma."

Emma nodded. "Thank you.. All I'll tell you is that I had coffee with Killian this morning, I'm trying to forgive him and be nicer." She shrugged.

Ruby smiled a little. "I'm proud of you, Emma. I know it's not easy for you to let Killian in again, but from an outsider's perspective, I can see that he still cares for you, and that he'd pack up his recently resettled life if you told him you never wanted to see his face again."

She shrugged. "I don't want him to leave. He may have really hurt me, but he's still an important part of my life.. When I met him I wasn't too far out of college and I was struggling with the job.. He helped me be the person I am today.. The social worker I am." She admitted.

Ruby leaned on the edge of Emma's desk in front of her. "He's a good man. You don't deserve the way he treated you, but I think his intentions now are pure. But I'll definitely kick his ass if he does anything to take that smile off your face."

"Thank you, Ruby.. But I really should get back to work. I'll see you at David's tomorrow night?" Emma gave her a look that the conversation was over.

Ruby held up her hands in surrender. "Alright, alright. I get it. I'll see you tomorrow night, text me if you need anything?"

She nodded and worked for the rest of the day. Before she knew it she was playing with Leo waiting for Killian to get to Mary Margaret and David's. She tried to use the baby to distract herself from the fear he wasn't going to come.

David was on the other side of the kitchen island, watching her curiously. "If he doesn't come and hurts you again, I'll kill him. Don't you worry about that." He assured his sister.

"Don't hurt him.. He's not late yet, David, he'll be here. He promised." Emma rolled her eyes. She played with Leo and the toy she had in front of him, she loved listening to his giggles.

Ruby and Dorothy showed up a few minutes later, and Emma welcomed another distraction. They didn't know Killian was coming, so Emma didn't want to bring up the fact that he was late.

Emma kept checking her phone, hoping that he would text her, or call her. As it got twenty minutes passed the time she told him to get there she was starting to get upset, Killian had always been one to show up fifteen minutes early and now he was late without even a text.

Just as Emma was starting to get frustrated with him, her messages formulating in her head there was a knock at the front door.

"I'll get it." She waved David away as she headed to the door.

When she opened it, Killian was standing there out of breath and slightly dishevelled. Emma wanted to yell at him, but she could read him and could tell he was just a frustrated as she was. He was itching to run his fingers through his hair but he was holding a bottle of wine so he couldn't.

Emma frowned at him. "You're late. The Killian I know would never be late." She said softly.

"I know, Love.. I'm so sorry.. My car broke down a mile from here, and I couldn't get it taken care of.. I left my phone at home, you know I've always been bad at keeping up with it.." He sighed. "I walked here as quickly as I could, I'm so sorry. I hate that I'm so late."

She looked at him wearily. "I.. I don't know, Killian. I.. I believe you." She sighed. "I'm sorry about your car. But, come in.. We were just about to sit down." She opened the door wider for him.

He came in and followed her to the table. "Apologies for my tardiness. It's been one hell of an evening. I brought a bottle of wine.. I remember you used to like red, Mary Margaret?"

Mary Margaret got up and took it from him. "Oh, thank you, Killian, I do like red.. Sit there next to Emma. We're glad you could come." She smiled, rubbing Emma's shoulder as she passed.

Emma took a breath as Killian sat next to her. He greeted David, Ruby and Dorothy as well, as he sat. Emma was upset with him, despite the fact that she knew he had told her the truth about his car.

Dinner was relatively uneventful, they talked about work and little Leo. Emma was quiet most of the night, unsure of herself and what to say. They all seemed to notice, but no one said anything, knowing pushing Emma to talk wasn't going to help in anyway.

After dinner Emma immediately offered to wash the dishes, needing a moment to herself. What she didn't expect was for Killian to offer his help. She bit her lip as she ran the water.

"Swan, is everything alright?" He asked nervously.

She glanced at him and sighed. "Yeah, I'm fine.. I just.. I just thought you'd decided you didn't want anything to do with me anymore, and.. I don't know, it's hard to take in."

He frowned. "I know, Love.. And I'm so sorry. I never wanted you to think I didn't want to come.. I hated that I was late tonight, and if there's anything I can do to make it up to you, please. Let me know."

She nodded a little. "Thanks, Killian.. I.. I'm trying, and I know you're telling me the truth, I can tell but.. I guess I just have trust issues." She sighed. "But thank you for apologizing, it does mean a lot to me."

They finished the dishes in a sort of comfortable silence, and Emma surprised herself, and Killian, when she wrapped him in a hug. "Thank you for coming. I know it wasn't the greatest dinner, but I'm glad you were here."

He hugged back gently. "Of course, there's no place I'd rather be, Swan. You asked me to come so I came. Even if everything tried to keep me from it."

She looked up at him and gave him a tiny smile. "I guess it's partly my fault too, huh? I mean, I couldn't even give you the benefit of the doubt."

He shrugged. "It's okay, I should've tried to borrow a phone.. It's my fault." He brushed a stray piece of hair behind her ear. "You look lovely tonight, Swan.." He said softly.

She blushed and laughed at him. "Don't flatter me, I'm wearing leggings and a sweater, Killian. And I had to wear my glasses." She shook her head. "I'm nothing special."

"You're very special, Emma, you honestly deserve the world. I know I'm not worthy of you, but I consider myself lucky that you're giving me the time of day. Plus, I like your glasses.. They remind me of when we first met all those years ago."

Emma took his hand. "No matter what happens, a part of me will always love you, Killian. You once asked me if I'd ever been in love, and at the time I thought I had.. But, I hadn't.. Not until I fell in love with you. And you broke me, but that doesn't mean I don't still love you."

Killian nodded and squeezed her hand gently. "Aye, I will always love you too, Swan.. I think I've always loved you, my heart belonged to you even before we met." He said softly.

Emma was about to do something stupid like kiss him when Mary Margaret cleared her throat from the doorway.

"I'm sorry, I just came to get the dessert.. And see how you were doing with the dishes." She said as she moved around them to get what she needed.

Emma let go of Killian's hand and moved to help. "Oh, we finished the dishes.. Uh, sorry it took so long.. We had to talk a bit." She shrugged.

"It's alright, Sweetheart. We all understand." She assured her friend.

Killian wished their moment hadn't been interrupted, but he knew it was probably a good thing before one of them did something they weren't ready for. He had wanted to press a kiss to her forehead, or her lips, but knew he couldn't. Not with the risk that he'd scare her off.

"Did I interrupt something, Killian?" Mary Margaret asked after Emma had left the kitchen.

He shook his head. "No, Lass.. You're fine. We were just talking, I can tell Emma is trying to be as honest as she can with me.. I know I hurt her, but I will always love her. Even if that means letting her go again."

"She went through a lot of pain when you left, and did what she usually does and kept it all to herself. It's hard for her, and she's terrified to let you in again.. But if you're patient, and prove to her that you're really in it this time I think you'll both end up happy.. Together." She told him.

"Thank you. I made an awful mistake and I know I could spend forever making it up to Emma if she'll let me." He admitted softly.


	10. Chapter 10

**Y'all I'm so sorry this took so long for an update. I'll try not to take so long with the next one, but I've decided to rework a bit of the story following this chapter.**

 **Let me know what you think!**

Over the next few weeks, Killian and Emma started to spend more and more time together. Killian would come to dinner at Mary Margaret and David's, they would have coffee sometimes, or even get lunch together during work.

Emma was starting to feel like she could trust him again. The walls she built around her heart after he left were crumbling a little bit more every time she and Killian spent time together. Killian tended to let Emma initiate their plans, so he didn't risk pushing her too quickly.

It had been a couple of months since Killian had moved back to the States when Liam told him he and his family were going to come visit him. Killian wanted to ask Emma to join them for dinner one night, knowing she hadn't seen Liam since before his accident.

He was fidgeting with his phone, waiting for Emma to respond to his text inviting her for dinner. He knew she was likely just busy with work, but he couldn't help but worry she wouldn't want to come. When he felt his phone buzz in his hand he was jolted out of his thoughts.

I'd love to come and see Liam and Elsa. Just let me know where to show up, and I'll be there. (:

Killian smiled at his phone as he responded.

Aye, Love. I know they'll be so happy to see you as well. It'll be Friday night at 6, Liam hasn't decided where yet, but I'll let you know.

Alright, I'll see you then..

Emma put her phone down on her desk and sighed softly. She was happy that Killian invited her to dinner with his brother and his family, but she was also nervous. Liam was a very important part of Killian's life, and part of the reason why he decided to move back to England.

It was a big step for him to invite her, let alone for her to agree to spend an entire evening with his family. Emma felt like she knew nothing about family, despite having been adopted into an amazing home at seventeen. She would never truly understand the bond Killian has with Liam, and it scared her that he would choose to leave again.

Over the few months since she decided to give Killian another chance, she'd realized that he really did care for her, and he truly wanted to make up for his mistake of ever leaving her in the first place. She started to understand his perspective on the issue. They talked about everything and nothing all at once, and the ease with which he still understood her made her more ready to trust him.

Killian Jones was slowly pulling the bricks back from around her heart, and she could feel herself pushing against him less and less and instead pulling him toward her.

On Friday night she spent longer than she'd like to admit trying to decide what to wear. She finally settled on her favorite pair of jeans, and a light grey sweater. She let her hair curl naturally around her shoulders, putting in her favorite earrings.

She slid into her favorite leather jacket and headed towards the restaurant. She couldn't help but smile a little when she saw Killian waiting outside with his niece in his arms. Liam was playing some kind of game with the twins, as Elsa watched them with a smile. Killian looked up as if he knew she was close and grinned at her.

"Hey there.." She said softly as she approached, their heads turning to look at her.

"Greetings, Love. We're glad you could come." Killian smiled.

Liam held his arms out for a hug. "Emma Swan.. After all this time." He smiled.

Emma hugged him gently. "Liam Jones.. It's good to see you.. I was so worried about you, you know."

He kissed the top of her head like he used to. "Well, I'm glad I got to see you again, Lass. You look as beautiful as ever."

She blushed at his words. "A charmer just like your brother.." She turned and gave Elsa a hug.

Elsa couldn't help but hug her too. "Oh, Emma.. Thank you for coming. It's so good to see you."

"Of course, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to see you all.. Or to meet the newest member of the Jones family." She smiled.

Killian was talking quietly to the little girl in his arms. He pointed towards Emma as he spoke. Emma gave a little wave.

"Hello there, little one.." She smiled. "Aren't you beautiful. What's her name?"

Killian pressed a kiss to her hair. "Cassie Jones." He smiled.

"It's very nice to meet you, Cassie Jones. And I doubt you boys remember me, it's been a long time." Emma spoke to the twins.

They shrugged. "You're Uncle Killian's friend.. He had your picture in his room at home." One of them said.

"Oh, he did, did he?" She raised her eyebrows, looking up at Killian.

Killian blushed a little and shrugged sheepishly. "Aye.. I did.. I missed you, Emma. But, that's beside the point.. Let's go in and get a table."

Emma nodded and followed them into the restaurant. She sat next to Killian once they were seated and smiled a little. "You look happy, Killian.."

"I am, Love.. I've got my family, and you, all together.. There's nothing more I could ask for." He smiled a little.

She gave him a small smile. "I'm glad.."

Once they had all ordered Emma started to ask Liam and Elsa about their life now. She hadn't thought she'd receive as warm of a welcome as she did, and she was grateful they still seemed to care for her.

"I mostly stay home with the kids these days." Liam said. "I missed so much with the twins that I don't want to miss anymore.. I do a bit of analysis of recruits for the Royal Navy every couple of weeks, but I'm happy taking care of my baby girl." He smiled a little.

Emma smiled at him. "I understand. She's absolutely precious. And Elsa, you're still at the same firm?"

She nodded. "Yes, I'm still with them. They were so understanding with Liam's accident that I couldn't think about leaving.. But, we're doing well.. The boys are doing well in school, my husband is back with me.. And Killian is happier.."

Emma nodded, glancing over at Killian. "Yeah, it's been nice having him around again. It's been a slow process, but I think we're getting back into a good relationship.." She said softly.

Killian gave her a gentle smile. "Aye, Love. It's been nice to see your smile, and get to know you again."

"Are you still a social worker, Emma?" Liam asked.

"Yes, I am. And I still love it.. I love that I get to help kids who are in similar situations to mine as a child. Maybe give them a better life that I ever had."

He gave her a smile. "Aye, that's great, Lass. I bet you're the best they've got. And your brother and his wife, how are they?"

"They're great.. They actually have a son, he's one and a half. He's adorable." Emma couldn't help but smile as she talked about Leo. She loved her nephew, and had always been close to the baby.

"That's great, you'll have to tell them we said hello." Elsa smiled as she rubbed Cassie's back. "I bet they're wonderful parents."

"Definitely. Mary Margaret has always wanted kids, and David is a natural. So kind, and gentle.. Leo is definitely one very loved little boy." Emma nodded.

The rest of their dinner went well, and Killian was happy to see that Emma still felt comfortable with his brother and sister-in-law. He put his arm around the back of her chair as they talked, and Emma leaned back into him after a while.

She looked up at him and smiled softly. "Are you alright, Killian? You've been kind of quiet tonight.." She asked softly.

"Oh, aye, Love.. I'm just happy listening to you all talk. I guess I just got lost in my thoughts.. I'm sorry, Love." He apologized softly.

"It's alright. I just wanted to be sure everything was okay. Your brother is here, you should be happy."

He smiled a little. "I'm very happy, Swan. I promise. I'm really glad you came tonight.. It means a lot to me."

"Of course, Killian. I'm glad you asked me to come.. It really means a lot to me that you wanted me here." She took his hand and squeezed it gently. "I've had a lot of fun tonight."

He ran his thumb over the back of her hand. "Aye, so have I, Swan.. I've got your dinner tonight, don't worry about it, okay?"

She sighed. "Killian.. You don't have to buy my dinner.. I would've come anyways, and I can pay for my own food."

"I know you can, Emma. But I want to, you bought my lunch last time we went to that diner you love.. It's not a big deal." He assured her.

Emma just nodded, pulling her hand back to her own lap when she realized Liam and Elsa were watching them closely. She blushed slightly, and asked Elsa a question, hoping to quickly change the subject.

"Can I hold Cassie?" She asked nervously.

"Oh, of course." Liam passed the baby to her.

Cassie sat on Emma's lap and looked up at her with big blue eyes. Emma grinned at her, playing with her blonde curls gently.

"You're so beautiful.. I can already tell you have your daddy wrapped around these little fingers, huh?" She spoke softly to Cassie.

She babbled at her, reaching up and grabbing at her hair. Killian watched her for a moment.

"She likes you.." He said softly.

Emma looked up at him with a smile. Cassie turned her attention to her uncle when she heard his voice. "Killy." She tried to say with a grin.

"Hello, my little love. This is Emma.. She's my friend. Her hair is blonde like yours, you like that don't you?" His voice was so gentle, and loving.

Seeing Killian interact with his niece made Emma's heart ache for the baby she and Killian lost. She just knew he would be an amazing father, and found herself wishing they hadn't lost the chance to be parents.

"You miss her, don't you, Killian?" She asked softly.

Killian nodded and bit his lip slightly. "Aye, I do.. But I don't regret my decision to move back to Boston. It brought you back into my life, I can still visit with them.. But if I had never come back, I never would have found you again.."

Emma nodded a little. "Well, I know it's hard to be away from people you love.. But I'm also glad you came back.. For me.."

"I actually encouraged him to come to Boston, Emma.. He didn't think you'd ever talk to him again, so he made excuses to stay with us.. With me or with Cassie and the twins.. But, his heart was across an ocean, and he already lost it because of me, and his own idiocy, that I wasn't going to let him be unhappy forever." Liam told Emma.

He wanted her to know that despite leaving her, Liam knew it wasn't something Killian would choose to do again. If Killian would've taken his head out of his ass, he would've known Liam never would have wanted him to leave her.

Emma nodded at Liam's words. "I understand why he went in the first place.. His brother could have died, and his sister-in-law was alone with two young children.. I just wish he would've asked me, and not made the decision that I wouldn't come to him, for me.." She admitted, to Liam, to Killian, and maybe even to herself for the first time.

"He's a bloody idiot for it. But I know that he never stopped loving you, Emma. I think he thought he was doing what was best for you, but what I saw before, and how much I see now.. He never should've left you for me. He's got a lot of mistakes to make up for." Liam shook his head.

Emma turned her attention to Killian. The tips of his ears were red, and he wouldn't meet her eyes. She laid her hand against his leg for a moment.

"He's already started.. I think we've come a long way in the last couple of months.." She said softly.

Killian looked up at her and nodded. "Aye, I've screwed up my life enough.. I was scared, and I acted before thinking about how it would affect you. I hate how badly I hurt you, Swan. And all I want is to make it up to you."

Emma squeezed his leg gently. "I know, Killian.. I know.." She said softly. "I really should get home, and let you all get back to spending time as a family.."

"Are you sure, Emma? I can't speak for Killian, but we don't mind having you here. We might no longer be family, but we still consider you to be as good as.." Elsa told her.

"I'm sure.. I really loved getting to see you tonight, but I know Killian isn't going to see you much anymore, and I just want you to be able to have that time together.. Without me. I know what it's like to be alone, to not have any family to rely on.. I don't want Killian to feel that way."

"Alright, it's your choice, Lass." Liam gave her a smile, "But we've enjoyed your company tonight.. And you let me know if my brother ever hurts you again, and I'll make sure he knows what kind of idiot he is to mess up something so special with you. Again."

Emma smiled a little, she thought it was cute how willing Liam was to stand up for her to his own brother. "I will.. Thank you."

She got up and gave him and Elsa a hug, waving to the twins and pressing a gentle kiss to Cassie's hair. She came back to Killian and hugged him tightly before kissing his cheek. "Call me next week? I really enjoyed tonight." She whispered.

Killian pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Aye, Love. I'll call you. Let me know if you need anything, okay?"

She nodded and gave him another smile before she left. As Killian and his family headed back to his house, Liam kept asking him questions about the true nature of his relationship with Emma. Killian tried to brush off the questions, not wanting to talk about it and risk messing it up.

"I know you still love her, Brother.. And I'd like to believe she still loves you as well. She's a great lass, one I'm not sure you deserve after the way you treated her in the past, but if she's willing to forgive you, so must I." Liam sighed.

Killian tried not to roll his eyes at his brother. "Aye.. I don't think I'll ever love anyone else. I know that by Emma's side is where I'll be happy again, but I don't know if she'll ever let me get there.." He sighed.

"Killian, after what I saw at dinner, I think Emma's already there. She's just scared, maybe that you'll hurt her again.. I don't know, but give her the time she needs to come to you and I sincerely believe she will.." Elsa assured him with a hand on his shoulder.

He nodded. "Aye, thank you, Lass.." He said softly.


	11. Chapter 11

In the weeks following Liam and Elsa's visit, Killian hadn't been able to spend much time with Emma. Her workload had suddenly increased, and she always put all she had into making her the kids were taken care of.

New cases were being given to her, and her established homes weren't doing well. She felt like everything was going wrong at once, but she was still trying to find time to spend with Killian.

Emma had been so busy she didn't notice the day that was approaching until she woke up that morning. She felt like a heavy weight was keeping her from getting out of bed.

She finally realized what day it was when she picked up her phone to shut her alarm off. It was the anniversary of one of the worst days of her life, the day she had the miscarriage.

Emma forced herself out of bed, to call in sick, before burying herself back in the dark. The first couple of years it felt like she was reliving that day over again, until she forced herself to try and move on. She was relatively fine for a few years, today however, she was feeling everything all over again.

Her phone kept going off all morning, her brother and friends trying to get ahold of her. She was so shaken by the depression that seemed to settle over her, that she easily ignored them. She was reliving that day every time she closed her eyes.

Around lunch time she heard a knock at her front door. She ignored it, willing whoever it was to leave her alone.

David used his 'emergency key' to unlock the front door. Emma hadn't shown up for their usual lunch date, and he was worried about his little sister. It wasn't like her to not to let him know if she couldn't make it.

Emma pushed out of bed, wrapping her blanket tightly around her shoulders. When David saw his little sister, he immediately wrapped her in his arms.

"Oh, Emma." He cradled the back of her head and held her tightly. "I'm here.." He whispered.

She buried her face in her brother's chest, the tears she'd been holding back all morning finally falling down her cheeks. "David.." She whimpered softly.

He knew she wouldn't be able to move now that she'd started crying, so he just settled them against the wall and held her.

"I'm here.. You're okay, you don't have to talk, just know I'm here." He rocked her gently, and rubbed her back soothingly.

Emma cried silently for a while, tears streaming down her cheeks. David took on the opportunity to send a text to Mary Margaret, letting her know he was going to stay with Emma for a while.

When Emma seemed to calm a little, David brushed the hair from her face. "Hey, have you eaten today? How about I make you something?"

She closed her eyes, shaking her head slightly. "No.. I.. I don't know if I can.." She blinked at her brother.

"You need to eat, Emma. I'm not going to leave you, but I'm not going to let my only little sister starve herself." He wiped her cheeks with his thumbs.

"Yeah.. okay.." she mumbled, tugging her blanket back around her shoulders.

Her brother helped her up from the floor, kissing her forehead. He sat Emma down at her counter and made her a grilled cheese.

David knew better than to push his sister to talk when she didn't want to. Emma played with her blanket quietly before starting to talk.

"I'm sorry I missed lunch.. I um.. It's not a good day for me.." She looked up at him.

"It's okay, I was just worried when you didn't show up and then didn't answer my messages, and I asked M&M and she hadn't heard from you either.. I just wanted to be sure my little sister was okay."

She nodded a little. "I.. I'm sorry for worrying you. I kind of was um.. distracted today.. Um, it's just the.." She tried to tell him about today but couldn't get the words out.

David shook his head. "You don't have to tell me.. But if you'd like I will stay for a while, so you don't have to be alone."

"No, you've got to get back to work, David. I'm not worth it.. I'll be fine."

He shook his head. "You've been my sister for over ten years and you still can't get it through your head that I would do anything for you." David set the plate in front of her and kissed her head.

Emma sighed. "But I'm.. I'm not worth it, you shouldn't have to take care of me. I shouldn't even be this upset but I can't help it."

"I don't have to, but I want to. When you came out of your room, I barely recognized you. You look like you haven't slept, like you haven't been eating well. But you're family, I love you, and I'm not going to let you suffer through this alone."

Emma hugged her brother tightly again. "Can we eat in the living room?" She asked softly, sounding like a little kid.

David chuckled softly and nodded. "Of course, get settled and I'll grab your phone. I texted M but she won't be content until she hears from you."

"Oh, yeah.. Thanks." She sighed softly.

Emma wasn't feeling as overwhelmed by her emotions now that her brother was here, but she still felt the weight of the day. She needed to tell David, but she was worried he'd tell her to talk with Killian.

She nibbled at her sandwich, staring blankly at the wall. She was so lost in her thoughts she didn't realize David had sat back down next to her. She shook herself out of her thoughts when she felt him rest his hand against her back.

"If you want to talk about it, I'm here to listen.. I'll keep my mouth shut.. I just know you, and I know you need to let it out before it eats you alive." He tried to make it sound like no big deal.

Emma leaned into her brother's chest and sighed were quiet for almost ten minutes before Emma spoke. "Today.. It's.. It's the day I lost the baby.."

She spoke so softly, David wasn't sure he even heard her. He just pressed a kiss to her hair and held her closer.

"If I had known I would've taken all day off to spend with you.." He said softly. "Does um.. Does Killian know?"

She shook her head. "No one does. Except you now.. It just.. I was so busy with work lately that I didn't realize what day it was.."

He nodded, and just held his sister. Emma didn't speak for a moment but then she sighed. "I don't know if I can tell him, David. I'd handled this day so well the last few years, but with him back in my life, and everything he makes me feel.. I just.. I don't know if I can."

"It's your choice whether you talk to him or not.. But you've come a long way lately, and I don't want you to let this push you from him." He said softly.

"I may be your overprotective big brother, but I can tell that you want to be with him, and I've already had my second, more threatening, big brother speech with him. I don't think he's going anywhere this time around.."

Emma shifted so she could look at him. "What? Since when are you Killian's biggest fan?"

"I'm not necessarily his biggest fan, especially after how he hurt you. But that doesn't mean I don't think he's good for you, or that I can't see how happy he makes my little sister.."

Emma could feel tears coming again, whether they were because of what David said or because she hadn't cried all of her tears yet, she didn't know.

"Look, I.. Just." She wiped at her cheeks. "Please, it's too much. I've handled this anniversary and the actual event on my own. I don't want his help."

David shook his head. For someone so good at spotting a lie, Emma was a terrible liar. "I understand."

Emma curled up against his side, burying her face against his shirt. David could feel her tears soaking his shirt.

They stayed there together for awhile before there was another knock on the door.

"Swan? Please tell me you're okay.." Killian's voice sounded from behind the door; voice broken and full of worry.

"It's open, Killian." David called back, he knew Emma needed Killian.

Killian opened the door, and ran his fingers through his hair at the sight of Emma buried against David. "Oh, Swan." He breathed. "Is-"

Before he could finish his question, David shook his head quickly. "Stay.. She'll never admit it but she needs you." He spoke softly.

Killian nodded and sat on Emma's other side, reaching out and gently rubbing small circles against her back. He knew just what to do to help calm her down.

Emma's sobs slowly subsided and she pulled away from David slightly to look at him. "K-Killian?" She hiccuped.

"Aye, Love.. I'm here.." He brushed her hair behind her ear.

She closed her eyes at his touch and instinctively moved to cuddled against him. She tugged on his brace, pulling his arms tighter around her.

Killian was surprised, but just pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead and held her. David gave Killian a reassuring pat on the shoulder.

He wanted to ask, to understand what had upset his Swan so much. "I'm here, Swan.. I've got you.." he whispered to her.

Emma was shaking, but her tears weren't coming as much anymore. "Why'd you come?" She whispered.

"I stopped by your office with coffee, but Ruby said you weren't there and she hadn't heard from you since yesterday afternoon. I was scared, I suppose, Love."

She nodded a little and sighed. "I need to tell you something.." She bit her lip nervously.

"Anything, Swan.. You can tell me anything." He assured her.

David got up and moved to clean up the kitchen to give them some privacy. Emma adjusted herself on Killian's lap knowing this was something she had to do. He deserved to know.

"Um.. T-today is uh.. I.." She couldn't seem to form the right words, all she could think about was how she'd been alone. At a time when she'd needed him most.

"Take your time, Swan.." He whispered, his fingers combing through her hair, gently working out the knots.

Emma wiped hastily at her cheeks. "It's.. Today.. I um.. I lost our baby.." Her voice growing quieter with every word.

Killian pulled her in closer. "Oh, Emma.. That's what's upset you?" He closed his eyes, the weight settling on him. "And you've gone through this alone for years.."

She shook her head. "I didn't want to tell you, Killian.. I've been able to handle it for a few years now, but this year.. I.. I guess it all just got brought up again because you're here now.."

"I can't imagine how difficult of a day this is for you, Love. I feel enough pain just from you telling me, and I wasn't around when it actually happened. I wish I was, I wish I had been here for you then.."

New tears fell down her cheeks, and she buried her face in his neck. "I-I.. I just, I didn't think anyone cared enough to come look for me today."

Emma pulled away from him, getting up and moving towards the window. She hated that it was so easy for her to open up to him, even after everything he'd put her through.

Killian followed her, wanting to still comfort her. He knew he'd hurt her, but he'd never imagined she'd still feel this much pain so many years later.

"Swan, I know we're still getting used to each other again.. But, I thought I'd been honest that I would always be worried about you.." He spoke softly, wanting to reach out and hold her.

She took a deep breath. "I.. Killian, you have no idea how mad I am at you. I'm pissed. And I hate that I'm pissed. I don't like feeling like this. Angry, and hurt, and.. and ugh." She groaned, turning and smacking him in the chest.

"I hate you for what you did to me, to us. But I also can't help but fucking love you. And your dumb face, and. Damnit." She kept hitting against his chest, finally letting everything out that she'd been holding in.

Killian could tell she'd been pushing everything down for a while, and that she needed to just let some of it out. Even if it meant hitting him repeatedly.

After a few minutes she felt better and rested her forehead against his chest. "I hate you, Killian Jones." She mumbled.

Killian wrapped his left arm around her waist so he could run his good hand through her hair like she likes. "You're allowed to hate me, Love. I deserve it, but that doesn't mean I won't do anything I can to make sure you're okay."

Emma wrapped her arms around him and sighed softly. "I'm sorry for freaking out just now.. it's been a lot today.. but I'm glad you came?"

"Is that a question?" He teased gently.

She rolled her eyes dramatically, and smacked him again. "Stop it, Jones. I'm trying to apologize here."

"My apologies, Love. You don't have to thank me though, I'm glad to be here with you. Even if you already had Dave."

She nodded and pulled away. "We should probably find my brother.. He took off work for me, and I'd feel bad."

She took hold of Killian's hand and dragged him to the kitchen where she knew David was hiding. "Sorry about that.."

David looked up from his phone and shook his head. "Don't worry about it, I'm just glad you're feeling better. It gave me a chance to assure my wife that you were going to be alright."

Emma nodded a little and glanced at Killian. "Um, you both don't have to stay.. But, I um.. I'd rather not be alone.."

Killian nodded a little. "I've got to teach in an hour, but I can come back after my class, if Dave doesn't mind staying with you until then.."

David nodded. "I'll be glad to stay until you get back, Killian. I'm sure you'd rather have him here than me, Emma."

She shrugged. "I don't particularly care.. But I know you've got a wife and my painfully adorable nephew to get home to."

David smiled a little. "Yeah, well, I'll stay as long as you want me here. And I promise you won't be alone today.. I'll be here for you."

Emma nodded, finally letting go of Killian's hand. "I'll see you later, yeah?" She asked, looking up at him.

"Aye, I'll be back in a couple hours. And I'll bring dinner." He kissed her cheek. "I'll have my cell phone on me if you need me during class."

She squeezed his arm gently. "Thank you."

Killian gave her a small smile as he left. David watched Emma's eyes as they followed Killian out the door.

"Do you want to watch a movie? I promise I won't try to bring up your feelings for Killian." David spoke, shaking Emma from her thoughts.

"Oh, uh, yeah.. a movie. That.. that's good." She bit her lip, curling up with her blanket again on the couch.

David put on The Princess Bride, knowing it is Emma's favorite movie. Over the rest of the afternoon, Emma began to feel better. David knew better than to treat her differently than he normally would.

Killian came back to her apartment as quickly as he could after he finished teaching, only stopping briefly to pick up their dinner. He was greeted by the sounds of Emma's laughter as he opened the door.

"Swan, I'm back." He said as he moved to the kitchen.

She was grinning when she came into the kitchen. "Hey, thanks for bringing dinner."

Killian smiled back softly. "Of course, Love. I'm glad to see you with a smile on your face. I picked up your favorite from the Thai place you used to love.. Um, I hope that's alright?"

"It's perfect, I love Thai." She squeezed his arm and turned to her brother. "Go on, David. Get home to your family.. I don't need to be monopolizing your time." She kissed his cheek. "But thank you. For everything." She said softly.

David gave Emma a firm hug. "Alright, alright.. Let me know if you need anything, okay? I'll always be here for you."

Killian and Emma settled onto the couch to eat. Killian could tell she still wasn't quite her usual self, but that she seemed to be feeling better. Emma curled into his side after she finished eating, and ended up falling asleep shortly after.

He let her sleep on him for a while before carefully moving her to her bed. She woke up just after he laid her down, and reached for him.

"Thank you, Killian.. And I'm sorry about the baby." She breathed, still half asleep.

He kissed her forehead. "It's not your fault, Love. Thank you for telling me, and call me if you need anything at all."


	12. Chapter 12

The next weekend, Killian found himself curled up on Emma's couch again, watching some movie that Emma put on. Emma had curled into his arms and was currently falling asleep with her head on his chest, her hand holding his arm, where his prosthetic ended, lightly. He rubbed her hip gently, hoping to soothe her to sleep.

When she called him and asked him to come over and hang out with her, he could hear that something was wrong in her voice. He knew it had probably been a particularly rough day at work, that she likely had a child who hit close to home.

Killian didn't push her to talk when he showed up. He just offered her a bag of chinese takeout and a bottle of the rum he knew she used to like. She gave him a tentative smile as they settled onto her couch to eat.

He told her a story about a ridiculous essay one of his students had submitted, hoping he would get a smile out of her. She laughed with him, some of the pain rolling off her. The tension in her shoulders easing slightly.

Now, he sat holding her close, as she slept soundly in his arms. He wanted her to feel safe, and he could tell that she must have felt safe enough with him to want his comfort instead of her brother's or best friend's.

He ended up falling asleep for a few hours, with her cradled against his chest, and the next thing he knew Emma was tugging at his arm gently to wake him up.

"Killian.. Killian wake up.." She spoke softly, her voice tired.

He blinked at her slightly. "Swan? Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, just come to bed with me.. It's late, and we're tired.. I don't want you driving home this late.. And the couch isn't somewhere we should be sleeping.." She offered her hand.

Killian took her hand. "Are you sure, Love? I don't want to overstep my bounds. I don't mind sleeping on the couch."

Emma shook her head. "I'm sure. I want you to hold me while I sleep.. And this couch sucks, you and I both know that."

He let her lead him to her bedroom. "Do you mind if I.. Um, take my hand off?" He asked softly.

"Of course not, I know you hate sleeping in that thing." She said as she moved to her closet. She changed quickly then dug out a pair of Killian's old pajama pants for him. "Here, you don't have to sleep in those jeans."

"Thank you, Love.." He said softly, changing into the pajamas before taking off his prosthetic and climbing into bed with her.

Emma let him lay down before she immediately went into his arms, laying her head on his chest. "Thank you for coming tonight.. And for staying. I needed it." She said softly.

Killian pressed a kiss to the crown of her head. "I'm always here for you, Emma. Even if all you need is a hug." He whispered. "I'll be here in the morning, go back to sleep.."

She yawned a little and easily fell back asleep in his arms. Killian waited until he was sure she was asleep before letting himself join her. When he woke the next morning, he had blonde hair in his face, and half of her body on top of his.

He missed waking up with Emma in his arms. Awake, Emma was never overly cuddly, but when she slept with him she always ended up as close as she could possibly get. He pressed a kiss to her head and untangled himself from her so he could go make them some breakfast.

He made the batter for pancakes, but decided to let Emma sleep for a bit longer, realizing how early it really was, so he started to tidy up her living room and kitchen. Once he'd made a few batches of the pancakes, a pot of coffee and some bacon he found in her fridge, he was about to go wake her up when she padded into the room, her glasses and what Killian knew to be one of his old sweatshirts, on.

"Morning, Love.. I made you breakfast as a thank you." Killian smiled softly.

Emma smiled at him and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Thank you, you didn't have to do that.. I honestly expected you to be gone. But, I'm not sure what you're thanking me for, I owe you the thank you."

"I wanted to thank you for letting me in. I'm not going anywhere, Swan. I'm always here for you. I know you had a rough day yesterday, and I'm not going to push you to tell me about it, but I want you to know I'm here. Always." He played with a stray curl of hers.

She nodded. "I.. I know that now. I've pushed you away a few times since you've been back, but you're still there when I need someone.. You even offered to sleep on that absolutely awful couch last night if I didn't want you with me."

"And I would have, Love. Your happiness is most important to me.. And I'll be honest, I've missed holding you in my arms while we sleep.." He shrugged. "Anyways, I made your favorite pancakes. Sit, and I'll get you a cup of coffee. Do you still take it the same way?"

She nodded. "Yeah, thanks, Jones." She smiled as she sat at the table, pulling out her phone to check for messages from work. She finally took a bite of the pancakes and practically moaned at the taste.

"Damn. I will never understand how you do it, Killian, these are delicious." Emma said as she shoved another bite into her mouth.

Killian chuckled softly, placing the cup of coffee in front of her. "If I told anyone my secret I'd be worthless." He sat next to her with his own plate. "I'm glad they're still as good as you remembered.. You still have all of the ingredients I needed."

"Killian, can I ask you something?" Emma asked after a moment.

"Aye, Love.. Anything."

She bit her lip. "Will you.. Um.. Will you.. Have dinner with me? Like um.. Like as a date?" She knew it wasn't like herself to be so nervous, but she was laying her heart out there for him again and it terrified her. But it also made her happy at the possibility she'll have her Killian back.

Killian took her hand in his. "I'd be honored to have dinner with you, Swan. As long as you allow me to plan the evening?" He gave her a smile.

Emma nodded and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I can plan a date, Killian." She frowned, "But, I'd like that.. I'm sorry I'm being so weird.."

He shook his head, and wrapped his arm around her. "It's alright, Love.. I understand that this is a big step in our new relationship.. But, I couldn't be happier to take you out for dinner. I've got a lot this week at work, some event I've got to go to, how about this weekend?"

She brushed her fingers through the hair that had fallen over his forehead. "That's fine.. I can do that.. Thank you for breakfast, and for staying last night.. I know I was kind of needy, but it means a lot that you stayed."

"You don't have to keep thanking me, Emma.. But, I could tell you had a rough day, Love.. That you probably had a new case that hit close to home, and I understand. I just wanted you to know you're not alone anymore." He trailed his stump over her thigh gently.

She took his stump in her hand. "It's all red and irritated.." She frowned. "Have you not been taking it off?"

Killian moved back into his chair. "Um, not like I used to.. I'm scared to teach without it on.." He admitted.

"Killian.. You need to let it breathe if it's bothering you.. That brace has always given you trouble.." She took a sip of her coffee.

He shook his head. "It doesn't matter, Swan.. My students don't want to look at this.. It's ugly, and it's fine.." He sighed.

When they were dating, Killian hated taking off his brace except when he was sleeping. It caused more than one argument between the two over the years. Emma couldn't care less about him missing a hand, but it was still a sore spot for Killian. Now, Emma was grateful he was being so open with her about it, but she knew those insecurities were still very present.

They quickly did the dishes, and Killian changed back into his clothes, leaving his brace off for the drive back to his house, finally getting more comfortable without it around Emma. She walked him to the door and stopped him before he could go.

"Wait.. Can I ask you something?" She asked nervously.

Killian stopped, and turned to her. "Of course, Swan.. Anything.."

Emma looked up at him nervously. "Can we keep this pretty quiet for now? I just.. I don't want to make it a big deal before you and I know what this really is."

Killian brushed his thumb over her cheek. "Aye, Love. I understand, this is big enough on its own. We'll keep it quiet until we're both ready to tell everyone about it."

She pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek. "Good."

Killian gave her a soft smile. "I'll see you soon, Swan." He said before he headed home.


	13. Chapter 13

Emma didn't hear from Killian much that week because they were both so busy with work. Whenever she would text him he was busy, and when he would text her she was busy, which frustrated her to no end, but she appreciated every text he managed to fit into his schedule

Emma didn't realize how much she'd come to rely on Killian to make her day, until she stopped talking with him on a daily basis. When the weekend rolled around, Emma couldn't wait to go to dinner with him.

She was nervous because it was like a first date, but she was also excited. She was finally trusting Killian again, and he'd done so much to prove to her that he wasn't giving up on her this time.

When she had lunch with Mary Margaret, her sister-in-law could tell that something was bothering her. Mary Margaret took Emma's hand across the table.

"Sweetie, are you alright? You've been awfully quiet, and you look kind of terrified of something." She asked gently.

Emma sighed softly. "I'm sorry, M.. I just.. I don't know if I should tell you. If I can talk about it.." She met her eyes.

She nodded. "You don't have to, but I'm around if you'd like to talk about it."

"I asked him not to tell anyone, but.. I need to talk to someone about this.." Emma took a deep breath. "I asked Killian to go on a date with me.. And it's tonight.."

"That's great, Emma. This is a good step for you.. Do you want me to help you get ready? Keep you from freaking out?" She squeezed her hand gently.

Emma nodded slightly. "I.. Yes? But you have to promise not to tell anyone about this, especially David.. Killian and I kind of want to keep this to ourselves for a while, until we're sure of where we're headed."

"Of course, Emma. I know I'm sometimes not the best secret keeper, but I know how important this is to you. I want your relationship with Killian to be influenced only by your own choices, no outside influences."

Emma gave her a small smile. "Thank you."

The rest of their lunch went by quickly and before she knew it, it was time to get ready for her date.

Emma fiddled with her dress as she looked in the mirror, Mary Margaret fixing her hair for her. "I'm not moving too fast, right, M&M?" She asked softly.

"Oh, Sweetheart.. I don't think so, I know you, and you wouldn't have asked him if you weren't ready for something like this." Mary Margaret assured her.

Emma bit her lip, sighing softly. "Yeah, you're right.. And.. I know it's probably stupid of me, but I just want my Killian again.. Not just my best friend, but my boyfriend." She admitted.

Mary Margaret turned her around, and placed her hands on her shoulders. "It's okay to miss him.. I always thought Killian was your true love, and I always hoped you'd find your way back together." She smiled softly.

"I've always watched the way he looks at you and he has that same look in his eye that David has when he looks at me. Now, and in the past. True love always finds each other, Emma."

Emma nodded a little. "I knew I'd never be as happy as I was with him.. Unless he came back to me. He stayed with me last weekend, without asking questions, and offered to sleep on my couch after we both fell asleep. You know how awful that couch is.."

She smiled a little. "I know. He's a good man, and he's good for you. Despite how he acted in the past. Plus, you look gorgeous, he's not going to know what hit him, Emma."

Emma smiled and grabbed her purse when she heard a knock on the door. She opened it and smiled a little when she saw him.

"Swan.. You look.." Killian breathed, taking in the light pink dress that was just sexy enough, but still covering enough for her to feel comfortable.

"I know." She smirked, a blush coloring her cheeks. "You don't look so bad yourself, Jones."

He held out a beautiful red rose. "For you, Love.." He smiled softly.

"Thank you, it's beautiful.. Let me just put it in water and we can go.." She turned to head to the kitchen, him following behind.

"I've got it, Emma. And I'll lock the apartment. You two go have fun, you deserve it." Mary Margaret said, already taking the rose from Emma's hand.

Emma turned back to Killian and smiled. "Alright, I guess we're ready now."

Killian drove them to a little Italian restaurant that he knew Emma would love. He asked about her week, and apologized for not being able to talk much that week. They settled into their seats at the table after ordering.

"This place is beautiful, Killian.. Thank you." Emma said softly.

"Of course, Swan.. I wanted to do something nice for you, since this is kind of like a first date, right?" He smiled softly at her.

"I think it is.. It's still nerve wracking, but I'm also really happy.. It's a big step for us, but I've missed this.. You being your charming self, in a way that's more than just as my friend.." She shrugged. "I'm probably not making any sense am I?"

"I get it, Love. I've missed this as well.. The possibility that you'll let me hold your hand, or wrap my arm around you when we take a walk. But I do want you to know that I'm willing to take this as slowly as you need to." He assured her.

Emma nodded. "I appreciate that, Killian.. It might be a while, but I want to get back to the way we once were.." She held onto his prosthetic that he had resting on the table. "You always make my day better, and I found myself really missing you this week."

Killian smiled a little. "I missed you too, Love.."

"Before you say anything else, I want to apologize for telling Mary Margaret about our date.. I just.. We had lunch today and I was kind of preoccupied, and.. I had to tell someone or I might not have made it here.." She admitted softly.

"Swan, it's completely fine. I understand that you needed to talk about it.. But, it was nice of Mary Margaret to help you get ready.."

"Oh, yeah.. She knew I was nervous, and wanted to make sure I was going to be okay once you picked me up." She shrugged.

"And.. You're not too nervous anymore, I hope? I'm just Killian.." He said softly.

She grinned at him. "I know you are, and I'm not too nervous anymore. Once you knocked on my door, I was just so happy to see you that my nerves kind of disappeared, you know?" Killian gave her a smile at her words.

After dinner, Killian took her for a walk by the river near the restaurant. She looped her arm through his and laid her head against his bicep as they walked. She loved listening to the sound of his voice as he told her a story.

Emma shivered slightly from the breeze, but didn't want to say anything to him and risk ruining the moment. Killian pressed a kiss to her hair.

"You're cold, Love.. Let's stop for a moment, and you take my coat." He slipped his leather jacket around her shoulders.

She blushed slightly, and slid her arms into the sleeves. "Is this the same one you've always worn?" She asked, nuzzling into its warmth and Killian's scent.

He laid his arm around her waist. "Aye.. It's the same one.. I don't think I could ever part with it, unless it was falling apart." Killian was a bit cold now, but he didn't care as long as Emma was warm and in his arms.

"It smells like you. I like that." She said softly. "You smell so good.. Like the sea, and that cologne.. And.. I don't know, it's always been soothing for me.."

Killian smiled softly. "I'm glad you like it.. Is that why you kept some of my shirts, even after I left?" He asked softly.

"Oh, um.. Yeah, it was, I guess.. I was pregnant, and just wanted my baby's father back, my boyfriend.." She said softly. "After I um.. After I lost the baby, I wore one of your sweaters for three days.. It made me feel like you were with me.. Even though you weren't." She took his hand.

He ran his thumb over her knuckles. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that alone." He sighed. "You're so strong, and I'm never leaving you alone again. I promise."

Emma squeezed his hand gently. "And I'm starting to believe you.. Thank you for dinner, and for taking me on a date.. I've had a lot of fun.." She smiled at him, looking up into his eyes.

Killian brushed the hair from her face. He wanted to kiss her more than anything, he couldn't stop looking at her lips as they stood there. Emma smirked at him when she realized he was staring at her lips.

"Are you going to kiss me or what, Jones?" She whispered.

Killian leaned down and pressed a kiss to her lips. He didn't know how it would feel to kiss her again, but he found it felt like coming home. He'd missed so much about her: her taste, her hands combing through her hair as they kissed.

Emma closed her eyes, reveling in the feel of him pressed against her, his prosthetic at the small of her back. When she pulled away, she could see it on his face that he was just as affected as she was.

"Love.. That was.." Killian breathed, resting his forehead against hers.

"Definitely not a one time thing." She teased, reminding him of the first time they kissed all those years ago now.

He pulled her closer to him and kissed her again briefly. "Aye.. It better not be, my love. Now that I've had you again, I don't think I can ever let you go."

She laid her head on his chest, enjoying being held by him. "Want to go home?" She asked after a few minutes.

"Aye, my place or yours?"

"Um.. Yours? It's closer right?"

"Aye.. It's not too far from here.." Killian took her back to his car and drove them to his house.

Emma kicked off her shoes and followed him to the kitchen where he was starting a pot of coffee for them. She watched him with a small smile.

"Would you like to change? You can borrow a shirt and some pants or whatever you want.." Killian said. "You know where everything is."

Emma nodded and went to change. When she came back, she had on a pair of his boxers and one of his old t-shirts. Killian placed a cup of coffee in front of her, just how she likes it.

"Thank you for the clothes.. I know you like how I look in that dress, but it's not the most comfortable piece of clothing I own.." She sighed.

"While that dress is very sexy on you.. I think you're sexy no matter what clothes you're wearing. And you look so much more comfortable now, I know you don't love dressing up. But I'm honored you dressed up for me." He kissed her cheek and sat next to her.

She blushed at him. "Such a charmer, Jones. Can we go sit on the couch?" She really wanted to curl up with him.

"Aye, Love.. Of course." He settled onto the couch and she settled into his arms with her coffee. "Are you warm enough, Swan?"

She hummed softly and nuzzled further into his arms. "Yeah, you're nice and warm. I like it." She smiled. "Do you want to take your brace off?" She asked softly.

She knew her question was a sore spot, but she wanted him to be comfortable as well.

He sighed, a little frustrated. He knew his stump was going to be red and Emma would worry about him again, which annoyed him, but he wanted to take it off.

"Aye.. I do." He admitted softly, and before he could move to take it off, Emma had already set her cup down and slipped the brace off for him.

She started massaging his forearm with her thumbs. "It looks better today.." She said softly. "Do you want me to get your lotion?"

"It's alright, Love.. Thank you for taking it off for me, it does feel much better." He admitted.

Emma gave him a small smile and leaned in to press a kiss to his lips. "Good." She settled back against his chest, pulling his arm around her waist.

They talked for awhile, just content to sit there with each other. It may have been a first date, but even after years apart they still knew each other better than anyone. When Emma fell asleep Killian carried her up to his bed, crawling in with her when she asked him to stay.


	14. Chapter 14

Both Emma and Killian knew that starting their relationship again wasn't always going to be easy. They fought over stupid things, like Killian wearing his prosthetic or Emma leaving her dirty dishes in the sink.

One day Killian called Emma after his last class. "Hello, Love." He smiled.

"Hey, Babe.. Now's not the best time for me, can we talk later?" She asked nervously.

"Aye, Love.. We'll talk later. I miss you, ." He sighed.

"Oh, um.. I mean, I miss you too, but.. Aren't we moving too fast? I just.." Emma sighed softly. She was scared, and instead of talking to him about what was on her mind, she was pushing him away.

"It's alright, Swan.. I just want to see my girlfriend."

"Yeah, I'll.. I'll call you later tonight. Bye, Killian." She said softly before she hung up.

Killian sighed, he knew something had spooked Emma, but he hadn't wanted to fight with her over the phone. He was supposed to be making her dinner, and now she didn't even want to talk to him on the phone. He knew the only way to fix this was face to face.

Emma set her phone on her kitchen counter, she felt guilty for being so distant with him. Killian loved her, and she knew that, but she still couldn't let him in again completely. She'd been all but ignoring him all week, and she did want to spend time with him, but she was still scared.

As she sat on the couch later, absently watching TV, she could hear her phone ringing, and then the sound of messages. She knew that it was Killian, and rationally, she knew that if she just told him the truth he would understand, but she couldn't.

After a couple of hours of messages, she heard a knock at her front door. Emma took a deep breath and went to answer it, pulling nervously at the hem of her shirt. When she opened the door, she could see the relief flood Killian's face.

"Swan.." He reached toward her.

She stepped away from his hand but still let him into the apartment. "What do you want, Killian?" She asked softly. She'd forgotten about their plans for dinner when she'd pushed him away that afternoon.

"We had plans for dinner tonight.." He said softly. "And when I texted you about what you'd like to eat, you didn't respond.. And I was worried, and I don't want you to push me away again. Last time you went hours without responding, you were here beating yourself up about losing the baby.." He sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "I'm sorry, I was just worried.. And I hoped you'd still want dinner?"

Emma turned and looked at him, sighing softly. "I'm sorry.. I forgot about dinner.. And, I just wanted space. I didn't mean to worry you." She apologized.

Killian shook his head. "It's quite alright, Love. Did I do something to upset you? You haven't wanted to talk much this week.."

"It's not you, Killian. I'm just shitty at relationships." She said softly. "You've been so good, and you've done nothing, but I'm still scared you're going to leave me again.. And I wanted space.."

Killian frowned. "Swan, I know you have a tendency to run from your feelings. But you should have just told me. I was worried I'd lost you.. Do you not trust me?" He asked softly.

Killian couldn't explain it, but for some reason he seemed to think the worst whenever Emma didn't respond. He loved her more than anything and was terrified that he was going to lose her.

She bit her lip. "Killian.. I.. It's not that I don't trust you.. I just.. I don't know what to do, okay? I've obviously forgiven you, and it's only been a couple of months.. But, I'm happy, and I'm scared! I can't lose this again, my heart can't take being broken again.."

"Oh, Love.. It's okay to be scared, you have every right to be. I'm scared of how much you mean to me, Emma.. But, I just want you to be able to lean on me, talk to me. I'm your boyfriend, aren't I? And I know you're scared I'm going to leave, that I'm going to hurt you again." Killian ran his fingers through his hair.

"Maybe that's what scared me, Killian! Did you ever think about that?" She snapped.

They had never really discussed what their relationship truly was, but he kept referring to her as his girlfriend and him her boyfriend.

"You never asked what we were, you just.. Assumed." Her voice lowered as she lifted her eyes back to meet his.

"Swan, Love.. I'm so sorry." He shook his head, finally understanding what had spooked her. "I should have talked to you about what our relationship was.. I know we talked about it a little, but I guess I've never actually called you my girlfriend. I suppose I just hoped you felt as I did."

Standing in her living room with him, she saw how stupid she was being. He looked truly sorry for how he acted, and she knew he just did it because he really did care about her. She didn't answer anyone for just a couple of hours and he showed up to make sure everything was okay. Before he could say anything else, she wrapped her arms around him.

"I'm so sorry." She whispered. "I was dumb.. Of course you're my boyfriend, I overreacted."

Killian wrapped her in his arms, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "It's okay, Love.. It's really my fault, I know I shouldn't have just showed up here.. But, I had to be sure that nothing happened to you." He admitted. "You can tell me to leave if you don't want me here."

She stood on her toes and pressed a kiss to his lips. "Do you want to stay with me?"

"I'd love to stay, Swan.." He smiled, and led her to the couch.

Emma settled back against his chest contently. This was the first time Emma had tried to push him away and ended in an argument for them in the couple of months they had been officially dating again.

"I'm still scared, Killian.. I know it's stupid, and you keep proving to me that you're not going anywhere, but I'm still scared." Emma sighed.

"It's alright, Love.. I know it'll take time, and your fears aren't easily erased. The way I treated you isn't something that is easily forgotten. You're allowed to be scared, but I just want you to know you can talk to me about your fears.. I want you to be honest with me, and try not to just bottle it up."

She nodded a little. "I know.. It's a habit I've always had.. It took me a long time to be honest with you when we first met.. I'm sorry we didn't get to have that dinner tonight, I know you were excited about it."

"It doesn't matter, Emma.. We'll have plenty more chances for that to happen. But, did you eat tonight?"

Emma shook her head. "No.. I haven't had anything since lunch." She admitted.

"Then I'm going to remedy that.. I can whip something up for you, or we can order some takeout?" He brushed his fingers through her hair gently.

"I'm comfy, don't move.. Let's just order takeout." She smiled a little, enjoying the feel of his fingers in her hair. "Do you want anything?"

He nodded. "Just order me something, Love. Pick out whatever you want, okay? It's my treat." He pressed a kiss to her hair.

She called and ordered their food before settling further into Killian's arms. "I'm sorry finally hearing you call me your girlfriend kind of freaked me out, but I am happy to be yours now." She pulled his arms tighter around her. "Anyway.. Are you excited to be going to visit Liam soon?" She asked softly.

"Aye, of course.. But I also don't want to leave you, even if it's just a week." Killian frowned slightly. "I'm really going to miss you."

"Me too, but you deserve to spend time with your family, Killian. I don't want you to feel guilty about that. It's getting close to the holidays, and it's Cassie's birthday. I want you to go, I'm not trying to be selfish because of my own insecurities."

"You could always come with me, Love.." He said softly. "I mean, if you want to." He scratched behind his ear, a nervous gesture he's had since he was a child.

Emma looked up at him, unsure of what to say. "You don't want me there, I'll be fine for a week, Killian." She shook her head.

"What if I do want you there, Emma?" Killian asked sincerely. "Why wouldn't I? You're my girlfriend, and the love of my life.. I always want you with me." He admitted, brushing her hair behind her ear. "But I don't want you to feel pressured to come with me."

She nodded a little, closing her eyes for a moment. "I.. I don't know, Killian. I mean, I know you're going to come home to me, but.. I.. I also want to go, and to spend time with you.. We never got to go before.." She sighed. "Can I have a couple of days to think about it?" She asked softly.

"Aye, Swan. Of course, you've got time.. I just want you to know you're invited, and even if you decide not to come, we can facetime and talk as much as you want. It's just a visit, I swear to you. I'll be back, I promise." He wanted to assure her that he was hers for good.

She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly. "Thank you for inviting me.. That means a lot, it's your time with your family, and you didn't have to ask me to come with you." She kissed his cheek.

He held her close, kissing her temple. "You're as important to me as my family is.. I love you, Emma.."

She just buried her face in his neck, not ready to say it back again, even if she knows she loves him too. They stayed like that until their food was delivered. Killian paid for it and they ate, sitting on her couch, some movie playing in the background of their conversation.

Emma fell asleep that night curled up in Killian's arms. She could feel how much he loved her, and slept easily knowing he wasn't going to leave her.


	15. Chapter 15

**Sorry this is so late, school got the better of me this semester and I forgot to update. Thank you for reading and reviewing, I hope you like this chapter!**

A couple days later, Emma was sitting at the kitchen island in her brother's house. Mary Margaret was making dinner, and David was sitting next to her playing with his son.

"So he asked you to go to England with him?" David asked.

"Yeah, and it's not that I don't want to, because I do.. It's just.. That's a big step right? Flying to a different country to visit his family.." Emma asked, she needed to talk about this with someone before she made her decision.

"Emma, do I need to remind you that you were once married to him? If you want to go, you should. If he didn't want you to go, he never would've invited you." Mary Margaret told her seriously.

"I just.. It's scary, if I go I feel like it's a lot, but if I don't go I know I'm going to miss him alot and my fears will come crawling back up.. We just got back into a pretty good place. And I just don't know what to do, M&M.." She sighed.

David put his hand on her shoulder. "Em, I know you.. And I know you're only asking us because you want us to talk you out of going. But, I'm not going to. As mad as I was at him for leaving you, I would be an idiot if I couldn't tell how happy Killian makes you now."

Mary Margaret smiled at her husband. "Your brother's right, Sweetie. Just go, we'll have you both over for the holidays when you get back. It'll be fun, and you've always wanted to go see where Killian's from."

Emma sighed in defeat. "Fine, you're right. I do really want to go.. Taking off work will be worth it, I'll make sure Ruby checks on my kids.. I should call him, um.. Do you mind?" She asked nervously.

"Of course not, Emma. Go talk to your boyfriend, we'll get you if dinner is ready before you're done." Mary Margaret assured her with a gentle smile.

Emma smiled a little and went to sit on the back porch. It was clear that both Mary Margaret and David were giving her their blessing over this thing with Killian. She dialed Killian's number and waited nervously for him to answer, her leg bouncing up and down quickly.

"Hello, my love.. It's good to hear from you." Killian said, a smile evident in his voice.

"Hi, Babe.. How's your day been?"

"It's been alright, Swan.. Is everything okay, aren't you with Dave and Mary Margaret for dinner?" He asked.

"Oh, yeah.. Everything's fine, Killian.. I'm at dinner, it's not ready yet.. But, I just wanted to call and tell you I decided about going with you to visit your brother.." She knew he was going to be happy.

"Aye, and what is that, Love?" His voice was hopeful, he really wanted her to come with him.

"I want to go, Killian.. I want to spend the week with you, where you grew up.. And, I don't want to be away from you for too long." She admitted. "I know it's soon, and I know it's a big step for us but.. I want to.."

"I want you there, Love.. I don't care if it's soon.. It's brilliant, Swan. I'm really happy you decided you wanted to join me. I promise it'll be fun, and I can show you around England a bit.. Take you into the city and be tourists if that's what you want.." Killian was so happy, and the happiness in his voice made Emma happy too.

She smiled. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you in person, I just didn't want to wait.. I didn't want you brooding over my decision for longer than necessary.."

"I appreciate that, Love.. Can I see you tomorrow? Maybe we could get lunch at the diner?" He asked hopefully.

"I'd like that, Killian.. I'll see you tomorrow.."

"I love you, Swan." He said softly, and as he hung up he thought he heard her mumble that she loves him too.

Emma went back inside, much happier than she was before. David smiled a little at his sister.

"It went well I take it?" He asked.

She nodded. "Yeah, it did. But I may have told him I love him.." She admitted, sitting at the table with them.

"Is that so bad? You do love him, and he makes you happy. And you're going to England with him, Sweetie. I think it's a good thing." Mary Margaret assured her.

Emma sighed softly. "Yeah, I guess you're right. I mean, I do love him.." She shrugged. "I always have." She added softly.

The next day at lunch, Killian kept trying to ask her about what she'd said to him the night before, but he didn't want to push her to say it if she wasn't ready.

Emma rubbed his thigh gently. "What's wrong, Babe? You've been weird since we sat down.." She frowned, trying to get him to look her in the eyes.

Killian looked down at her and kissed her forehead. "I'm fine, Swan, I promise. I just.. I think I heard you say something as we hung up last night, and it's killing me not knowing if you really said it." He admitted softly.

She reached up and cupped his cheek in her hand. "Well, Killian.. I think you heard correctly.." She gave him a small smile. "I love you, Killian.." She whispered before lightly pressing her lips to his.

Killian's hand came to cup the back of her head. "Bloody hell.. I love you too, Swan." He kissed her softly. "You're bloody perfect."

Emma blushed slightly, settling back with his arm around her. "I'm not perfect, Killian.. It kind of slipped out last night, and I'm sorry for making you think about the possibility of what I said all night.."

Killian shook his head. "It's fine, Love.. I'm just happy you still love me, or love me again.. Whatever it is.. I love you more than anything, Swan. You're my entire world. And I know that's a lot, but I want to be honest about how I feel."

"I know, and even if I'm not necessarily at that point again, I know.. And I'm happy that I have you." She smiled.

"I'm lucky to have you, Emma Swan. You're gorgeous, smart, funny, kind.. Overall bloody brilliant. Thank you for being my girlfriend." He kissed her cheek, and tightened his arm around her waist.

Emma blushed, and leaned into his shoulder. "I'm not that great, and I'm lucky you chose me.. You could have had literally any girl.. You could've even found someone better than me after we broke up and got the divorce.. But you didn't, and I'll never understand that."

Killian shook his head. "My heart belongs to you, Emma. It has since the day we met, and always will, Love."

She buried her face against his shirt for a moment. "Am I really going to England with you?" She leaned back and met his eyes.

Killian brushed her hair from her forehead, and smiled gently at her. "Aye, Love.. But only if you'd still like to, I don't want you to feel as if I pressured you into it.."

She nodded. "I know.. You didn't pressure me, I wanted to go.. It's just kind of surreal I guess.. When we were married, we never went.. But now we're going.." She shrugged. "I'm excited though.."

"I am as well, Swan.. It'll be nice.. I lived with Liam and Elsa for a while, but since I'd lived here with you, nothing felt like home anymore." He admitted, taking her hand in his good one.

She squeezed his hand gently. "Well, I hope we can make some good memories. I've never been, and I get to go with you, to visit Liam and Elsa and their kids.. I bet it'll be a good trip."

With all of her confessions out of the way, Emma was finally able to enjoy the rest of her lunch with Killian. She was starting to see that her fears about telling Killian she loved him had no basis.

Killian spent the lunch trying to make Emma smile, wanting to take her mind off of everything. After he paid for their food, he walked her to her car.

"Thank you for meeting me today, my love." He pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I'll see you soon, aye? Maybe you'd like to come over tonight?" He scratched behind his ear nervously.

She grinned at him, pressing up on her toes to kiss him. "I'd love to, Killian. I'll um, stop by my place after work and then I'll be over?"

He nodded, holding her close to him. "Aye, I have class until quarter 'til five, so you don't have to rush, Love."

She hugged him tightly. "Good. I love you, Killian.. I'll see you later."

"I love you too, Swan. Have a lovely rest of the day at work." He helped her into the car, and waited until she drove away before getting into his own car and heading back to work.


	16. Chapter 16

A month later, Emma was in England, sitting in the kitchen with Elsa while Liam and Killian played with the twins in the living room. Elsa rubbed Cassie's back gently as she fell asleep in her arms.

"You and Killian seem to be doing really well, Emma.. I'm happy for you." She smiled.

Emma shrugged. "We truly are.. He's been amazing lately.. Like everything I forgot, about why I loved him, came rushing back, and I think I love him more now than I ever did.." She admitted.

"Killian adores you.. Do you think the two of you will ever get married again?" Elsa asked softly.

Emma bit her lip, looking through the doorway at her boyfriend. "I don't know.. We've only been dating again for five months.. But, it might happen one day. I just don't think we're ready for that quite yet.."

Elsa nodded. "Oh, of course.. Even if you don't want to get married again, I know Killian isn't going anywhere if he can help it."

Emma smiled a little. "Yeah, it's getting easier for me to really believe that.. I mean, he invited me here with him, he didn't have to do that.. This was his time with his family.."

"You're his family too, Emma. When we first talked about him coming for a visit, he mentioned how he didn't want to leave you behind.. He and Liam talked about it for a while, Liam encouraged him to bring you. Or at least ask if you wanted to come. He wasn't going to let his brother make the same mistake he made years ago because of him.."

"Liam invited me?" She asked softly.

Elsa smiled softly. "Of course, Liam cares for you. Did Killian tell you what happened when Liam woke up after the accident?" She asked.

Emma shook her head. "Not really.. Just that it was practically a medical miracle.."

"Well, once Liam had woken up and everything was checked, he started asking about what he missed. He asked Killian about you, he wanted to know why Killian was here alone.. And I believe that if he hadn't been weak after not getting out of bed for more than a year, he would've hit Killian."

"Why would he have hit him? They're brothers.." Emma was confused, no one had ever truly fought for her, or stuck up for her. "I don't get it."

Killian and Liam had heard what Elsa said as they made their way towards the kitchen, and Killian spoke up first.

"He would have hit me because even he knew I was a bloody idiot for ever giving you up." Killian said softly, moving to sit next to her.

"Because I wasn't worth it, Emma. If I had been awake, I would have forced him to go back to you, or to bring you to him. If he had been in my place and I in his, he would have forced me to Elsa.. He was an idiot, and I wanted him to know it." Liam shrugged.

Emma looked from Killian to Liam. "You really care about me? Killian is your brother, Liam.. I'm just some girl."

Liam shook his head. "You've never been 'just some girl,' Lass. Since the first time Killian introduced me to you, I've seen you like a little sister. You had become a part of our family too.. You're also the best thing that has ever happened to my little brother here."

Killian rolled his eyes. "Younger brother. But he is right, Love. You're absolutely the best thing that has ever happened to me, I just let my tunnel vision push you from my life. It took me a while, but I came back to you, and I'm never letting you go again." He smiled softly, leaning in to press a kiss to her lips.

Emma kissed him briefly, and nodded. "Well, thank you for sticking up for me, Liam. Even if it did take him a lot longer to get back to me." She said, nuzzling into Killian's chest, pulling his arm tighter around her waist.

Liam smiled and took Cassie from Elsa's arms. "Of course, Lass. I'd do it again if I had to." He assured her before taking his baby girl to her crib so she could nap.

Elsa smiled at Killian and Emma as she moved to start on dinner. "Killian, where are Finn and Alex?"

"The lovely lads are engrossed in a film in the living room, half asleep on the couch." Killian smiled, kissing the top of Emma's head.

"Oh, good. They need a nap.. You two go relax a little, you deserve to spend some time alone. Take a walk maybe, it's chilly, but a beautiful day."

Emma stood up and offered him her hand. "Let's take a walk, Babe? I know you said you and Liam lived around here when you were younger. I want to see more.."

Killian smiled and took her hand. "I'd love to, Swan." He made sure she was properly bundled for the weather before they left. He squeezed her hand as they walked. "I'm enjoying having you here with me, Love.. Thank you for coming."

Emma smiled a little, leaning into him. "I'm glad I decided to come, Killian. It's beautiful here, and your family has been so amazing.. And I get to spend time with you.." She looked up at him with a small smile.

"Can I ask you something?" She asked softly after a while.

"You can always ask me anything, Love.. What's up?" He asked softly.

"Um.. Have you ever thought about our future? If you wanted to get married again, or live together.. Get a pet, or have kids?" She asked nervously, biting her lip.

"I think about a future with you often, Swan.. I want any and all of that, if it's what you want. I'm content to just be your boyfriend, as long as you're in my life.." Killian spoke softly, not wanting to scare her.

She nodded a little, thinking about his admission. "But, one day, being married again is something you want?"

"Aye, I suppose so, but it's not a deal breaker, Love. I do hope one day we'll at least live together though.. As it is we spend a lot of nights in each other's apartments.. I love getting to hold you while we sleep." He squeezed her hand gently.

Emma smiled a little and kissed his cheek. "Maybe we'll get to live together soon." She whispered. "I don't know if I want to get married again, but it's not out of the realm of possibility for me."

Killian nodded and showed her around for a bit. Since it wasn't too cold that day, they decided to sit in the park down the street from Liam's for a little while. Killian pulled Emma close into his side.

"What made you ask if I wanted to ever get married again?" Killian asked softly after a while.

"Elsa just asked me earlier if it's something we'd talked about, and I realized I really didn't know the answer.. If I know anything, it's that I want you in my life.. But I don't know about getting married, or even having kids or a pet.. But I think one day we'll be there.. I just want more time to get to know you again." She looked up at him.

He kissed her temple. "I understand. We've only been back together for five months, we don't have to rush into anything, Swan. We're taking this one step at a time.."

The rest of their trip was better than either of them imagined it would be. Emma enjoyed spending time with Liam and Elsa, and getting to know their kids. She was so happy she decided to come with him, she never would've let herself be happy if she hadn't come. Killian fell more and more in love with Emma each day they were there, sure he would never love anyone more than he loved her.


	17. Chapter 17

A few months later, Emma was sitting on Killian's couch, with his head on her lap, stroking her fingers through his hair gently as they watched a movie. Killian was starting to fall asleep to the soothing movement of her fingers in his hair.

"Killian?" She asked softly.

"Yes, Love?" He shifted, turning his head up so he could see her.

"Move in with me?" She spoke softly, but suddenly.

Killian sat up, a confused look on his face. "Swan.. What?" He breathed.

"Move in with me, Killian.. I mean, it's something we could do, right?" She bit her lip, nervously. She was worried he'd tell her no, after she'd worried over it for weeks.

Killian shook his head slightly, cupping her cheek in his hand. "I.. Emma, are you certain, Love? Don't do this because you think it's what I want.."

"Killian.. No, I want this.. I spend most nights here with you, and when I can't, you always come to me.. And.. I just want to know that I'll always have you to come home to." She admitted. "And we talked about it before, the lease for my apartment is up next month, and I'd rather live with you now, than stay in that same old apartment we found years ago, alone."

Killian pulled her into a kiss. "I'd love to move in with you.. Do you want to live here, or find somewhere new?" He asked, tracing his thumb along her cheek bone, a big smile on his face.

Emma nodded, and smiled a little. "I mean, yeah, this house is perfect, Killian.. But if you wanted to live somewhere else, that's fine.."

He shook his head and kissed her nose. "No, Love. Here is perfect.. When I bought this house last year, I felt a connection to you. It's just like the house we always talked about buying together."

She smiled, and covered his hand with hers. "I know, it's a gorgeous house, Killian. And I'd love to live here with you.. To spend every night in your arms.. I love you more than anything." She leaned in and kissed him again.

With the help of their friends and Emma's brother, they had managed to move Emma's stuff into the house in over the last few weeks of Emma's lease. After each of them got off work they would spend time moving boxes, and selling furniture. Emma was going to miss her apartment, it was the place where she and Killian had first admitted they loved each other. It was where she lost their baby, and where she admitted to herself she loved Killian, both times.

The last night she had the apartment, she and Killian were cleaning the empty rooms. She had stopped in the middle of the room, lost in her thoughts when Killian came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Love.. Is everything alright?" He spoke softly, as not to spook her.

She nodded, leaning back against his chest. "Yeah, just thinking.. I'm gonna miss this place." She sighed.

"Aye, you've lived through a lot in this apartment.. It's okay to miss it." He stroked his thumb gently against her hip.

"I mean, I'm happy I get to live with you.. But I lost our baby here, and you told me you loved me here. There's a lot of memories.." She turned so she could lay her head on his chest.

His arms tightened around her as he kissed the top of her head. "I know, Love.. But we'll make new memories in the house.. Happier memories."

She nodded. "Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry I'm being so ridiculous about this. You know I'm not good with change."

Killian shook his head. "Don't apologize.. This is big for you, for us.. It's okay to be nervous, hell I'm nervous too.."

She shook her head. "What do you have to be nervous about?"

"The last time we lived together, I ruined everything, Emma. I just want to make you happy, for you to feel safe.. I'd do anything to make that happen for you." He spoke softly. "I'm nervous you'll get annoyed with me."

Emma pressed a kiss to his lips to quiet him. "Hey, I am very happy, and you do make me feel safe. I want to be with you, despite my nerves. Living together will take some getting used to, but I wouldn't have asked if I didn't think it was worth it."

"Aye, I love you, Emma." He kissed her softly.

She kissed him back. "I love you too.. Now, take me home.. I'll come leave the keys with the landlord in the morning.."

The first night after Emma returned her keys they had David, Mary Margaret, Ruby and Dorothy over for dinner.

Ruby pulled Emma into a tight hug when she answered the door. "Emma, I'm so happy for you! You and Killian are so good together, and I'm glad you're happy. I'm a little hurt you didn't tell me when you first got together, but I can't help but be happy for you now." She smiled.

Emma hugged her friend back. "Thank you, Rubes.. Killian and I are happy, it's been nice having him around again. We wanted to keep it to ourselves for a bit, to get used to being together again.. You've known for a while now..." She shrugged.

"He's a good guy, and I think he's good for you. Now, I can see why you were so weary of men when we met, but look at you. You've got your true love back, and you're smiling more than I've ever seen you smile."

Emma looked out the window at Killian, where he was grilling with David. "Yeah, I'm happy.. He's been so amazing, I know I don't say it enough, but thank you.. Thank you for bringing him back into my life, and convincing me he was worth the time.."

"Of course, you're my best friend. I just wanted you to be happy, and even if it wasn't with Killian, you never would have been happy without closure." She shrugged.

She nodded a little. "I guess so.. There are some drinks in the kitchen, and dinner will be ready soon.. Killian and David are out back grilling the meat now.."

Ruby went in search of a drink, and Emma moved to the living room where Mary Margaret was sitting with Leo playing on the floor.

"This house Killian picked out really is beautiful.. It reminds me of the one Ruth used to live in, which I know you loved.." Mary Margaret said as Emma sat down next to her.

She laid her head on her shoulder. "Yeah, I guess it does.. I did love that house Mom used to have.. Killian actually picked this house because he said it reminded him of the houses we used to talk about years ago.."

She smiled. "That's actually really sweet.."

Leo toddled over to them and reached his arms out to Emma. "Em!" He grinned.

Emma pulled him into her arms and kissed his little cheek. "My favorite little man." She smiled, cuddling him close to her.

Ruby and Dorothy came to sit with them, Ruby noticing Emma with her nephew. She knew Killian wanted kids, and that Emma was skeptical, but seeing her with her nephew made Ruby realize it was something they both really wanted, even if Emma didn't recognize it yet.

Killian and David came back inside a couple minutes later, announcing that it was time to eat. They all settled around the table, and Emma kissed Killian's cheek.

"Thank you for this.. It's nice to have dinner with my boyfriend and our friends, in our house." She smiled.

Killian nodded and pulled out her seat for her. "Of course, Love." He sat next to her, and addressed their friends. "Thank you for helping us get everything moved, and for coming to dinner.. It means a lot to Emma and I that you're here with us."

"We were glad to help.. We're really happy for you both, Killian." Mary Margaret smiled.

Killian blushed a little, he wasn't used to a lot of people being willing to help him. Emma rubbed her hand against his thigh gently. They ate dinner, all of them talking and laughing about everything. Emma finally felt comfortable with Killian and her friends again.

Emma was never the kind of girl who liked to be overly touchy with her boyfriend in front of all her friends. But now, with Killian, sitting in their home with the people she considered family, there was no place she'd rather be than in Killian's arms.

Killian wrapped his arm around Emma's waist, pulling her close into his side. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head, and she wrapped her arms around him. "My love, thank you for this. For loving me, wanting to move in with me."

She smiled a little. "Thank you for proving to me that you're not going anywhere. I love you, Jones.. This is a big step for us and I couldn't be happier."

They spoke softly as their friends watched them. David was the first to speak up, picking up Leo from where he was playing.

"We should get going, get this little one to sleep, and give you two time alone.." He said, looking at his sister.

Emma snapped out of the bubble she had been in with Killian. "Oh, yeah. Thank you for helping, David.." She moved to hug her brother. "Good night, Leo.. I love you." She said softly, kissing his cheek.

David kissed Emma's forehead. "Of course.. Let us know if you need anything."

Emma nodded and hugged Mary Margaret. Ruby came and hugged her before she left with Dorothy.

"Let yourself be happy now, Emma. Don't let anything hold you back from what you really want, because I'd bet Killian wants whatever it is too." Ruby told Emma.

Emma raised her eyebrow in confusion, but nodded. "Um, I'll try, Rubes. Thanks for everything, we'll have to have a girl's night soon." She smiled.

Ruby nodded and left with her girlfriend. Killian wrapped his arms around Emma's waist from behind as she locked the front door.

He pressed a kiss to her shoulder. "I'm so happy we're living together.. It'll be nice knowing I'll always get to come home to you."

Emma smiled and turned in his arms. "Yeah, me too.. I don't mind living on my own, but I've missed the certainty of waking up in your arms." She wrapped her arms around his neck.

She couldn't help but look into his eyes, seeing all the love and happiness in the blue depths. He just watched her for a moment, taking in the moment.

Killian kissed her deeply, pulling her into him. "I love you, Emma." He whispered.

She blushed a little, and stood up on her toes. "I love you too, Jones. Take me to bed?" She smirked.

He grinned and lifted her up so her legs could wrap around his waist. "It would be my pleasure, Love." He kissed her again before he moved to the stairs and up to their room.


	18. Chapter 18

It took them a bit to get used to living together again, they had their arguments but they were both happy. She would leave her dirty dishes lying around, or Killian wouldn't hang up his wet towels, but they were finally happy.

For weeks, Emma kept thinking about what Ruby told her, to let herself be happy. She knew that she needed to talk to Killian about it, tell him her fears but also her wants. Emma finally understood what Ruby was telling her at dinner, she saw Emma with Leo and could see something Emma hadn't even admitted to herself yet.

She wanted to have a family, with Killian, but she was scared. She was scared she would lose the baby again, or that she'd be an awful mother.

Now, she was sitting on their back porch looking out at the water behind their house, curled up in her favorite blanket. Killian had to teach a late class for another professor so she was alone with her thoughts.

Emma had zoned out, not hearing the back door open as Killian came out to find her. He knelt next to her, placing his hand on her shoulder gently, trying not to scare her.

"Swan.." He said softly.

She shook her head slightly, shaking herself out of her thoughts when she heard his voice. "Oh… Hey.." She smiled a little, leaning over to kiss his cheek.

"Is everything okay, Love?" He moved to sit on the bench next to her.

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine.." Emma shifted so she could lean against him. "How was work?"

Killian kissed the top of her head. "It was good, Love.. Did you eat dinner already?"

She shook her head. "No, I've just been sitting out here thinking and I guess I lost track of time. I kind of want to talk to you.."

"Well, I picked up dinner on my way home, I figured you wouldn't have eaten.. Do you want to go in and we can talk while we eat?" He asked softly, running his fingers through her hair gently.

"Um.." Before she could finish her stomach growled and she smiled a little. "Yeah, I guess so.."

Killian chuckled and led her inside. They worked together to get plates of food and sat at the table. He let Emma take the lead on where she wanted the conversation to go since she said she wanted to talk to him.

Emma took a breath and turned to him. "I wanted to talk to you about um.. About our future?"

He rested his prosthetic on her thigh reassuringly. "Okay, what about it, Love? You don't want to break up with me right?"

She shook her head quickly. "No, no.. Nothing like that, Killian. I don't want you going anywhere." She bit her lip. "I was just thinking about.. About us having a family some day.. And I wanted to know where you stood on that front.." She admitted.

"Oh, Emma.." He brushed her hair from her face. "I would love to have a family with you, Swan. But I don't want you to feel like you have to want a family with me if you really don't, Love,, I'm not going anywhere, whether we have a family or not." He assured her.

She took his hand in hers. "That's not it, Killian.. I.. I think I do want a family.. But I'm scared.. I'm scared of losing another child.. Of not being a good mother.." She frowned. "I just, I don't know, and I guess I thought we needed to talk about it." She sighed.

Killian squeezed her hand gently. "I know it's scary, especially after having already lost a child.. But I think you'd be a wonderful mother, Emma. You're so good with your kids at work, I don't think you'd be any different if it was a child of your own."

"But what if I'm just not meant to be a mom? And that's why I lost our baby before.." She looked away from him. "I just don't know, Killian.. I want to give you everything you want, and I want it too, but I'm worried my fears are too much.."

"If it won't make you happy as well, I don't want it. You're all I need in my life, Swan. We could always adopt if you want.. You and I both know that there are plenty of kids who need good homes.."

She nodded a little, looking back up at him. "You've thought about adopting?"

Killian saw a light flicker in her eyes when he nodded. "Aye, I know what it's like in the system.. And I know it's always been something you've thought about, Swan.. Adopting an older child who is usually overlooked, because you don't want any of them to feel like you did.."

She wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. "I didn't know you knew about that.. I mean, I know I was eventually adopted by Ruth, and was lucky enough to go to college, but.. I was seventeen when she adopted me, I spent seventeen years getting overlooked, and if I can, I want to be that person like Ruth was for me.."

Killian rubbed her back, holding her close. "Aye, well, when we're ready I want to look into adopting. And if we have a child of our own one day, just as well. I'll be ecstatic."

Emma kissed him softly. "Thank you for talking to me about this.. It's just been on my mind a lot since we went to visit your brother.. Seeing you with Cassie, and with Leo.. I knew you'd love to be a dad, and I just.. I thought you should know how I feel.. I'm trying to be better about that."

"I understand.. I've thought about it as well, but I knew you'd talk to me in your own time.. You usually do." He shrugged.

Killian was glad to be on the same page as she is about their future, they had come a long way with talking and being honest with each other. Emma settled into his embrace, and he kissed the top of her head.

"I'm not sure when, I just wanted you to know it's something I've been thinking about." She added.

"Whenever you're ready is when we'll start our family, alright, Love?" He assured her softly, and felt her nod against him.

Killian was grateful that Emma felt comfortable enough to talk to him about what she wanted, and to bring up her fears instead of getting in her head and pushing him away. He knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life making her happy, no matter what it took.

Killian played with her hair gently as they watched a movie that night, his mind more focused on conjuring images of Emma with their child than the actual movie. He ran his hand over her legs that were draped over his lap, finally feeling Emma relax against him contently.

She looked up at him with a small smile, she was just as distracted as he was, but she couldn't be happier than to be in his arms tonight. She thought about what it'd be like to spend an evening like this with a family, their children.

Emma was starting to picture a little girl with her father's bright blue eyes, and her blonde curls, or a little boy who was the spitting image of his father. She could see Killian cuddled up with their child, singing softly to them as they fell asleep on his chest.


	19. Chapter 19

It was their second anniversary before they knew it, and Killian had planned to take Emma out for a nice dinner, just the two of them. They had their arguments, Emma still held her tendency to run when she got scared, but she allowed Killian to bring her home each time.

Now, on the day of their anniversary, they were in a really good place. But, Emma hadn't been feeling well for the last few days, and was a little worried about what that might mean for their night.

She was excited to go out on a date with Killian, and she didn't want to miss it. She also didn't want to ruin their evening by not feeling well. The morning of their anniversary, Emma was standing in the bathroom getting ready for work, when she realized she was late.

"Fuck.." She muttered, thinking back. She realized she was only a few days late, but it still scared her. She couldn't be pregnant, she just couldn't be. They weren't ready for that. She wasn't ready for that yet, right?

Killian knocked on the door softly. "Love, are you alright? You've been in there a while.."

"Oh, yeah.. I-I.. I'm fine, Babe. I'll be out in a second." Emma assured him, she didn't want to tell him before she knew anything for sure.

Emma knew that Killian would be happy, and completely support her, but she was still nervous about finding out the truth. She didn't want to get his hopes up, in case she just had a bug.

She looked at herself in the mirror, fixing her hair a little and taking a deep breath before she went to him. Killian was pulling a shirt from their closet, so she wrapped her arms around him from behind.

"Morning." She mumbled against his back.

Killian turned around, and wrapped her in his arms. "Morning, my love.. I didn't mean to disrupt you this morning, I just heard you curse, and you'd been in there longer than usual and I wanted to be sure you were alright."

"I'm fine, I just dropped something and it was instinct.." She shrugged. "Did you make coffee?"

"Aye, Love. I made you a pot." He kissed her softly. "Happy Anniversary, Swan."

Emma kissed him, and laid her head on his chest. "Happy anniversary.. I can't believe it's been two years since we started dating again.." She smiled a little, trying to think about anything other than the fact that she might be pregnant.

He nodded. "Aye, I know.." He brushed her hair behind her ear, scanning the emotions on her face. "Are you sure you're alright, Love?"

"O-of course, Killian. I promise, I'm just anxious for our date tonight.. We haven't been able to go out much lately, and I'm excited to spend a night with you.." She gave him a small smile.

She really was excited to finally have a date night with Killian. He had been swamped grading midterm papers, and with her not feeling well they hadn't done much more than sleep in the same bed in weeks.

Killian smiled back. "Aye, I am as well, Swan.. Can I make you breakfast before you have to head to work?"

"I'd like that.. Maybe just some eggs and toast today? Since I'm still getting over a bug or something?" Emma moved to find her own clothes for the day as they talked.

"Toast and eggs it is, Darling." He kissed her again briefly before heading down to the kitchen.

Emma took her time getting ready for the day. All of her nausea and tiredness was beginning to make sense to her, she was pregnant. She lifted up the hem of her shirt as she looked in the mirror. She knew she probably couldn't notice a difference yet, but she couldn't keep the picture from her imagination.

Resting her hand against her abdomen, she thought about what this means. Is she ready to have a family with Killian? Emma had planned to talk to Killian about the possibility of them getting married again after dinner, but now she had to also tell him that he was going to be a father.

She bit her lip, letting the shirt fall again. She quickly made a last minute appointment with her doctor, and sent a text to Ruby telling her she'd be late for work before she headed downstairs to eat with Killian.

Killian handed her a cup of coffee made just the way she likes it, and brought their plates to the kitchen bar. He sat next to her and kissed her temple.

"You look beautiful today, Love.." Killian said softly.

Emma blushed and smiled at him as she ate her breakfast. "You really think that? I hate when I have to wear my glasses, and I don't know.. I don't feel pretty right now.."

"Of course I do, Swan. You're always beautiful, and I like your glasses.. They're cute." He grinned, pressing a kiss to her nose as she scrunched it adorably.

Emma nodded a little as she turned back to eating slowly. "I want to give you your gift for our anniversary tonight, is that okay?" She asked nervously. She had a feeling his original gift was going to get overshadowed anyways.

"Of course.. You didn't even have to get me anything, Love."

She rolled her eyes at him. "Killian, you know you got me something too. I'd even bet that there are going to be flowers involved and something else ridiculously thoughtful. I got you something for the same reason you did it for me, I wanted to. I wanted to show you how much I appreciate you putting up with me for so long."

He rested his hand against her back. "I don't put up with you. I love you, and I couldn't be happier that you're in my life, Emma."

"Exactly. I love you too." She shrugged. "I've got a meeting with one of my kids so I've got to get going." She frowned when she saw the time. "I'll see you tonight, Babe." She put her dishes in the sink.

Killian watched her for a moment, he knew there was something she wasn't telling him. He was worried something was wrong, but he knew she'd tell him whatever it is when she's ready for him to know about it. He got up from his seat and met her before she could leave the kitchen.

Emma stood on her toes and kissed him softly. "I love you so much, Killian. Happy anniversary. I'm really looking forward to dinner tonight." She hugged him tightly.

She took comfort from the way he held and kissed her before she left. She stayed in his embrace a little longer than usual, resting her cheek against his chest, letting him reassure her, even if he didn't know it.

"I love you too, Swan. I only have two classes today, so I'll be around if you need anything. Just give me a call." Killian held her firmly for a moment before he let her go to work.


	20. Chapter 20

Emma sat in the doctor's office, nervously bouncing her leg. She didn't really know why she was so nervous, she and Killian had talked about having kids over a year ago now. Killian was going to be an amazing father, and would be so happy. She hadn't been expecting this, nor did she think she was ready, but she couldn't deny that she wanted another chance.

Her name was called and she went into the exam room. She followed the nurses instructions, gave her what she needed and had her blood sample taken. Her doctor came in after a few minutes.

"Good morning, Emma. Based off the rapid test, you are in fact pregnant. We'll know more from your blood sample.." The doctor gave her a soft smile. "Let's see how far along you are, and with your history of miscarriage and your age, I want to make sure you and the baby are healthy."

When Emma lost the baby all those years ago the only person she had to support her was her doctor. Emma really came to trust her, and her doctor took special measures to make sure Emma was healthy then, and especially in the last year.

Emma nodded a little. "Thank you.. I realized just how late I was this morning, and after the miscarriages, I might have freaked out a little, but.. Well, I just want this to work.." She admitted.

"I understand.. I'm going to do an ultrasound to make sure everything is going well, and we'll have your blood test results in a few days, but from the blood tests we've run before, I don't see any medical reason on your part for you not to have a healthy pregnancy." The doctor explained to her as she started the ultrasound.

"Everything looks really good, Emma. You and your baby are just fine, from the looks of it. You're about six or seven weeks along based on the development I can see." She smiled softly at her.

Emma released a breath she hadn't realized she was still holding. "Thank you. Can I have a copy of the image? It's my anniversary today, and I want to surprise Killian with the news.."

"Of course.. Keep in mind you're older and you've had a miscarriage, but that doesn't mean it's going to happen again. You're healthy and you're in great shape, and from the what I can see from the ultrasound, you've got a healthy pregnancy."

Emma nodded. "I understand. I'm not under any stress this time, and my boyfriend probably won't want me to lift a finger during this pregnancy. I'm scared it'll happen again, but I'm happy and I'm going to take every precaution I can to make sure this baby is healthy.."

The doctor nodded and handed her the print out before she left the room for Emma to dress again. She made her next appointment before she headed into work for the day.

After seeing the sonogram Emma realized she was more excited about telling Killian than she thought she would be. She couldn't stop picturing Killian's reaction as she did her work. She tried to focus on checking on her kids and their cases, and getting everything done so she could leave on time.

Ruby brought lunch to Emma, and sat with her. "Happy anniversary, Ems. Are you and Killian doing anything special tonight?"

Emma put her paperwork to the side and smiled a little. "Oh, yes. Killian has a nice dinner planned, he's kept most of the details a surprise though.." She shrugged.

"That's sweet. I can't believe you two have been together two years already, you're so good together."

"Thank you, Ruby.. We're happy, and we're doing really well. I'm looking forward to finally having a date night with him, we've been pretty busy lately and we haven't had the chance to just enjoy a nice night out together." Emma smiled, glancing at the picture of her and Killian from Ruby and Dorothy's wedding.

"Did you get him anything special?" Ruby asked curiously.

She nodded. "Yeah, of course. It's an old fashioned pocket watch that was special to their mom, Liam gave it to me last time they visited. And I'm going to leave early so I can go pick it up, I was having the mechanisms restored.."

"That's nice, Ems. I'm sure he'll love it." She smiled, and they talked while they finished their lunches.

"Thank you for bringing me lunch, Ruby.. I probably would have forgotten to eat if you hadn't." Emma admitted.

"I figured, you looked very engrossed in your work when I walked by your office earlier. And I wanted to see if you were feeling better."

"I am, I'm feeling better today." She wanted to tell her friend about the baby, but Emma knew Killian needed to be the first person to know. She wanted him to be the first person she told. "I should get back to work, so I can leave when I need to.. But we'll talk later?"

Ruby nodded. "Of course, Ems. Have fun with your man tonight. And don't do anything I wouldn't do." She smirked, winking at Emma as she left.

Emma rolled her eyes a little, knowing there was very little that Ruby wouldn't do.

She was able to leave in enough time to get to the jeweler's and pick up the pocket watch. While she was there she spotted a small charm she thought Killian might like to add to his necklace, and decided she'd use it to tell him about the baby.

When she got home she quickly wrapped both presents before she started to get ready. Killian came home while she was working on her makeup.

"Hello, my love." He kissed her temple. "I'll leave you to it, I just needed to get my clothes."

She smiled. "Hi, Babe. I should be ready pretty soon, I'm really looking forward to tonight."

Killian nodded. "Aye, I am as well, Swan." He changed his clothes, then came to her in the bathroom. He pressed a kiss to her temple again. "I'll be downstairs, my love. Take your time."

He was sitting on the couch, scrolling through his phone, waiting for her when she came down the stairs. As if he could feel her presence, he turned just as she made the last step onto the first floor.

"Swan.. You look.. You're stunning." He breathed, moving towards her.

Emma blushed, she had on nice dark purple dress that really made her eyes stand out. It fit her perfectly and she knew Killian would love it on her. "Thank you, Killian.. You don't look so bad yourself."

Killian moved towards her and offered her a single rose like he had on their first date. "For you, my love."

She smelled it before wrapping her arms around him. "Thank you. It's beautiful.." She kissed his cheek. She quickly put it in water before they headed to the restaurant Killian had picked out.

"Would you like a glass of wine, Swan?" Killian asked once they'd placed their food order.

She looked up at him. "Um, not tonight.. I want to enjoy our night together without the influence of alcohol, is that okay?" She knew she couldn't drink so she had to come up with some reason not to have a glass of wine like she typically would.

"Aye, Love, of course it is." He squeezed her hand, he knew her well enough to know something else was wrong for her to not have a glass of wine, but he trusted her to talk to him when she was ready. "Did you have a good day at work?"

She smiled. "Yes, it was good. I feel like I am actually caught up on everything. And yours?"

"Better now that I'm with you, my love.." He grinned at her, kissing the back of her hand.

She rolled her eyes at his cheesiness, but smiled. She pretended to hate when he was cheesy or used lines on her, but she secretly loved it. Their dinner was everything Emma had wanted that night, and as they got closer to their house, she was getting more and more nervous about telling him the truth.

Killian helped her out of his car, and kissed her softly. "This night has been absolutely perfect, Emma. Thank you for everything, and for an amazing two years together. I love you more than anything."

She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. "I love you too.. But, I should be the one thanking you.. You planned tonight. But I couldn't be more grateful for you these last couple of years."

Killian rested his hands on her hips with a smile, just looking down into her eyes. "Let's go inside, I want to give you your gift."

Emma could see new emotions in his eyes, but she knew a nervousness was in her own eyes. Killian took off his coat, and undid another button on his shirt so he was more comfortable. Emma left her heels by the door and settled on the couch with him, and the gifts.

They both started talking at the same time, but Killian let her go first. She took a deep breath and handed him the first one.

He opened the pocket watch, and ran his thumb over the cover gently. "Swan, this is beautiful.." He looked up at her.

"It was your grandfather's I think.. Liam found it in your mom's stuff and he gave it to me. I had it restored, and it's fully functional now.." Emma rested her hand on his thigh. "Do you like it?"

Killian kissed her softly. "I love it, Emma. Thank you so much." He played with the end of her hair. "There's another? This is too much already, Emma.."

She shook her head. "No, trust me.. This one is even more special. I hope you'll like it even more than the watch.." She bit her lip, a combination of nerves and excitement rolling through her.

Emma had decided to give him the new charm with the sonogram inside the box. She remembered to keep breathing despite how nervous she was. She knew that Killian was going to be happy and she had no reason to be worried about his reaction.

Killian opened it and smiled, completely ignoring the sonogram that was in the box. "Is this a celtic knot?"

She nodded. "Yes, I know you're part Irish, and I thought you'd really like something like this. But that's not what's special.. It's who it's from.. Read the tag, Killian.." She bit her lip.

Killian looked confused but opened the tag that he'd ignored. "Happy anniversary Daddy." He whispered. "Daddy? Emma.. What.. I.." He was speechless as he looked up at her.

Giving him a smile, she nodded. "Would you prefer Papa? Maybe Papa is better, I mean.. Whatever you'd like to be called is fine." She breathed, starting to ramble.

"I.. Emma.." He smiled, tears in his eyes. "Are you? We're.. We're having a baby?" He finally managed to stammer out.

Emma wiped a tear from his cheek. "Yeah, I'm pregnant.." She smiled, her own tears started falling at his reaction. "We're gonna have a baby, Killian.."

She met his eyes, tears falling down both of their cheeks. Killian's face lit up with a huge grin, unable to keep his happiness from his face.

He pulled her into his arms and kissed her deeply. Killian poured all of his emotions into this kiss. His fingers tangled in her hair, and he pulled her fully into his lap. He buried his face into her hair at her neck.

"Bloody hell, Emma.. I can't believe it. Are you happy about this? I know we talked about it before, but we were going to wait until you were sure you were ready.. And.. I don't want you to resent this baby.." Killian rambled.

Emma smiled a little, her usually smooth talking boyfriend was gone, and he was flustered, and worried about her happiness. When he finally lifted his head again, she brushed his hair from his forehead where it was getting a little long.

"I'm happy, Killian. I'm so happy. We're having a baby, we're going to be a family.." She kissed his temple, and moved his good hand to rest against her stomach. "You missed something else in your present.." She picked up the sonogram from where it had fallen.

Killian rested his chin on her shoulder and looked at the sonogram. "I can't believe that's our baby there.. Emma, this is the best day of my life.. How long have you known?"

"I kind of put the pieces together this morning.. I realized I was late, really late.. And my nausea and headaches and everything lately suddenly made sense. I was nervous because I didn't think I was ready, and I'm scared I'm going to lose this baby too.. But, I'm happy.. I'm so so happy, Killian."

He nodded and held her close. "I love you and our little one so much, Swan. Your gift definitely outweighs mine for tonight.." He admitted. "But, I got you something anyway.."

"You didn't have to.. You bought dinner, and gave me another chance to be a mom.." Emma said softly. "I don't need anything but you, Killian.."

He shrugged and laid the small box in her hands. Emma opened it, and found a set of beautiful pearl earrings.

"Killian, these are beautiful. I love them, thank you." She kissed him softly.

He kissed back. "I know it's not much, not compared to your news.. But, you lost one of your old ones, and I know they were your favorite earrings. I'll admit I had a bit of guidance from Mary Margaret, but I thought they'd be something you'd like, and something you'd use.."

He was nervous she wouldn't think the earrings were enough of a present with what she had given him, he fought the urge to scratch behind his ear with his nerves.

"They're perfect, I didn't even know you knew I'd lost one.. Anyway, tonight's been perfect." Emma laid her head against him contently. "Thank you for being you. And for giving me this baby, and loving me unconditionally. You've made me happier than I ever thought I could be.."

"Aye, you've made me very happy as well, Swan."

They stayed on the couch for a while longer, content to simply be in each other's arms. Killian could tell Emma was about to fall asleep so he lifted her into his arms to carry her to the bedroom. He helped her change into something more comfortable before they both got into bed.

Killian realized as Emma fell asleep in his arms that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Emma by his side. He'd had a ring for over a year now, but he didn't want to ask her too soon and risk spooking her into running away. But now they were going to have a baby together, and he wanted to do so with Emma as his wife.

 **Thanks for reading and reviewing! I love knowing that you guys actually like this story!**


	21. Chapter 21

**I hope y'all like this chapter, it's a long one!**

A few days after their anniversary, Emma's nausea turned into full blown morning sickness. She'd wake up every morning unable to keep her dinner down, and Killian would join her in the bathroom with a glass of water.

This morning she was especially miserable, and curled into his side once she thought she was finished. Killian wrapped her in his arms, and kissed the top of her head.

"Oh, Love.. I'm sorry you're so sick like this.. I wish I could do something about it." He spoke softly, rubbing soothing circles on her back.

She shook her head. "It's not your fault, Killian.. Morning sickness is a common effect of pregnancy, I'll be just fine."

"Aye, I know.. But it is kind of my fault.." He mumbled then shrugged, when she smacked him teasingly.

"Yeah, buddy. I know it is, but I love this little one so much already." She looked up at him, teasing in her eyes, but a small smile on her face.

Killian just smiled at her for a moment, before he leaned in and kissed her forehead. "Oh, Swan.. I forgot last night, but I picked up some ginger candies for you yesterday."

"Really? That's sweet, Babe.." She smiled as she slowly stood up. Emma brushed her teeth and Killian leaned against the door frame.

"They're downstairs in my bag. Elsa ate them when she was pregnant with Cassie, and I remember she said they really helped. I thought you'd might like to try some."

Emma pressed a kiss to his lips once she'd brushed her teeth. "Thank you, Killian.. You're so thoughtful. Let's go downstairs, I'm sure you're hungry, and I might try some dry toast."

Killian went downstairs while Emma changed her clothes for work. She pulled one of Killian's sweaters on over her work clothes before heading down to the kitchen.

"Your toast will be ready in a minute, Love. The candies are in my bag, you can get them if you want." Killian smiled.

She smiled and took the candies from his work bag. "I know we haven't really talked about it, but I don't think I'm ready to tell anyone about the baby yet.." She said softly once they'd sat down to eat.

Killian rested his prosthetic against her back. "I understand, Love.. We don't have to tell anyone until you're ready. I know that you're still scared about losing the baby." He kissed her temple reassuringly.

She closed her eyes and nodded. "Exactly, that's why I kind of want to keep this between ourselves.. I don't want to tell everyone we're having a baby, and then if something happened have to tell them all that we lost it." She spoke quietly.

"I understand, Swan, that's not a situation either of us would like to be in." Killian rubbed her back gently. "Are you going to be okay going to work today? You're feeling alright?"

She rolled her eyes teasingly. "Of course I am, Killian. It's just morning sickness, I'm sure I'll feel better by lunch. Don't worry about me." She assured him with a smile.

He nodded. "You're right, I'm sorry.. I'm overreacting aren't I?"

"Yes, but I love you for it." Emma leaned over and kissed him.

Since the moment Killian found out he was going to be a father, he hadn't stopped trying to take care of Emma. He started reading any book he could find, and making sure Emma had everything she needed. Emma knew he was going to be protective of her during the pregnancy, especially after the miscarriage. He always got up with her whenever she was sick, and made sure she was comfortable and taking care of herself.

The next few days were hard on Emma, but she knew that it would be worth it in the end. She was going to have a baby with the only man she'd ever wanted to spend her life with. One night after dinner, she and Killian were laying together on the couch watching a movie, Emma was finally getting some much needed rest.

"I was thinking a Spring or Fall wedding, Love. Depending on if you want to wait until after the baby is born or not." Killian said it so nonchalantly that at he didn't even realize he'd said it.

Emma sat up from where she'd been spread on his chest. "What did you just say?" Her eyes were wide and confused.

Killian furrowed his brows, confused at her reaction, and shrugged. "Just that I was thinking we'd get married in the spring if you wanted to be married before the baby, or next fall if you wanted to be married once the baby was born."

"Killian, what the hell are you talking about?" She pulled him to sit up with her. "I think you're forgetting something very important." She raised her eyebrows, hoping he'd realize what he'd missed.

He stared at her blankly for a moment. "Oh bloody hell." He rubbed his hand over his face. "I'm sorry, Swan.. I'll be back in a moment." He hurriedly headed up to their bedroom.

Emma was more confused than ever, they hadn't talked about getting married much, but she knew it wasn't unreasonable. She planned to spend her life with him, whether or not they got married again.

Killian almost ran back down the stairs to stop in front of her. "Swan, I'm so sorry.. I guess I've just thought about it so much since you told me you were pregnant that I guess I didn't realize I never actually asked."

"You're serious, aren't you?" She breathed out.

He smiled at her and got down on his knee in front of her. "Aye, Love.." He took her hand in his. "Emma Swan, I have loved you since the day I met you.. You were always my best friend, understanding me in a way no one else had before."

When Killian met her eyes he saw tears forming. "You're my savior, Swan. You saved me from myself, from deportation, then from myself again.. I know I left you once, and that hurt you deeply, but I swear to you now that I will never leave you again. Emma, will you marry me?" He asked softly.

Emma nodded and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Yes, Killian.. Of course." She whispered, her tears finally falling.

He pulled her into his arms and held her close. "I know that this wasn't the most romantic proposal, but I guess I couldn't wait any longer.." He tucked her hair behind her ear and kissed her gently.

She shook her head. "I don't care.. What really happened makes for a funny story." She smiled, and wiped his cheeks with her thumbs. "How long have you been planning to ask me?"

"I'll admit I've had the ring for a while, Love. Since before our first anniversary.. But I knew I wouldn't ask until I was sure it was something you'd want. When you told me about the baby, and how happy you seemed, I realized that I had to ask.. I think it's important to both of us that our child never questions their family."

Emma nodded, and moved them from the floor back to the couch. "When I realized I was pregnant, I knew a proposal was something you'd consider.. And I found that I wasn't scared of the idea, I was happy at the thought of being your wife again.. Possibly having the same name as my baby and its father.."

Killian smiled a little. "I'd be honored to share a name with you, Love. Both of you." He kissed her forehead. "Would you like to actually see the ring?"

She nodded and he opened the ring box, setting it on his lap so he could get the ring out. "If you don't like it, we can try and get something you'll like, Emma. I just want you to be happy with it."

Emma was in awe at the ring he'd picked out for her. It was gorgeous and everything she never thought she'd want in a ring until it was hers. "Killian, it's perfect.. And no matter what it looked like, you picked it out, and that means I'll love it."

He slid it onto her finger and kissed the back of her hand. "I'm glad you like it." He spoke softly, and Emma pulled him into a deep kiss. "I love you so much, Swan." He breathed when they pulled apart for air.

"I love you more, Killian." She grinned. "I can't believe it.. We're getting married, and starting a family."

"That we are, my love." He held her close to him. "This baby is so loved already, even if their family doesn't know about them yet. Our brothers are going to love this baby, almost as much as we do." He rubbed his thumb over where she's begun to slightly show.

Emma smiled, she loved the feeling of his hand on her. "It's late, and we've got that brunch with my brother tomorrow.. Can we go to bed?" She asked softly.

Killian nodded and held her hand as they headed upstairs. They crawled into bed, and Killian wrapped his arms around her from behind. "Sleep well, Love.. I love you." He whispered, but Emma must have really been exhausted because she was already asleep.

The next morning they got ready to meet David and Mary Margaret for brunch. "Babe? We can tell David and Mary Margaret about being engaged, but not the baby yet, yeah?" Emma asked softly.

He nodded. "Aye, of course. It's our little secret, Love." Killian kissed the top of her head as she fixed her makeup. "I don't know if I'll ever get used to seeing my ring on your finger, thank you for agreeing to marry me."

She smiled at him through the mirror. "I love you." She put her makeup down and turned to kiss his cheek. "Can I borrow your blue sweater?" She rested her hand against his chest. "I know my shirt is loose enough not to show my little bump, but.. I want to wear it. It's comfy." She admitted.

"Aye, it's in my drawer." Killian kissed her. "I love you too by the way."

Emma put his sweater on, and held his hand the entire drive to the restaurant. Mary Margaret and David were already there at their usual table when Emma and Killian walked in. Mary Margaret got up and hugged Emma gently.

"It's so good to see you, Sweetie. You look like you're doing well."

Emma smiled and hugged David who was keeping Leo occupied. "We're great actually. Good to see you, Bro." She kissed Leo's head. "Hey, Buddy."

"Auntie Em!" Leo grinned, reaching his arms up and hugging her. "I miss you."

She hugged him, brushing her hand over his hair. "I missed you too, Leo. I'm so glad you're here." She settled into the seat next to Killian.

"Have you been feeling better, Sis?" David asked.

She nodded. "Yeah, I must've just had a bug or something.. It could've been from one of my kids or someone at work." She shrugged.

"Good, I'm glad you're feeling better. How are your classes this semester, Killian?" Mary Margaret smiled.

He shrugged. "They're good. I've got a freshman class this semester because a professor quit just before it started, so I'm teaching more than usual. But Emma's been great about it, and it's going pretty great."

"That's great. We're glad you guys were able to come today. Leo kept asking about seeing you both, and it's nice to spend some time with family.." She wrapped her arm through David's while they talked.

Killian had his good hand resting on the table so Emma took his hand into hers. She didn't want to make a big deal or an announcement about their engagement, she kind of hoped Mary Margaret or David would notice the ring and ask.

They ordered their food, and talked for a while before Mary Margaret finally noticed the ring shining on Emma's finger.

"Emma! Is that an engagement ring? Why didn't you say anything?" She had a huge smile on her face and, was practically bouncing in her seat.

"Oh, I.. I didn't really want to make it a big deal.. I don't like that kind of attention, you know.." Emma shrugged and Killian pressed a comforting kiss to her temple.

"Well, I'm happy for you. You have to tell me how it happened. Killian's always so romantic, I bet it was absolutely perfect." Mary Margaret was a hopeless romantic, and always had been.

Emma laughed softly, meeting Killian's eyes briefly. "Actually, we were just laying on the couch together, and he all of a sudden started asking me about when I wanted to get married.. He was so adorably confused, not realizing he'd voiced his thoughts before actually proposing." She squeezed his hand gently.

"Aye, I guess I was a bit distracted.. But once I'd realized what I'd done I got the ring and then I'd like to think it was romantic." Killian smiled a little.

"Of course it was, Killian.. You've always had a way with words, it was perfect.. The proposal was perfect for us and our relationship." She shrugged, looking at her brother. "David? You're being awfully quiet.. Are you not okay with Killian and I getting married?" She asked softly.

David gave her a small smile. "Emma, of course I'm okay with it.. You're happy, and I promised you years ago that I would support you unless he broke your heart again. Anyways, Killian asked for my blessing ages ago, he's good for you." He assure his little sister.

Emma looked surprised that Killian had asked for his blessing. "You asked my brother if you could marry me?" She had started to tear up.

"Aye, Love.. After our first anniversary, I'd already bought the ring, and.. I didn't want his permission, you make your own choices.. But, I knew that when I did ask you, it would mean a lot to you to know we have his blessing.. That he was happy for us." He brushed the hair from her face. He knew her tears were partly because of the hormones, but he knew she was grateful for him talking with her brother.

Emma pressed a kiss to his lips. "Thank you, that really means a lot to me, Killian. David is my only family." She snuggled into his side happily.

David smiled genuinely, he was truly happy for his little sister. She had been hurt so badly in the past, he was glad she had finally found someone who would truly fight for her, not against her. When he talked to Killian about the possibility of them getting married again, he had made sure to make his opinion clear, wanting Killian to know that he'd kill him if he ever hurt Emma again.

"It's a beautiful ring, Killian. It suits Emma perfectly, you did a good job." Mary Margaret held Emma's hand as she looked at it.

"He did, didn't he? The last few weeks have been really good for us, we had our anniversary, and Killian proposed.. It's been great." Emma smiled.

"Auntie Emma?" Leo asked. "Can I sit with you? I finish my foods." He gave her a big grin, one Emma could never deny.

"Of course, Kiddo.." She helped the three year old from the highchair and settled him on her lap. "I can't believe how big you've gotten, Leo. You're almost 4 now. Just a couple weeks." She kissed his cheek.

He nodded and held up four fingers to her. "Yeah, four! You come to my party?"

"I wouldn't miss it. Uncle Killy and I will be there." She tickled his side to get him to giggle.

Killian smiled, he loved watching Emma with her nephew, it assured him she was going to be the best mother. "Aye, Little Lad. Emma and I will be there for sure."

"Yay, Uncle Killy." He giggled.

Emma let Leo color in front of her while she talked with David and Mary Margaret. Killian put his arm around Emma, leaning back in his chair.

"Do you need any help getting stuff ready for his party, Dave, Mary Margaret?" Killian asked. "Emma and I would be glad to help if you need it.."

"That's very sweet to offer, Killian.. We should be fine, it's a party for a few preschoolers, not too much involved.. But I know my sister-in-law is going to show up early despite me telling her she doesn't need to." Mary Margaret smiled.

"Aye, she adores her nephew, and I believe the feeling is mutual. She's great with kids.." He smiled at his fiance.

Emma had been so focused on whatever Leo was telling her that she hadn't heard them talking about her until the end. "I'm not that great, Killian.. I mean, yeah I work with kids everyday, but it's different.. Leo is my family, we babysit him. My kids, my focus is their case and finding someone else to take care of them."

He shrugged. "I've seen you with Leo, and with your kids at work and I think you are great with all of them." He kissed her temple.

Emma looked up at him and smiled a little. She knew it was taking a lot for him not to talk about the baby, he was so excited to be a father and would scream it from the rooftops if she let him. Killian brushed her hair behind her ear with a gentle smile before he pressed a brief kiss to her lips.

David rolled his eyes teasingly. "Hey, I don't want to see that."

Emma blushed a little but shook her head. "Please, you and M are practically a fairytale couple, all the time. It's kind of sickening.. Killian can kiss me if he wants to, David. It's not like we're making out at lunch." She rolled her eyes at him.

"Yeah, yeah.. But you're my little sister, I don't want to think about you doing anything of the sort, and I don't want to see it." He shrugged. "Even if you're all grown up now, you're still my baby sister."

"We didn't meet until I was sixteen, David.. And Ruth didn't adopt me until I was seventeen.. And you're only a couple years older than me. I'm not really your baby sister." She laughed softly, leaning back against Killian.

David smiled a little. "I know, but I still love you, Emma. And I'm definitely happy for you two. I've never seen you happier than you are when you're with Killian."

She nodded. "Thank you, I love you too, David. Killian and I should let you two get on with your day, I'm sure you have plenty to do, and I kind of want to spend some time with Killian.."

"Of course. It was so good to see you, Sweetie. If you want to get together for lunch soon just let me know when is good for you." Mary Margaret smiled as she hugged Emma.

Emma nodded and laced her fingers with Killian's as they left. Killian drove them home and Emma immediately took off her shoes and turned to him.

"It's a nice day, let's sit out back, and we can talk about the wedding, and the baby?" She played with the button on his Henley.

"Aye, sounds perfect." Killian sat on their porch swing, and Emma settled into his arms like normal. His hand rested against her stomach and he kissed her shoulder.

"Brunch was fun, Love.. Did you enjoy it?"

"Yeah, I hate that we don't get to see them as much lately.. We've been so busy.. Thank you for not mentioning the baby, I know how difficult it was for you." She covered his hand with hers.

"I know, it's just seeing you with Leo and how much the lad adores you.. I can't wait to see you with our own child. This little bean is so lucky to have you as a mother." He ran his thumb over her stomach gently.

"Our little bean is lucky to have you too, Killian.. You're amazing with kids. I've seen you with your niece and nephews." She smiled a little. "I'm so glad I get do this with you, marry you, have a baby with you."

"Thank you, Swan.. Have you thought about whether or not you'd like to be married before the baby comes?" He asked softly.

"I've thought about it, but.. I don't know.. I'd like to be married beforehand, so that our baby always has their parents married.. But, I.. I don't know if I want a big wedding now, I just want to be your wife." She admitted softly.

Killian nodded. "Aye, Love.. I understand. We can go to the courthouse if you want, and then once you have the baby, and everything has settled a little we can have a real wedding if that's what you want? We didn't have a wedding the first time, and I don't know.. I've always dreamed about seeing you in a white dress.." He confessed.

Emma looked up at him. "I like that idea, we get to be married now.. But then I won't be pregnant at our wedding.. I know we're not getting married just because I'm pregnant, but I don't think I want to be huge at our wedding.. I'd rather wait and have our little one be there with us.." She gave him a smile.

He leaned down and kissed her. "As beautiful as I know you'll be pregnant with our child, I understand.. I want you to know you're going to feel beautiful on our wedding day. And if you'd like to wait until the fall, I don't mind, my Love."

She kissed him and nuzzled against his neck. "Do you want a boy or a girl?" She asked after a while.

"It matters not, Love. I just want our baby to be happy and healthy. I'll love them whether they're a little lad or lass." He assured her.

She nodded. "Me too.. I guess I've been picturing you with a little girl lately.. She has your bright blue eyes, and pointed little ears.. Maybe dark curls.." She shrugged. "But I'd be just as happy if we had a little boy.. I imagine he'd be your little mini me."

He laced his fingers with hers. "Our baby is going to be the cutest baby, with you for a mother there's no way they're not going adorable."

Emma nodded and closed her eyes, more tired than she thought she was. She had been so busy at work that week, and Killian had a lot of papers to grade that they'd both been up late many of the nights. She had woken up quite early with morning sickness most of the days too so she was exhausted.

Killian rubbed her back with his prosthetic, his good hand still entwined with hers. He could feel her breathing evening out as he gently moved the porch swing, and he wanted to let her sleep. Since it was such a nice day, he decided to just stay on the back porch while she napped against him.

He was content to just hold Emma for a while. He'd been worried about how much sleep she was getting lately, and how hard she was working herself right now. Emma had always been stubborn, and even though she knew she was pregnant and would need more rest, she still insisted on working hard for her kids.

Emma slept for almost a hour before she woke up, a little disoriented. Killian rubbed her back gently.

"You're okay, you fell asleep outside, Love." He spoke softly when he felt her waking up.

She rubbed her eyes and looked up at him. "Oh.. Hey.." She kissed his jaw. "I'm sorry I fell asleep on you, how long was I out?"

"You slept for almost an hour, Love.. But I didn't mind, I was happy to just hold you and let you sleep. I know you haven't been getting much sleep, and that you're extra tired because of the pregnancy.." He shrugged.

Emma sat up and fixed her ponytail. "Oh, thank you.. I was pretty tired.." She got up and offered him her hand. "Let's go in, and maybe we can have some hot chocolate?" She asked hopefully, a sparkle in her eye.

Killian smiled and took her hand. "Aye, Love. I'll make some hot chocolate for you and the bean. You pick us out a movie, and get comfortable on the couch."


	22. Chapter 22

Over the next few weeks Emma was starting to more noticeably show, but they still hadn't told anyone. She started wearing Killian's sweaters whenever she was going to see their friends or her family.

She stood in front of the mirror, looking at her little bump when she noticed Killian leaning against the door frame into their bedroom. His smile widened when he locked eyes with her, and moved to stand behind her.

"You look beautiful, Love. I hope you know that, Swan." He kissed her neck. "That's our baby in there." He rested his hand on her bump.

Emma leaned back into his arms and sighed contently. "Thank you.. Just seeing this, it makes it finally real.. We heard their little heartbeat last week, and it's starting to be obvious. We're going to tell our family soon.." She laced her fingers with his.

"Aye, it's really happening.. We're practically out of the period where we could lose the baby, and you're both still healthy." He smiled.

Emma turned around and hugged him tightly. "I'm excited to see Liam, Elsa and the kids.. Are you ready to leave?"

He moved his hands to her hips. "Aye, I'm ready. If you're tired, you don't have to come to the airport, you can stay and get some rest. We're going to come straight back here anyways." He kissed her forehead.

"I.. I am tired, but.. You shouldn't have to drive so far alone.." She sighed.

"No, stay and rest, for you and our little bean. I know the babe has made you more tired than usual.. Plus, you've worked hard this week so you could take a few days off to spend time with my family, you deserve the rest." He brought her closer to him and pressed a quick kiss to her lips. "I'll be back soon, Love."

Emma nodded and kissed him gently. "Alright, I love you.. Text me when you get them? I can get started on some lunch for us all to have once you get back."

Killian nodded and left for the airport. Emma did some more work, and watched some TV while she waited. She didn't like Killian treating her with kid gloves, but she was tired. She knew she needed her rest now, before they had five extra people in their house, three of them kids.

She had just fallen asleep on the couch when she woke up to a knock on the front door. She moved to the door, not thinking about who could be on the other side. She pulled it open to find Mary Margaret standing there with a soft smile and a container of pastries.

"M.. What are you doing here?" Emma asked, still kind of fuzzy from her nap.

"Oh, I just came by to see you.. David got called into work, and Leo is at a play-date, and I knew you'd taken off from work today." Mary Margaret shrugged. "I brought you a bearclaw?"

"I um.. Well, come in." She turned to head towards the kitchen, knowing Mary Margaret would follow. She got plates and started a pot of coffee. "I hope decaf is okay?"

"Since when do you drink decaf coffee?" Mary Margaret asked.

"Killian accidentally bought the wrong kind of coffee beans, and I opened it before I knew. And now I have to drink the rest of it?" She lied, terribly, she knew she couldn't have caffeine with the baby.

Mary Margaret was skeptical, but nodded. "Alright.. How have you and Killian been? Planning your wedding?"

Emma smiled a little and leaned against the counter. "Yeah, we have a little.. We think we just want to have something super small, just signing the certificate, you know? We just want to be married again, we're happy and don't really need the big fanfare right now." She shrugged.

"You don't want any kind of special day? You didn't get that the first time you two were married, I guess I figured you'd want it now.."

Emma shook her head. "I just want to be his wife. The day doesn't really matter much.. I'm thirty, Killian is even older.. We don't need all of that to be happy."

Mary Margaret smiled and nodded. "I understand. I'm happy for you two."

Emma gave her a cup of coffee and moved to sit next to her while they ate the food Mary Margaret brought. Emma knew it was obvious she was pregnant, with the shirt she was wearing, but she couldn't find it in herself to care.

She was ready to tell their family, and they had planned to tell everyone while Liam and Elsa were here visiting anyway. Emma had been lost in her thoughts for a moment when Mary Margaret placed her hand gently on her arm.

"Emma? I want to ask you something, and I know you might lie to me, but.. I'm going to ask anyways."

She looked at her sister-in-law. "Alright..?" Emma was a little worried about what she was going to ask.

Mary Margaret had a smile on her face. "Emma, Sweetie, are you pregnant?"

Emma took a breath before she nodded, a smile tugging at her lips. "Yeah, I am.." She was pulled into a hug before she could say anything else.

"Emma! That's so exciting! I'm so happy for you, you're going to be the best mom." Mary Margaret kissed her forehead. "How far along are you? How long have you known? Are you doing well? Why didn't you tell me?" She started asking questions a mile a minute.

"M.. Slow down." Emma laughed softly. "I'm doing very well, and the baby is perfectly healthy. Killian and I have kept it to ourselves because I had miscarried before. And I was a little scared." She sighed. "But I'm about thirteen weeks now, and my doctor said it was safe to tell people.."

"Sorry, Emma.. I'm just so happy, I had a feeling there was something you were hiding lately, you've been wearing Killian's sweaters or shirts a lot.. How long have you guys known?"

"I found out on our anniversary last month. I surprised him with the news, and it was so sweet.. Killian is so excited to be a father.." Emma smiled. "It's kind of what made us decide to get married.. I want us to be a family when our baby is born."

"I understand.. I noticed your little bump earlier, and then you were telling me you didn't really want a big wedding and the caffeine.. I knew you had to be pregnant." She smiled. "But I understand why you don't want to wait to plan a wedding, you just want to be married."

Emma rested her hand against her stomach. "Yeah, I've started showing and we weren't telling anyone yet so I started to wear Killian's sweaters.. And then I answered the door today without thinking about it, but I found I didn't care if you knew.. You're my sister. I wanted you to know."

She was happy, it was nice to have someone besides Killian know about the baby. "I liked having something that was ours, for a little while. But honestly, it's nice not having this big secret.."

She hugged Emma tightly. "I understand, I felt similarly when we found out about Leo.. Anyways, thank you for being honest with me, I'm so happy for you. I promise I won't tell David, I know that's something you should get to tell him yourself.. I should go, I know Killian will be back soon."

Emma hugged her back. "Of course, and thank you, that means a lot. We had plans to tell you later in the week anyways. Tell my favorite nephew I said hi for me?" She smiled.

"Of course." Mary Margaret kissed her cheek. "Take care of my niece or nephew.. I'll see you later this week." She said before she left.

Emma got a text from Killian and started on some lunch for them to have when they got back to the house. She put on one of Killian's button downs with her leggings and was just straightening up when the door opened.

Emma couldn't help but smile when she saw them. "Liam.. Elsa.. It's so good to see you." She met them near the door with a hug.

"Lass, it's good to see you too.. You look as happy as my brother." Liam kissed her cheek.

"I am happy.. Killian's a big part of that." She smiled and knelt down to hug the kids. "You boys have gotten so big, I can't believe it."

"Hi, Aunt Emma!" Finn said as the twins hugged her back.

Killian was of course holding onto Cassie's hand, listening to the little girl tell him some story he could really only understand part of. Emma kissed his cheek, and smiled at Cassie.

"You've gotten so big, Cassie.." She smiled.

"Auntie Em!" She grinned when she realized Emma was there.

Emma lifted her into her arms and hugged the little girl close. "Hi, Sweetie.. I've missed you so much." She smiled.

"Miss you too.. And Uncle Killy." Cassie was four, and growing like a weed. She was looking more and more like Elsa, a beautiful little girl.

"Lunch should be almost ready. Why don't you help them take their bags upstairs, Babe? And then we'll eat." Emma smiled.

Killian nodded and showed his family to the guest room. Emma got their lunch out and set the table quickly. She knew she needed to tell Killian that Mary Margaret knew, but she wasn't sure they'd have a moment alone. When they came back downstairs, Emma pulled Killian into the kitchen so she could talk to him.

"Babe? So, um.. Mary Margaret came by while you were gone, and I um.. I was just wearing that tank top, because I fell back asleep on the couch.. And well.." She bit her lip, trying to stop her rambling.

Killian cupped her cheek. "She knows, aye?" He asked softly, and Emma nodded. "That's alright. Did you think I was going to be upset, Love?"

Emma nodded a little. "Yeah, maybe a bit?" She admitted.

"I'm not upset, I couldn't be.. I'm so happy, something like that couldn't upset me right now." He kissed her forehead. "You're doing well today? I figured we'd just spend the day here, relaxing.. They're probably tired from the time change.."

She smiled a little, and hugged him tightly. "Thank you.. I'm feeling pretty good today, but it might be nice to just relax a bit."

Elsa smiled at them from the doorway. "Do you need any more help?" She asked softly.

Emma looked up at her. "Oh, no.. I just needed to ask Killian a question." She took his hand and moved back to the dining room.

Elsa nodded and sat at the table with them. They all got their food before they started talking.

"I know we talked about it over FaceTime, but I'm so happy you two are getting married. You're so good for each other." Elsa smiled.

Emma blushed a little, but leaned into Killian's side contently. "Thank you.. We're excited. We finally have done somethings at the right times."

Killian chuckled softly. "You mean dating and then getting married, Love?" He teased gently.

She nodded and kissed his cheek. "Yeah, I think it's going to work a lot better this time around."

"Can I see the ring Killian picked out? I only saw it in pictures.." Liam asked, and Emma held out her hand so he and Elsa could look at it.

"Oh, it's gorgeous, Killian.. And it looks perfect for you, Emma.." Elsa smiled.

"He did a really good job. It's honestly perfect.. He knows I don't need, or want, anything flashy.. But it's still beautiful." Emma smiled. The ring was modest and simple, and fit Emma's style and personality perfectly.

Killian pressed a kiss to the crown of her head. "I knew you wouldn't want something big, and sparkly.. Or that you probably didn't even care if I gave you a ring, but it was something I thought you should have."

Emma nodded. "I know.. I'm lucky to have someone who knows me so well." She pulled Killian's arm around her waist once they'd finished eating.

"Is there anything you wanted to do in Boston while you're here? Anything you want to show the kids or anything?" Emma asked.

"We're not particular.. We're just glad to get to visit with you." Liam smiled at her.

Emma nodded. "I understand. Killian and I didn't really plan anything specific. I have to work a bit towards the end of the week, but Killian's university is on break so he'll be around the whole week."

"I figured we could maybe take the kids out on the water one day? It's finally warm enough to sail, and I have a friend who is willing to loan me their boat.." Killian said.

"I know the boys would love that.." Elsa smiled. "We haven't had the chance to take them out much since Cassie was born.."

"Perfect, I'll make arrangements.. Will you join us, Love?" He brushed a piece of hair behind Emma's ear.

She bit her lip, thinking. She had always been a little unsteady on the water, but she was worried it would be worse because of the pregnancy. "Um, yeah.. If you can get the boat when I don't have to work.." She shrugged.

Later that afternoon, Emma and Elsa were sitting on the porch watching Killian and Liam play in the yard with the kids.

"Killian adores those kids.." Emma said softly with a smile.

"He does. He's always been so good with kids.. Have you two talked about having a family one day?" Elsa asked gently. "He'd be such a good father.."

Emma smiled a little. "Yeah, we've talked.. We both want a family.. Kind of something we never really had as a kid ourselves." She knew how excited Killian was for the baby. "We've thought about maybe adopting one day, but we're not sure yet."

Emma wasn't lying when she told Elsa they had talked about adopting one day, with her job and her childhood, it had always been something in the back of her mind. Emma wanted to be able to give a child the home she had always dreamed of. Right now, Emma's mind was too preoccupied with her fears of still losing the baby for them to consider adopting.

Since they found out, Killian had been reading any pregnancy book he could find. Even though she got a little annoyed at his over protectiveness, she loved how invested he was in this. He just wants what's best for her and their baby.

Elsa smiled softly. "You're both so sweet, any child would be lucky to have you. Do you want to have a child of your own too?"

"Yeah.. It's not hard to picture Killian with a child that's part of him and part of me. Especially after everything we've been through." Emma admitted. She had to keep herself from resting her hand against her little bump, she wanted to actually have the chance to tell Liam and Elsa before they just guessed.

"I understand.. That's kind of how I was when Liam and I got married. I was worried he wouldn't want kids, since he'd practically raised Killian.. But I couldn't be happier that he did, he's such an amazing father." Elsa watched Liam kick a ball with the twins.

That night, Emma was lying in bed with Killian and he was rubbing her back gently as they talked. Emma sighed contently.

"I want to tell them tomorrow." She said suddenly, resting her chin on his chest so she could look at him.

Killian nodded a little. "We can tell them, it'll be nice for other people to know." He smiled.

"Yeah, and since we're having dinner with David and Mary Margaret too, it figured it'd be a good time to tell everyone.. You know, so we only have to do it once?" She shrugged.

"Aye, that's a great idea, Love." He kissed her forehead. "I know you don't really like all of the attention that is definitely going to come once we start telling people."

She smiled a little and kissed him softly. "Thank you.. I'm really excited for our families to know.. It's getting warmer out, and I can't hide my bump as easily."

He kissed back gently. "I understand, Love. I just want you to be comfortable, and happy.." He held her close. "I'm still so happy to be having this baby with you, Swan.. I hope you know that."

She rested her head against his chest again. "I do, Babe.. You've been so sweet, and better than I ever could have asked for from you. I love you so much, and I'm happy I get to do this with you. Be your wife, raise a child that is ours.." She admitted softly.

Killian played with her hair. "Aye, I'm happy as well, my Love.. There's no one I would rather start a family with, than you."


	23. Chapter 23

The next day, they took the Jones clan around their part of the city. Killian was excited to show his family where he and Emma lived. They got lunch and some ice cream from a little shop near their house. Emma leaned against Killian's side tiredly.

"Are you alright, Love? I didn't tire you out too much today, right?" Killian asked softly as they ate.

She shook her head. "No, no. I'm fine, Babe.. Don't worry about me."

Killian frowned but nodded; he knew Emma would tell him if it became too much for her. He kept his bad arm around her while he ate his ice cream. Emma nestled against his chest once she'd finished.

Liam smiled at them, he was so glad that Killian was happy. He thought his little brother deserved all of this happiness and more.

"We're having dinner with David and Mary Margaret tonight, right?" Liam asked.

"Aye, they wanted to see you while you're in town, so they invited us over to their house. Mary Margaret always asks about how you are doing." Killian nodded.

"That's very kind of them to have us all over. There's a lot of us, I know it's not easy to make dinner for so many." Liam smiled.

Emma shook her head. "If there's one thing my sister-in-law can do, it's host a party. She loves having people over, and spending time with family.. And she cares about your family." Emma smiled a little. "Trust me, she's been looking forward to this since I told her you were coming for a visit."

"Can we bring anything to help? Maybe a bottle of wine?" Elsa asked.

"I'm sure Mary Margaret would appreciate the thought, if you want to.. But we're not expected to bring anything. I even volunteered Killian to help her cook and she told me no." Emma shrugged.

Elsa nodded, as she wiped off Cassie's mouth. Killian kissed Emma's temple.

"We should get going, Love.. If you want to change before we head to their house."

She nodded. "Right, we've still got to walk back to home." She got up, taking his hand in hers while they walked.

The twins were talking with Killian happily as they walked, they loved hearing Killian's stories, especially the embarrassing ones about Liam. Liam smacked Killian good naturedly.

"Don't go telling those stories, Little Brother. I don't need my boys to think I wasn't cool." He scolded with a smile. Liam really liked that his boys looked up to Killian too.

He thinks Killian is a good man, and if his boys turned out even a little bit like their uncle, they'd be gentlemen. Killian ruffled Alex's hair teasingly, he enjoyed getting to spend time with him and Finn.

The group of them got ready for dinner, Emma keeping Cassie occupied so Liam and Elsa could do what they needed to. They drew a picture at the kitchen table while they waited for everyone else.

"Aunt Em.. Can you write my name?" She asked hopefully.

Emma smiled and wrote it on the corner of the paper. "I love this picture, it's beautiful." She kissed her head.

"It for you, Aunt Em!" She grinned. "You and Uncle Killy." She giggled.

"Really? For us? How about we go put it up on the fridge, huh?" Emma asked.

Cassie nodded eagerly. Emma held her on her hip as they went to the fridge. She gave her a magnet and let her put the drawing up herself. Cassie grinned and wrapped her arms around Emma's neck.

Killian came up behind them and kissed both of their heads. "What are two of my favorite lasses up to?" He asked softly.

Emma smiled at him and Cassie pointed to the picture. "We colored. It's for you, Uncle Killy."

"Oh, it's perfect, lass. Thank you. I love it." He smiled.

Killian could tell that Emma was nervous to tell their family about the baby, but he knew she was happy as well. He rubbed his thumb over the small of her back, hoping to soothe her a little.

Their ride to the Nolan's was rather short, and Emma took Killian's hand as they walked up to the door. She needed to be close to him as it got closer to when they were going to tell their family about the baby.

Mary Margaret opened the door, a big smile on her face. "Oh, I'm so glad you guys made it! It's so good to see you." She hugged Liam and Elsa once they were inside.

"It's good to see you too, Lass. Thank you for having us over tonight." Liam smiled.

"Oh of course. You're family, Liam." She smiled back and hugged Emma and Killian.

"Can I talk to you, M? Just for a minute?" Emma asked softly.

She nodded and they headed to the bedroom, Mary Margaret knew it wasn't something she wanted everyone to hear. Emma took a breath.

"We're going to tell everyone tonight.. I know you just found out yesterday, but I can't imagine how hard it has been for you not to tell David. Killian and I are ready.. We want our family to know.." She spoke softly.

Mary Margaret brushed the hair from Emma's face. "That's great, Sweetie. I've wanted to tell him all day because I'm so happy for you, but I know how important it is to you that he hears this from you. Let me know if you need anything tonight? I know you're probably still a bit sensitive to smells, so I just made something simple."

Emma smiled a little. "Thank you.. I think we'll tell everyone after we eat, but I don't know.. You really think my brother is going to be happy for me?"

"Of course I do, Emma. David loves you, and he's so happy that you found Killian.. He loves to see how happy Killian makes you. He's going to be glad that you've finally gotten something he knows you've always wanted."

She nodded with a smile. "You're right, I'm being ridiculous. David is going to love being an uncle. He and Killian have really grown closer in the last few years too, and he knows I'm happy with Killian."

The two women went to join the rest of the group, Killian immediately pulling Emma in against him. He knew she was nervous and that she took comfort from being in his arms. Emma nestled her head against his chest and held onto him.

David came in from the kitchen after a few minutes. "Dinner is ready, if you want to get settled at the table." He hugged Emma as she walked by him. "It's good to see you, Sis." He smiled.

Emma nodded. "Yeah, I'm glad we were able to come tonight." She kissed her brother's cheek.

David smiled and let her go to the table. Emma sat between Killian and Mary Margaret, both of them picking up on Emma's nerves. Killian rubbed her back gently. At one point David and Liam were talking about something so Killian leaned over to Emma and kissed her temple.

"We can just tell them right now, Love. You're clearly nervous, and we might as well get it over with. You'll feel better once this is off your chest." He told her softly, brushing a piece of hair behind her ear gently.

She looked up at him and nodded. "You're right.. I don't want my mood now to ruin the evening before we get the chance to tell them.."

When there was a dip in the conversation, Emma decided to speak up.

"Um, so there's something Killian and I wanted to tell you all.." She felt Mary Margaret squeeze her hand reassuringly.

"Aye, Lass? Is everything alright?" Liam asked, a little worried.

Emma nodded. "Yeah, yeah.. We're fine.. We're just.. We're.." She was suddenly so nervous she couldn't finish.

Killian kissed her head, he hated seeing her so nervous so he decided to do this for her. "What my lovely fiancé is trying to say, is that we're having a baby. Emma is pregnant." He smiled a little, holding her close.

"Ems.. Really?" David asked softly, a small smile on his face.

Emma nodded. "Yeah.. You're gonna be an uncle." She let him pull her from her seat into a hug.

"Oh, I'm so happy for you, Sis.. You deserve this, you're going to be an amazing mom." He kissed the crown of her head and held her close.

She buried her face against him as she hugged her brother. "You're really happy for me, right?" She mumbled softly.

"Of course, Emma.. I know how much you love kids, and I know after everything you went through you were reluctant to let yourself want that again. But I'm so glad you did, you and Killian are going to be the best parents."

"Thank you." She kissed his cheek, letting go of him.

Killian had hugged Liam and Elsa, then Mary Margaret, while he spoke with David, Liam hugged Emma firmly.

"I'm so happy for you, Lass. You're both going to be the best parents." He kissed her cheek. "I hope my brother is taking care of you and the babe?"

Emma nodded. "Oh, of course he is.. He's been so considerate and caring, not that that's any different than before. He always takes good care of me." She shrugged.

Once everyone had given their congratulations, they settled back to their dinners. Killian kept his arm around Emma.

"See, aren't you glad that's out of the way, Love? Now we can enjoy our dinner with our family." Killian said softly. "Are you feeling alright, can I get you anything?"

She kissed his jaw. "I do feel better, thank you.. And I'm fine, but thank you for being so sweet." She gave him a small smile.

He smiled softly, and rubbed her back gently. Everyone was so happy for them, they asked Emma some questions about her and the baby.

"How far along are you?" Elsa asked softly.

"I'm about thirteen weeks now, we found out on our anniversary last month.. But we didn't want to tell anyone, in case I miscarried again." Emma answered, her words growing quieter towards the end.

"I understand, that's not really a conversation you want to have to have." Elsa gave her an understanding smile. "I'm assuming you're both healthy now?"

Emma nodded, smiling a little. "Yeah, the little bean and I are perfectly healthy." She felt Killian rest his hand against her little bump and leaned into his arms.

"I think I speak for all of us when I say I'm glad to hear that. You and Killian deserve this." Elsa smiled.

Killian kissed the top of Emma's head. "Aye, I'm grateful that they're both doing well. We got to hear the heartbeat earlier this week, and it was bloody fantastic." He couldn't keep the smile off his face, he was so excited for their baby.

"Hearing the heartbeat for the first time is an amazing experience. Everything is real in that moment." Mary Margaret smiled.

"Killian was so in awe, it was really sweet." Emma smiled a little.

"Is that why you want to be married sooner?" David asked them.

Emma nodded. "Yeah, I want to change my name before the baby comes, and it'll be a lot simpler process if we're married.. Plus, we've been married before, so why wait?"

"You don't want a ceremony this time?" Mary Margaret asked.

"I mean, it's not that big of a deal, M.. I just want Killian to be my husband, we don't need anything fancy to be happy together. We're living together, have been for a while, we're happy.. I don't know, I was never the girl who dreamt of her wedding day.." Emma shrugged.

Emma hadn't ever thought she'd find someone she'd want to marry, let alone them want to marry her too. She loved Killian, and knew she wanted to marry him, but the actual wedding wasn't really something she thought about.

"I get it.. And if you decided you wanted one, you could always have a ceremony once you have the baby." Elsa chimed in encouragingly.

"Exactly." She leaned back into Killian's chest.

Killian held her close, he could tell she was getting kind of tired of the attention being directed at her. Mary Margaret could tell Emma was getting a little overwhelmed, so she decided to change the subject.

"How about dessert? I made chocolate pie and cherry pie." Mary Margaret said with a smile.

Emma perked up a little at the mention of chocolate pie. Liam offered to help bring the dessert to the table. Cassie reached for Killian to pick her up.

"Uncle Killy, can I sit with you?" She asked softly.

He glanced at Emma since he had his arms around her, and she nodded with a smile. "Of course, Love." He lifted her onto his leg opposite Emma. "Are you excited to have a little cousin soon?"

"Cousin?" Cassie asked.

"Aye, Aunt Emma and I are going to have a baby. Isn't that cool?" Killian smiled.

Cassie looked from him to Emma and nodded a little. "Um, yeah. Baby." She smiled.

Emma reached out and ran her fingers through Cassie's curls. Killian smiled at them, and held them close. "Both of you are so beautiful." Killian kissed both of their foreheads.

Emma blushed a little. "She's the beautiful one, Killian.. A precious little one."

Killian rolled his eyes. "Please, Emma.. You're gorgeous, the most beautiful woman I've ever seen." He frowned.

Cassie reached to Emma and smiled. "Aunt Em, pretty."

Emma kissed her hand and smiled softly at the little girl. "Thank you, Sweetie.."


	24. Chapter 24

The rest of the Jones' trip passed quickly, Killian and Emma enjoying the time with their family. Once Killian had driven them to the airport, he came home to find Emma asleep on the couch, her hand resting protectively over her little bump.

She stirred when she heard the door close, Killian kneeling next to the couch, pressing a kiss to her head gently.

"Love.." He spoke softly, he didn't want her to have pain in her neck from lying in her current position for too long.

Emma blinked at him, lifting to kiss him softly. "Hey.." She said softly. "I didn't realize you were home.."

Killian smiled softly. "I just got back, and I didn't want your neck to start hurting.." Emma shifted so he could sit and she could lay against his lap.

"How's our little bean today?" He ran his fingers through her hair gently.

"The same as when you left.." She rolled her eyes teasingly. "You're so protective.. You're going to be an amazing father, Killian Jones.."

He smiled softly at her, and nodded a little. "Thank you, you're going to be an even better mum.. You already are."

She pulled his hand to rest against her bump. "Are we going to find out if it's a girl or a boy?" She asked softly.

"If you would like to, Love.. I think I'd like to know, so we can decorate the nursery and think about names. But, we can let it be a surprise if you want to wait."

"I kind of want to know..You know I don't really like surprises, and I didn't get the chance to find out last time before I lost it.. And, yeah.. It's still hard for me to believe that we're here, and I think it'll be more real if I know" She shrugged.

He kissed the top of her head. "Then we will find out when we can. Have you thought about which room you'd like to use for the nursery?"

Emma played with his fingers. "I think I want it to be the room across from ours.. It's close for when we have to get up in the middle of the night, and I've always pictured it as a child's room." She admitted.

"Sounds perfect, Love.. But can I ask, how long have you been thinking about having children?"

"Um.." She bit her lip nervously. "Since I moved in, I guess? I know we talked about adopting one day even if we never had a child of our own.. So I don't know, a while?"

Killian smiled softly. "Aye, I've always pictured filling the rooms with children.. Since the day I bought the house really.." He admitted.

"That's sweet, Killian.." She kissed his wrist, where it was near her face. "Did you have a good time with your family this week?"

"Aye, it was perfect. Thank you for letting them stay with us, and taking off work so you could spend time with them too."

"Of course, Babe. They're family, and are always welcome here. I never had a big family growing up, and now I have you, Liam, Elsa, and the kids on top of my own brother and his family.. And our little one here." She smiled. "And we don't get to see them much, it's nice when they're here."

"Your family is bigger than you think.. You've got Ruby and Dorothy, all of your friends." Killian kissed her temple. "You're never going to be alone again, Love. And neither will our child."

She nodded, her hormones causing tears to form in her eyes. "Thank you.. I love you so much, Killian."

"I love you too, Swan. Always." He whispered.

As Emma started to show more and more, she started feeling more self conscious about her appearance. She had never loved attention, and everywhere she went people were looking at her, knowing she's pregnant, and even trying to touch her stomach. She hated it most when people touched her.

She even started to shy away from Killian, scared he wouldn't like the way she looked anymore. She thought he'd think she's fat, despite his constant reassurances. He was constantly telling her how attractive he finds her, calling her beautiful. When Killian got home from work that night she was standing in front of the mirror, looking at herself.

She knew she was happy to have this baby, that she was lucky the pregnancy didn't have any problems. She wanted to feel comfortable enough in herself to let Killian touch her again, but her fears drowned out her rational thought.

Emma was resting her hand against her stomach where she could feel the little flutters of the baby's kicks when Killian came upstairs. He leaned against the door frame, watching her quietly for a moment.

"Emma, Love.." He said softly, trying not to spook her.

She flinched and pulled the sweater back over her bump quickly. "Um.. Hi.." She turned to look at him.

"I just wanted to tell you dinner is almost ready." He came closer to her, reaching for her hand. "And to ask you how your day was at work?"

She let him take her hand, tracing her thumb over his knuckles gently. "Oh, work was fine.. And thanks for making dinner, I know you're tired from work too.."

He shook his head. "Don't worry about me, you're the one that's carrying our baby.." He gave her a small smile. "Can I.. Can I kiss you, Love?"

Emma glanced up at him and nodded. "Um, yeah.. I.. I'd like that." She smiled a little, moving towards him as he leaned in to kiss her.

Killian kissed her softly, hoping she could feel how much he loved her in the kiss. "You're absolutely beautiful, Love." He spoke quietly, brushing her hair from in front of her eyes.

She blushed a little, looking down towards her feet. "I.. I'm not, Killian.."

"You are, my love.. You're absolutely stunning. I can't believe I'm the lucky lad that you call yours." He lifted her chin, so she'd meet his eyes.

"I'm fat, Killian.. You fell in love with me when I was skinny. There's no way you still love me when I look like this.." She mumbled, trying not to meet his eyes.

"Swan.. Emma.. You're not fat, you're pregnant.. And it's not like I only fell in love with you because of your body." He frowned.

Killian had noticed Emma's reluctance to be as open with her body as she had been with him. He figured it had to do with her hormones, and the pregnancy, but he never wanted her to think he didn't find her attractive.

Emma pulled away from him, moving to sit on the end of their bed. "You can't mean that.. You're easily one of the most attractive men, you could have anyone.. Yet, you still want me.." She shook her head.

Killian sat next to her, pulling his leg up so he could sit closer to her. "Emma, Love.. I want you to know how much I love you. I would do anything for you." He reached for her hands.

"I.. I just.. I don't feel good about my body.. And I don't want you to get tired of waiting around for me, when you could easily go and have anyone you want. We're not married, you have no reason to stay if I can't give you what you want." She rambled a little, unsure of herself.

He shook his head. "Emma, I'll never tire of waiting for you. And I have no reason to stay? You're pregnant with our baby, and you agreed to marry me. That is enough of a reason to stay for me, it doesn't matter if there's some paper filed in a government office tying us together."

She bit her bottom lip, looking up at him. Emma had seen the looks women gave her when she went out with Killian, she knew they practically threw themselves at him when she wasn't there, Despite how she knew he would never leave her, she was scared.

She moved their hands so his rested against where the baby was kicking, hoping her gesture showed him she was trying to believe him. "This little one is very lucky that you're their papa.." She said softly. "I.. I'm trying to be better, I'm sorry I worried you. It's hard for me, but I'm trying.."

"I just want to be sure you're happy, Love. And I'm the lucky one, I never thought I'd get to be a father, yet here I am.. Soon to have a baby with the absolute love of my life. I'll do whatever you need me to do so you can be certain of how committed and very attracted I still am to you."

Emma leaned in and kissed him softly. "I am happy.. I love you, and our little one, more than anything. Thank you for being patient with me."

Killian kissed her softly, pulling her closer so he could hold her. "Aye, of course, Swan. I'm glad to do it.. Now, I bet you two are hungry. Let's get you some dinner, and we can relax on the couch for a while?"

"I'd like that.. Will you.. Will you hold me?" She asked softly. She hadn't asked him to hold her in a while, which was a big step for her.

"Of course I will, I'd be glad to." He kissed her forehead, and helped her up from the bed.

She let him help her down the stairs, settling at the table next to him with their dinner. "Um, are you ready to find out the sex of the baby tomorrow?" She gave him a smile.

"Aye, I can't wait, Love. I love being able to go to these appointments with you, seeing our baby's development." Killian couldn't keep the smile of his face, the excitement in his eyes.

Emma grinned at him. "Yeah, I know you love them.. I think you're more excited for these appointments than I usually am. It's adorable, really.."

Killian shrugged. "I mean, I can see the effects the baby's growth has on your body.. But it's different for me than it is for you. It makes me feel like I'm a part of it, I don't know.."

She nodded. "I understand.. But trust me, I appreciate everything you do for me. To make sure I'm comfortable, and healthy.." She kissed his cheek.

"Aye, I know, Swan.." He smiled. "I think that the baby is a girl.. And that she'll look just like her beautiful mum.."

Emma rolled her eyes playfully. "Well, as long as she gets your heart, I don't care who she looks like.."

Killian kissed her temple. After dinner, they got into bed and Killian held her close, rubbing her back soothingly, while they watched a movie. This was the first time she'd let him hold her in a few weeks, and it seemed to relax both of them. Emma was asleep rather quickly, her emotions and the fatigue of pregnancy catching up with her. Killian shut the movie off after a while, and fell asleep with her.


	25. Chapter 25

The next afternoon, they were in the doctor's office getting ready to find out whether their baby was a boy or a girl. Emma had Killian's hand held firmly in hers as the doctor performed her ultrasound. Her doctor did what she needed to do to check the health of the baby before looking at them.

"As I'm sure you're aware, you're far enough along where I can see the baby's sex, if you would like to know today?" She asked.

Emma nodded, feeling Killian squeeze her hand gently. "Yes, please.. We'd like to know."

"Of course, well, without making you wait any longer, it's a little girl. Congratulations. She's perfectly healthy, and developing right on schedule."

Killian looked from the doctor down to Emma, a tear falling down his cheek. "A little lass, Swan.. We're going to have a little lass." He spoke softly, pressing a kiss to her forehead, aware that she wouldn't want him to kiss her in front of her doctor.

She smiled, reaching up to wipe his tear, her own eyes glossy. "Yeah.. She's definitely going to be daddy's little girl.." She turned to her doctor. "Thank you, Doctor. We really appreciate everything. Can um, can Killian have a copy of the sonogram? It's his favorite thing.."

"Of course." She moved to print the image. "You two are a very sweet couple, I always love seeing a couple's reaction.."

Killian took the picture from her, and nodded. "Aye, thank you." He was still so happy, his usual way with words was absent as a bright grin stayed on his face.

Emma wiped the gel off and sat up. "He's a good man, and is very invested in this pregnancy, possibly more so than I am." She joked. "We'll see you at the next appointment." Emma smiled as her doctor left to give them a moment alone.

Killian tilted her chin up so he could kiss her properly. "I love you, Emma. So bloody much."

She kissed him, holding onto his prosthetic. "I love you too, Killian. Let's go home, I'm tired and want to change into something more comfortable."

Killian nodded and they went home. Emma put on one of his t-shirts and a pair of leggings before settling on the couch, her hand resting against her bump.

Killian sat by her feet, placing them on his lap so he could rub them for her. Emma sighed contently, just watching Killian for a moment.

"Babe? Can we.. Can we talk about names? I.. I've kind of been thinking about names since we found out I was pregnant.." Emma admitted softly.

"Of course, Love.. What have you been thinking of?" He asked softly.

Killian never expected Emma to already have thought about names for their baby, and he found he was more excited seeing Emma excited too. Emma played with the hem of her shirt absently.

"Um, well.. I kind of want the name to be special, you know? Something that means something to us, and our family.." She shrugged, unsure of herself.

Killian ran his hand along her leg. "Aye, I know, Love.. You seem like you have something in mind, is that true?"

She nodded, biting her lip nervously. "I.. I was thinking since it's a girl, we could maybe.. Name her after your mom?" She said softly, nervous about his reaction.

"You.. You want to name our baby after my mum?" His voice was soft, amazed at the thought she must have put into this for her to ask that.

"Her name was Alice, right? I.. I know how much your mom meant to you, and I want to be able to honor her that way.. I.." She sighed. "It's stupid, just forget it.. I shouldn't have said anything."

Killian moved to sit on the coffee table by her head. "No, Swan.. I-I.. I honestly love the idea, Emma.. I uh, I might need to talk to Liam about it, but I think he'd be okay with it." He said softly.

She smiled a little, turning on her side to look at him. "I understand, he's your brother, and it's your mom's name.. I just, I think it would be really special for our daughter to have a family name, something I never had? Something I could never give them.."

"Aye, of course.. How about I call him now, so you don't have to worry about it?" He brushed the hair from her face.

She nodded. "I'd appreciate that, if you don't mind doing it for me?"

Killian nodded, and pulled his phone from his pocket. Emma sat up, so that she could put her head in his lap while he talked. He pressed a soft kiss to her forehead as the phone rang.

"Hello, Little Brother." Liam answered, the smile evident in his voice.

"Younger brother, Liam. But it's nice to talk to you, how are the kids and my lovely sister-in-law?"

"They're well. How's Emma? Is she still feeling alright?"

"Aye, she's doing well. We found out the sex of the baby today.." Killian felt Emma messing with his brace as it rested against her bump.

"That's exciting, do I get to know, or do I have to wait?"

"Aye, that's kind of what I called to talk to you about.. Emma and I were talking about names, and.. Well, um.. Emma asked if we could name her after Mum.. And well, I thought I should speak with you first.." Killian was nervous about Liam's response, unsure of what his reaction would be.

"It's a little lass? Congrats, brother, I'm happy for you. Are you asking my permission to name your daughter what you and your wife want to?"

"Well, it's Mum's name.. And this isn't something you and I have really discussed before.. And I didn't want to just assume that you'd be okay with it, she was your mum too." Killian shrugged.

"Killian, you were always closer to Mum.. And I think it's a wonderful name for your daughter, you didn't need to ask me for permission. Tell Emma that I think it's perfect, and that I'm happy for you both."

"Aye, thank you, brother. I felt like you kind of deserved first rights to using Mum's name, since you knew her better."

"I was simply older, Killian. You are a lot like Mum, and I know she'd be incredibly proud of you. Take care of yourself, Emma, and little Alice, okay? We'll talk again soon, so you can see the kids."

"Aye.. Thank you, Liam. Talk to you soon." Killian said before he hung up the phone.

Emma smiled at him when he looked down at her, his hand moving to run through her hair. "Alice Jones.. I know it's still early, so we don't have to decide for sure right now, but.. I don't think I can imagine naming her anything else."

Emma sat up so she could properly kiss him. "Can I admit something?" She asked softly.

"Of course, Swan. You know you can tell me anything." He assured her, wrapping her in his arms.

"All those years ago, before I lost the baby.. I used to think I'd name the baby Alice if it was a girl, or maybe named after you if it was a boy.. So even though you weren't here they'd have a part of you.. But then.. Then I lost the baby.. And, I couldn't bear to give them a name without you." Her voice got quieter as she was talking, unsure of herself.

Killian brushed the hair from her face, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Emma.. I'm still so sorry I wasn't here, I know it's been years, but I still regret leaving you." He spoke softly. "But, I appreciate that you had planned for our child to know me, even though I left.."

She shrugged. "You were their father, I don't know my parents because they didn't want me.. Our child didn't deserve that, especially since you didn't know about them."

He nodded, cuddling her closer to him. While he knew she had forgiven him for leaving a long time ago, there were still times when he wished he could take away the pain she felt. When she suggested naming their daughter Alice, Killian had never loved Emma more. She hadn't even known his mum, but she still wanted to name their child after her.

Emma draped her legs over his so she could lean against him more comfortably. "I still can't believe we're having a baby." She said softly.

Killian smiled a little, kissing her head. "I know, Love, it's surreal for me as well. I know I've seen the ultrasounds, and I can see the changes to your body, but I never thought that I would have this.."

"I get it.. I never thought the two of us would end up here.. Practically married, having a baby, happy.." She played with the buttons of his shirt.

Killian nodded. "I know, I didn't either.. But I know that I never would've been happy without you. And now. Now I plan to spend the rest of my days with you, and with our little family."

Emma laid her head on his shoulder, letting herself relax into his embrace. She was finally beginning to enjoy her pregnancy, finally allowing herself to be happy about the baby.

Killian was in awe at his love, he fell in love with her more each day as he saw her settling into herself, their relationship, and her impending role as a mother.

 **Wow, I'm so sorry this took me so long to get up! This is likely the last official chapter but there will be at least one epilogue chapter to complete the story. Thank you for sticking with me(:**


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